So the six year old said, "You have to respect me." Your thoughts?

[LAS14]

My 5 and 6 year old grandsons have been playing with a 5 year old girl for most of their lives. Lot's of child care trading, etc. They all like each other a lot. Tons of giggling.

The other day (so I'm told), there was a tiff, and the girl said, in no uncertain terms, "You have to respect me!"

The question I'm posing to DU is why am I ambivalent about this?

Your thoughts?

P.S. After reading some replies, I've clarified my thinking a bit. Let's stipulate that there was no sexism or racism involved. My son and wife are very sensitive to such things, and would have reported it if that had been involved. It would have been a completely different story.

So I'm realizing that part of my ambivalence is that the little girl is being taught at home to demand respect (justifiably), but my little grandsons have no mechanism to deal with the greater societal issues behind it. Are they supposed to capitulate every time she learns that this is a magic phrase? (No reports that this has happened, but just wondering.)

[HopeAgain]

1. Because we can't demand respect

we have to earn it?

[LAS14]

6. That thought keeps crossing...

... my mind, and then I think about #MeToo and how half the population constantly experiences the lack of the kind of respect that doesn't have to be earned. Just the respect due to another human being. The little girl might be getting advice at home to not let herself be "disrespected."

[HopeAgain]

13. There's a difference between respecting someone and treating them with respect.

There's a lot of people I disrespect, but I have been taught that I should nonetheless, except in exceptional circumstances, treat them with respect.

[snooper2]

2. My question is how did the girl stay 5 years old for most of their lives

That should be the lead story in every single science journal!

[LAS14]

7. ???

[samnsara]

3. yikes...shes gonna be a little princess...

...she needs to know respect is earned.

[sarah FAILIN]

15. Not trying to pick a fight..

But is this not the core of our problem???

Why must respect be earned by women?

Why do we not respect one another another until one does something to lose that respect?

[MLAA]

29. I very much like your last line 🙂

[tazkcmo]

4. Good question

Why are you ambivalent about this? I agree with her.

[Irish_Dem]

9. I do too.

Of course we don't know the context, but women are going to have to demand respect.
We live in a patriarchal society where women have not been respected.

[MineralMan]

5. What if it had been one of the boys who said that?

Everyone deserves respect. Since we don't know what the "tiff" was about, I don't know if it had to do with sex or gender issues.

But, such a statement would be appropriate from any of the children if respect was not shown, I think.

I'm not sure why you feel ambivalent.

[LAS14]

11. I think I would have been told if it had to do...

... with sex or gender. I'm pretty sure not. I'm pretty sure it was a 5/6 year old plain little tiff.

[MineralMan]

16. Then it was just one kid demanding respect.

Seems pretty normal to me. Again, what if it had been one of the boys?

[Hortensis]

34. Agree. She may be being taught to treat others with respect

and to expect it for herself in school.

This is pretty basic stuff.

[Madam Mossfern]

8. Are you questioning this

because she's a five year old, or because she's a girl?

As far as I'm concerned everyone deserves respect until they do something horrible on purpose.
Yes even little children - especially little children, because that's how they learn to respect others.

[LAS14]

19. I don't know why I'm questioning it... My first...

... reaction is that I should think "Good for you! Learn to stand up for yourself." But my second reaction is that there's somethin awry with long time friends becoming legalistic at such an early age. "Legalistic" isn't the right word....

I'm going to edit my op.

[janterry]

10. Respect is what you give

You can't control what you get from others

[HopeAgain]

17. This too...

Much discontentment in life is from trying to control others and how they think.

[ecstatic]

12. Not enough information. nt

[LAS14]

14. See reply 11

[B2G]

18. A little context would be helpful.

What prompted that statement in the first place?

[Lars39]

20. Human beings deserve respect, actions dont.

[Phoenix61]

21. The easiest way to learn what our own

hidden biases are is to pay attention to what strikes us as not quite right. Misogyny is so ingrained in our society. The older we are, the more it impacted us without us even knowing. I love the old Bewitched show but it certainly taught "traditional family values". Even shows as recent as The Brady Bunch perpetuated that ideology. So, my guess is you know logically there is nothing wrong with what the little girl said but it's bumping against some older ideas you were taught.

