How dating in New York is changing under the new administration

[babylonsister]

STATE
Swipe left if you voted for Trump
How dating in New York is changing under the new administration
Between Issues
December 2017
Written By Orlaith Farrell


It’s your typical midtown Manhattan happy-hour crowd: Groups of co-workers with buckets of beer, a family of tourists and a couple at the bar enjoying the tense chemistry of a successful-looking early date. It’s loud, the Yankees are playing the Red Sox and the doors are pulled back to allow the unseasonably cool summer air drift in from 32nd Street.

An engaging blonde woman in her late twenties is sharing her dating misfortunes with the group.

“I told him I voted for Trump in the primaries, he practically asked for the check,” she says. “I was like, ‘ok, I thought we were having fun.’”

It wasn’t the best date she’d ever been on, but not the worst (this is New York after all). But at first mention of her support for President Donald Trump, her Tinder match mentally checked out. “I could tell after I said that that he just wanted to get out of there and I thought it was surprising, especially since he said he leaned a little more right anyway,” this woman said. “I just said, ‘ok, nice to meet you.’”

Following last year’s election, the Trump name isn’t just on the towering buildings of the New York skyline. For some in the city, it’s the latest dating deal breaker. Many of the single people I spoke to for this piece, on both sides of the political spectrum, wanted to remain anonymous. They were concerned about stigma, negative reactions from colleagues or online retribution.

Since the beginning of the year, I started noticing a new dating profile. Flicking through Tinder, in the interest of immersive journalism, I kept seeing a biography specific to 2017. The photos were interchangeable: the look-at-me-with-my-niece-I’m-good-with-kids shot, the body-shot, and the look-I-visited-Machu-Pichu shot. (I’m starting to feel like I missed the Groupon for that trip). However, under the photos, a trend in descriptions was emerging. In Manhattan, where my app trawled for potential suitors, perhaps 1 in 20 would feature this new angle: The few short paragraphs traditionally filled with description or a witty quip were being used for political demarcation. Men and women were asking suitors to immediately discount themselves based on how they voted in 2016.

On two of the main dating apps used by New Yorkers – Tinder and Bumble – you swipe right if interested in the person (and hope they do too, for a match) and left to reject the candidate. Frequently, the people I came across seemed interested in steering clear of anyone who supported Trump. “Swipe left if you voted for Trump,” I’d see on one profile. Other versions included “If you voted for Trump, we shall not hump” and the less rhythmical, more brutal: “If you voted for Trump, swipe yourself off a cliff.”

more... I can so relate!

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2017/politics/state/dating-new-york-trump/?sr=fbCNNp122217dating-new-york-trump0848AMStory&CNNPolitics=fb

[member12]

1. Pretty sad.

I honestly could look past someone voting another way if they were the right person for me.

Trump isn't going to be president forever...but a lasting relationship could be. This probably wouldn't be a battle I'd pick If my date was just a passive Trump supporter.

If they were a hardcore Trumpkin, that might be another story.

[LuckyCharms]

2. A Trump voter could never be the "right person" for me. n/t

[SammyWinstonJack]

63. It would be grounds for divorce for me, I'm afraid.

[RandomAccess]

72. One of my ex-husband's sons

(from his 2nd marriage) disowned him for 3 solid months after son learned he'd voted for Trump.

I. DON'T. BLAME. HIM.

This is about VALUES, not mere opinions or ideas. Values go to the heart and soul of who I am as a human being. I cannot distinguish or divorce myself from those innate values that make me a Democrat, and I can't really share anything with those who don't align with my values. I don't even have any Republican friends* but Trump is SO much worse.

* I had one Republican friend, who I liked - we knitted together - but refused to talk religion or politics with. When she was here a couple of weeks ago, she said something, with a sense of outrage, about Michelle Obama using Air Force One to attend birthday parties. I questioned the source and asked what she was supposed to do instead. "Private airplane." I said that was silly and I sure didn't begrudge her that flight or flights. I also brought up Trump enriching himself at taxpayer expense - like all those golf cart fees for Secret Service! -- but somehow that didn't phase her.

