Exclusive: God Responds to Ben Carsons Weird Prayer Thanking the Lord for Trump and the Tax Bill

[sheshe2]

OMG! You must read this!!!

Preach!

...................................

Michael Harriot
Today 10:00am

Almost immediately after this meeting, The Root received an exclusive email from someone purporting to be God, responding to Carson’s supplications. Because of his status as the unseen knower of all things, we could not confirm that the email was written by God himself, but our sources have independently verified the possibility of the message’s authenticity by explaining: “Well ... he does move in mysterious ways.

We decided to print the correspondence in full, without commentary:

My son,

It is with great pleasure that I hear from you. I know you think I had stopped responding to your prayers, but trust me, I have always been around. It’s just that ... how should I put this? It’s just that you call so much!

I know they say I never sleep or slumber, but sometimes I’m just chilling, watching the game, or watching Biggie, Pac and Langston Hughes freestyle in a cipher (Langston really got into hip-hop after he moved here). I’d rather you contact me with important things, not stuff like asking me to help you choose which kind of chicken to pick up on your way to the White House (original recipe, by the way; Trump’s dentures can’t handle the extra crispy).

Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about your prayer this morning.

Look bruh, you know I don’t mess with Donald Trump like that. I don’t even kick it with conservatives that much. There’s like ... three whole Republicans up here: Martin Luther King Jr., Frederick Douglass and guy who invented Lawry’s Seasoned Salt (on the recommendation of the cafeteria staff).

Read More: https://www.theroot.com/exclusive-god-responds-to-ben-carson-s-weird-prayer-th-1821479663

Please, oh please go read the rest.

[BigmanPigman]

1. That was worth the read! Thanks

for the much needed laugh!

[sheshe2]

2. I literally was ROFLMAO

You are welcome, Bigman. We all need the laugh.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Brilliant!

[sheshe2]

7. Love Michael Harriot.

Are you trying to start beef with me, Ben?

Thanks, TVO.

[trof]

4. K&R Brilliant!

[NastyRiffraff]

5. Hilarious!

Thanks for the much-needed laugh, sheshe

I'm not a believer but I could like that god!

[sheshe2]

9. Not a believe either...

But that god is a hoot...black too!

[spanone]

6. Bwahahahahahaaaa

[sheshe2]

14. Hehehe

Keep my name out of your mouth unless you’re ready to taste my terrible swift sword! Remember what I did to Lot’s wife? Do you want to come home to a pillar of salt? I ain’t a killer but don’t push me! (Actually, strike that last sentence.)

[Roland99]

8. Boom!

[Different Drummer]

10. Love it! K&R! n/t

[irisblue]

11. Go read it!

BTW, season salt on popcorn is good.

[sheshe2]

12. I will have to try that!

[ProudLib72]

13. A malignant itchy anal polyp for Benny!

But he already has one between his shoulders.

[A HERETIC I AM]

15. and guy who invented Lawrys Seasoned Salt