[saidsimplesimon]

22. To quote my grandson,

What decade were you born in?

[LAS14]

23. I assume you mean I shouldn't be....

.... ambivalent. Since I was born a few decades to early (or late????), could you be more specific? What clear, un-ambivalent reaction should I have?

See my p.s. in the OP.

[saidsimplesimon]

25. My grandson has

a mother and grandmother that he respects as much as any male hero. He holds no male/female bias.

[DLevine]

24. You wrote, "Are they supposed to capitulate every time she learns this is

a magic phrase?" I think you're reading too much into this. Capitulate? Magic phrase? All kids should be taught to treat each other with respect.

[RandomAccess]

26. I think there are 2 kinds of respect (at least, maybe more)

One is the type of respect every human deserves, which all of us should (MUST!) demand if not automatically given: basic respect as a human being.

The other type of respect devolves from one's position or competence or achievements or all of the above.

No one here respects Trump, and some of us are worried that his presence in the office has degraded the potential for future respect for the office and office holder. Many of us might be a little hard-pressed to treat him with common human decency respect, though the level of that disrespect would only go so far because our OWN self-respect wouldn't allow us to debase ourselves like that.

So, I'm curious about the little girl -- was she demanding common human decency respect, which would include equality? Or was she trying to demand respect that wasn't due her -- that she didn't have the creds for?

I am really hoping that her demand, in your mind, wasn't seen as an instance of her stepping out of line as a girl. "Who does she think she is?" Because this sentence of yours has me worried: Are they supposed to capitulate every time she learns that this is a magic phrase I hope you'll explore your own thoughts, feelings and meaning captured in that sentence.

[LAS14]

39. I assumed that this 5 year old didn't really have...

... a good grip on "respect," vs doing something I don't like. So she was using a loaded expression without understanding the implications. When I say "loaded," I don't mean "bad." It speaks to loads of oppression both sexual and racial. But her 5 and 6 year old friends probably weren't yet guilty of that. See resply 11 and P.S. in OP.

[MichMary]

27. Very interesting topic

I can see a number of different scenarios leading up to this. For instance, one of them may have called her a "poopyhead," and "You have to respect me" may mean, "You must respect my boundaries," including not being called names, which would be a perfectly reasonable statement for people (including children) of any gender.

Clearly, "You have to respect me" should never mean "You have to give in to me on every disagreement just because I am a girl."

If one of the boys said something along the lines of "You're just a dumb girl," then her statement has a completely different meaning. But, I really doubt that happened.

[LAS14]

33. That's true. Good insights. Unfortunately, I don't know...

... if one of the boys called her a poopy head. But, yes, that's entirely possible.

[LanternWaste]

28. You directly equated illustrating respect with capitulating

"Are they supposed to capitulate every time she learns that this is a magic phrase?"

You directly equated illustrating respect with capitulating, and directly implied that respect requires a 'mechanism' for a youth to deal with it.

Both particulars are incorrect. And from my perspective, damnably odd attitudes for anyone to hold.

[LAS14]

32. They were arguing about something that 5 and 6....

... year olds argue about. Let's say it was who got to play with the red blocks. The little girl hauls out a weapon. Is the little boy supposed to, therefore, give her the red blocks? That's what I meant by capitulating. What does "respect" mean when near toddlers are arguing?

[dlk]

30. It's All About Respecting Each Other - Not One More Than Another

[Hayduke Bomgarte]

31. Your Grandkids need to learn that

Respect, while a most admirable trait, is more easily earned than demanded. So does the little girl.

Good luck.

[jalan48]

35. I think she is free to say whatever she likes. The boys will have to decide if they agree.

Let the kids hash it out.

[LAS14]

36. Does it change anybody's thoughts to know...

... that the boys are white and the girl is black?

[TexasBushwhacker]

37. I wonder if she heard her mother say that to her father n/t

[eShirl]

38. They should all respect each oither?

Why is this a question?