Shortly thereafter she said something homophobic, to which I said they had as much right as either of us did to a happy life, to get married, etc. and she said: "But it's not BIBLICAL!"

A little exasperated, I said: "Well *I'm* not Biblical either!" LOL - She looked absolutely horrified.

I haven't heard from her since and have a feeling I won't. My heart is NOT broken, but I hope this at least gives her something to think about.

[Voltaire2]

3. I honestly cannot imagine a relationship with a trumpist.

[pnwmom]

6. Anyone who voted for Trump is too stupid or selfish to have a good relationship with. nt

[TheBlackAdder]

34. +1,673,285

[Egnever]

8. How could someone that voted for Trump be right for you?

Unless you value ignorance or bullying.

Anyone who voted for trump and worse continues to support trump does not share any of my values. A short term relationship perhaps but long term there would undoubtedly be trouble.

[Delphinus]

20. Nope,

not me. Voting for him and his ilk shows me a lot.

Welcome to DU, by the way.

[Horizens]

25. NO WAY

It would be like dating a FOX viewer ... once you know they watch FOX "news", you know everything about him/her you need to know.

[brush]

33. Are you serious? You could be with someone who thought trump should be president?

With all that racism and misogyny and white supremacy and documented sexual assault and on and on and on?

[TheBlackAdder]

36. Every Trump voter I've run across is a self-affecting dick. Not a good attribute for a partnership.

[Ferrets are Cool]

43. Voted for PGIC, end of conversation. PERIOD!

[kcr]

48. Sad?

Everyone has deal breakers. There is nothing sad about not wanting to date people who would vote for a pussy grabber.

[Liberalagogo]

49. Yes, your post IS pretty sad.

n/t

[treestar]

50. How could someone like Donald with out being a sexist?

A lot of women would not want to get involved with someone they can be pretty sure rates them on the 10 to 10 scale, cares only about their looks, and likely has ideas about how they should act. There are men who don't want to get to know the woman, but only have her act out what they think is her role.

[Nitram]

59. Or a racist? Or an authoritarian narcissist?

[Nitram]

58. How could you date someone who voted for Trump after his misogynistic, lying, violent, racist,,

pro-nazi statements? Isn't that all you'd need to know about their values?

[NRaleighLiberal]

62. there is a fundamental difference in values in trump supporters - I can't be friends with them,

never mind be in any close relationship. Trust would be impossible.

[JHB]

65. Im related to enough pro-Trumpers...

Oh, they’re of the “Trump wasn’t my first choice, but...”. variety, but after the “but” they then proceed to recite a quarter century’s worth of conservative horseshit.

I suppose anything is possible, but I’m not going to seek out more of that blinkered crapola on a date.

[jrthin]

71. I honestly could not look the other way for

someone who voted for a racist, a misogynist and a truly vulgar human being. After the election, if my any friend or acquaintance told me they voted for him, I immediately stop speaking to them. Lack of tolerance and disgust for the people who voted for him is one of my big flaws, but I'm okay with that flaw.

[robbedvoter]

74. Trump may go, Nazis will stay. How will the stain of supporting this be humanely erased?

I wouldn't allow my kids to date these people - not that they would. The kind of derangement (cognitive/emotional) to lead to such action is enough to sideline them. For life. (would you date a "reformed" Nazi?)

[GreenEyedLefty]

78. Everyone who voted for Trump did so with eyes wide open.

They knew exactly what kind of person he is... so nope, deal breaker for me.

[Girard442]

4. You cannot like Trump without *being* like Trump.

Game over, man.

[smirkymonkey]

27. Exactly. Voting for Trump, and especially continuing to support him after all that has come

out about him tells me a lot about a person's values. It would never, ever work. I don't even think I could be friends with a Trump supporter, let alone be in an intimate relationship with one.

[C_U_L8R]

5. Elections have consequences

Bwahaha. Dumbasses.

[oberliner]

7. One of the dumbest articles I've ever read

And a completely false and idiotic headline.

This kind of thing (I won't date you if you voted for Bush/Reagan/etc) has been going on forever.

[Egnever]

9. Perhaps but now it can be quantified.

with apps like tinder there is actual data and not just anecdotes.

[oberliner]

10. OK

I do agree that apps like tinder have changed dating - but Trump getting elected hasn't.

[Egnever]

11. No disagreement here

shared values are essential in a relationship. I am certain as you say these sorts of judgments have been made since the beginning of time.

I am also certain there are portions of the country where this dynamic is played out in the reverse direction.

[oberliner]

14. Agreed

I would imagine that saying you voted for Hillary Clinton doesn't go over well in some parts of the country.

[Girard442]

12. Not like this.

I remember being disappointed that a friend voted for Reagan but I didn't shut her out. On the other hand, I don't even want to talk to sibs that supported Trump. He is uniquely loathsome.

[oberliner]

13. You would've dated someone who voted for Reagan?

Or for George W Bush?

[Girard442]

16. Well, dating wasn't in the cards in this case, but...

...if it had been, I would have at least explored why it was she did. A lot of people didn't know who Reagan really was and changed their minds when they found out. The only people who don't know who Trump is would be those in a coma for several years.

[brush]

35. Never. They're repugs...think what that party stands for.

[treestar]

51. Not impossible

That likely meant the person was an old-fashioned type of conservative, not the rabid tea partiers of today. Donald is not just another Republican. He is uniquely loathsome. Even Dubya is not up to his high rate of loathsome.

[crazycatlady]

66. Reagan and W were/are not sexual predators

Show me when Reagan or W said "grab em by the pussy."

[murielm99]

21. I think times were different.

I had family members who voted for Reagan, and we are a pretty blue family. Back then, we could still relate to each other and respect our differences. That is not true any more.

I have been married for a long time, so dating is not part of the equation. However, I will not have a friendship with any one who voted for 45. The lines have been drawn.

[Girard442]

26. For me it's a mixture of "will not" and "can not".

An acquaintance of mine is a very Blue person who works in a very Red office. I don't know how she does it.

[Nitram]

60. Oberliner, Trump is a whole 'nother deal. He's a quantum level or two worse than

any president we've ever had. He is a traitor, for Chrisake!

[moriah]

79. There was a Law and Order SVU introduction about that...

Essentially the couple are entering her apartment, kissing, asking Tinder match questions whilst passion going up with every good answer. Then political affiliation comes up, he's conservative, she's liberal. He essentially says she's young so it's fine, quoting the joke that if you're conservative before 20 you have no heart, and if you're liberal over 30 you have no mind. (The version I heard was 40, but).... anyway, she's over 30, the encounter ends.

Then he accuses her of lying about not having kids when he asks to use the bathroom and they discover the reason for the episode in her house uninvited.

[L. Coyote]

15. What a great article. If you voted for Trump, we shall not hump LOL.

“If you voted for Trump, we shall not hump.”
“If you voted for Trump, you are a chump.”
“If you voted for Trump, you can kiss my rump.”

“If you voted for Trump, we shall not hump.”
“If you voted for Trump, you won't be my frump.”
“If you voted for Trump, you can take a jump.”

“If you voted for Trump, no way we bump and pump.”

[Old Vet]

18. Seems like this information would be quite important to a young man..........

[dalton99a]

75. I admire their willingness to share

[Solly Mack]

17. "My politics don't define me" said one Trump voter.

Snort.

[gay texan]

29. Delusional just like their dipshit leader n/t

[MrScorpio]

19. One great perk about being married for close to thirty years...

Is not giving a flying fuck about the dating scene.

[docgee]

40. But if your spouse decided to be a total chump supporter, how long would it last?

[MrScorpio]

55. That's not going to happen

One thing that I don't have to worry about for sure.

[Downtown Hound]

22. I cut out several life long friends because of their

Support for Trump. No way would I ever share a bed with a Trumpet. As far as I'm concerned, Trump supporters should be shamed.

[Duppers]

32. I did that with the Shrub. nt

[brush]

38. I love DU. That's why I come here. No love for repugs. And trump is the worst ever, ever, ever.

[procon]

23. Birds of a feather.

No relationship is possible with someone whose views are diametrically opposed to the values cherished by most liberals and progressives. Anyone who supports Trump either agrees, or is ambivalent, about his lack of integrity and probity, his overt racism, the incessant lies, crude sexism and his selfish greed.

[BigmanPigman]

24. Reason #1 million why I love New Yorkers!

Smart and good judgement.

[gay texan]

28. Its very simple

If you voted for Trump, I already know you are an idiot and a self absorbed asshole.

I don't care how good looking you are.

[Duppers]

31. Exactly!

If anyone was too dumb to see Trump's b.s. during the campaign, I don't even wanna be friends.

[roamer65]

30. I have never dated right wingers.

Never will. They have a mental illness.

[docgee]

37. Are you kidding?!!

It would a cause for divorce, let alone no second date!

[SammyWinstonJack]

64. +1000000! It would be, for me.

[Meowmee]

39. If you voted for 🍊💩

Swipe yourself off a cliff 😹😹😹 love it

[Moral Compass]

41. At some point my ex went right wing

I’m virtually certain she would have voted for Trump.

We were successfully divorced for 30 years, but much to the chagrin of my wife and daughters, we always stayed in touch and remained very friendly. Then, during 2012 campaign she started spewing Foxisms at me when I drunk texted her.

She called Obama a socialistic fascist at some point. After I stopped laughing I asked her to define that. She told me I was being a snotty elitist.

When the 2016 shit show started I made sure I didn’t communicate with her about anything political. I really no longer talk to her.

If I was single I would be asking for a left swipe from any Trumpette.

This is personal.

[lunasun]

42. on the other hand, once you declare something witty like

“If you voted for Trump, we shall not hump" I bet you get a lot of potential suitors from matches that also can not stand Trump

[lark]

44. I have a FB friend who ives in NYC, very successful progressive.

He's having the same problem. He puts on his profile, won't date anyone who voted for or approves of Trump. His last 3 dates ended early when the women admitted to liking or voting for drumpf.

[getagrip_already]

46. whatever happened to ....

"Angry sex"? lol.

Yeah, I know, insensitive. But it's real. http://www.medicaldaily.com/psychology-behind-angry-sex-why-you-love-hooking-someone-you-hate-345270

Before anyone goes off angry, I haven't been on a date with anyone but my wife since 1977. I'm only a student of theory.

[bucolic_frolic]

47. cold shoulder outcasts

i admit, there are people i avoid, i don't even look at them, don't want that conversation again

but i can't change any minds that way - as if i had any power to do so anyway

[IronLionZion]

52. Indeed, there are apps that will out your social media connections who liked his page

I have something like that on my profile but the type of person who supports Trump wouldn't date me for race reasons anyway. I generally attract the Peace Corps types, new age hippies/feminists, or other minorities.

[PatSeg]

53. "He said he leaned a little more right anyway"

Voting for Trump is not about leaning right or being a republican. Eschewing Trumpism is rejecting racism, sexism, white nationalism, greed, cruelty, dishonesty, hate, vulgarity, etc. To people who voted for Trump, they think our revulsion is about politics. No, it is about Trump - if anyone could listen to him and think he was a good choice to lead our country, they are not anyone who I want anywhere near me.

If someone told me they had voted for McCain or Romney, I would strongly disagree with them, but I could still interact with them.

[Boomer]

69. Exactly

McCain and Romney may not mirror my political beliefs, but they are valid candidates for the presidency. They have qualifications of service in government, at least a baseline of integrity, and no signs of deep corruption or venality.

Trump is a loathsome person, both unqualified and unfit to be president. Anyone who thinks making Trump leader of this country is a good idea is living in an alternate reality or willing to sell their entire country down the river to get some money in their pocket.

[PatSeg]

76. And though Trump lied

constantly, he didn't really hide who he was. So I have to think Trump voters endorsed, maybe even shared Trump's hateful traits.

[Lifelong Protester]

54. My spouse voted for Michael Dukakis

before we were married (the same year). Family of spouse called Eleanor Roosevelt "that woman", so he was making a real statement. Could not be with a Trumper.

[PragmaticDem]

56. I could have sex with a Trumper but bringing one home to mama is a big no.

My immediate family would eat them alive.

[ecstatic]

73. LOL! Deplorable sex...

I'll pass.

[L. Coyote]

80. Not a good thing, they probably taste like

missionary

[PragmaticDem]

82. Oh my!

[blue-wave]

57. I have recently

lost decades old friendships because of this past election. For my own sanity i cannot tolerate reich-wing crazy anymore. BTW, these friends were not rabid Trumpettes in the good days of our friendship. They drank way too much kool aid somewhere along the way. No, I could never accept a rabid trumpette as a date, friend or partner.

[DarthDem]

61. Long Before Trump . . .

. . . I went out on a Match.com date with a gal in an East Coast city. It was a really fun date. She was beautiful, vivacious, very funny and we had a terrific time talking. As a bonus, she was just like her profile, which was a real rarity in those days.

At the end of the night, for some reason, we started talking about politics in a very light way; I was trying to get her views, which she'd kept out of our discussions, so I figured she was fairly apolitical. However, one thing led to another, she looked me right in the eyes and declared, "ABORTION IS MURDER."

Oof. That was the end of that! I dropped her off at her place politely and never spoke to her again. Soon got together with an equally attractive and funny **liberal feminist**, my current SO, instead.

[crazycatlady]

67. a red MAGA hat is the best form of male birth control that exists

Because if a guy brings a girl home and she sees that, her clothes stay on.

[L. Coyote]

81. Second only to the Darwin Award.

[onetexan]

68. for sure voting for the idiot is a deal breaker

i have left leaning lady friends down here in TX who refuse to date any GOP whatsoever, and some who are ok with dating moderate GOPers who were never-trumpers given the lean left-leaning dating pool.

[Ilsa]

70. I think a friend voted for trump because

Her spoiled, uneducated, white son didn't like the ACA mandate.

[IamFortunesFool]

77. My girlfriend was a Trump voter...

I live in Southeast Tennessee; the veritable heart of Trump darkness. I met my girlfriend at restaurant close to my house when she was hired as their new daytime bartender. She is young (23 then, 24 now) and was a Trump supporter simply because that’s what virtually EVERYBODY here in Tennessee is. Almost as through cultural and familiar osmosis, she parroted support for a man she actually knew nothing about simply because elder members of her closely knit family had said those things to her as gospel. Her family is more deeply imbedded in that “old time religion” than a deer tick on a hound dog; and part and parcel of most southerners religious zeal is the corresponding Fox News fever and Trumpism. They have literally been brainwashed from the pulpit.

At any rate, before I find out she voted for Trump, I was impressed by what a smart, fun, witty, and immensely caring individual she was. She is a quintessential millennial in many ways, and none more obviously than in the ways she interacts with information. She existed in an information bubble. Her family and social media (comprised almost entirely of her large family) were completely awash in the propaganda of our age. She was not naturally curious about politics; suffering under the common yoke of dissilusioned disengagement that fully 1/2 of the electorate also exhibits. She was truly one of the few that we can reach...

Long story short (too late, I know), it is nearly one year later and she is now as passionately active and politically engaged in Resisting as anyone I know. All she needed was access to the right information. That’s literally all it took.

Now, I know that it also helped that we were immensely attracted to each other (thus making her more susceptible to my politics), and that she’s demonstrably young and impressionable (thus her initial blind loyalty to geographic,
cultural, and tribal trends like support for Hair Furor)...but the point remains: she is a solidly flipped vote. She is now passionately political. She is now one of us.

There is hope for people on this individual level. Groupthink is strong, but it can be overcome.