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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOh, this will not go over well, but here it goes...
My husband passed in May. Two weeks ago we had a Wake for him at the Elks. His best friend cooked all the food and stayed late at night with cleanup. He is a certified mechanic and was instrumental in getting my insurance claim through for my trailer that was destroyed in Irma.
We had friends who flew down for the wake, days after their own family loss and tragedy from fire.
These people are republicans, trump voters. They know our politics,but it was never discussed and never a part of our friendship.
You all know me and my feelings about this atrocity that occupies our House, and my husband felt the same way. In fact, we are a political minority at our Elks lodge where most are republicans. But we filled the hall that was generously donated to us, and not an unkind word spoken.
I wont change my views, and probably they wont either, but at some point we have to allow for friendships and kindness that have nothing to do with politics.
I have hope that we the people can ultimately get beyond the hatred and angst that is splitting this country apart, especially when it is driven by money and power.
Thanks for hearing me out.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)jalan48
(13,881 posts)bluestarone
(17,025 posts)you'll find out others feel different. HATE is a bad thing for sure. Good Luck and look forward to ur post!! God Bless
marble falls
(57,162 posts)tavernier
(12,396 posts)to only have negative things to say or feel about those not in our party. Im totally guilty of that myself.
The Mouth
(3,164 posts)That is our responsibility.
I have childhood friends who have highly repugnant views. They are friends first, friends last and we have each other's backs; the opinion of anyone else as to why I, a 'leftie' would have buddies I've known for 50 of my 56 years who are the polar opposites simply does not matter to me at all.
Personally, I have utter contempt for anyone who would let politics come in the way of politeness, friendship or family, far more contempt than I could ever have merely due to a person having reprehensible views; the difference in magnitude is comparable to that between a campfire and a nuclear blast.
Just as long as they ain't Dodger fans
7962
(11,841 posts)Ive read a LOT of comments proudly stating it. Heres a link to an OP with several of them. As well as a few folks pushing back on it https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029285059#post63
Thankfully I think most of us are like the writer of THIS Op. And you.
maxsolomon
(33,384 posts)Good to see that politics can be set aside when necessary.
My method for keeping things civil is to avoid my family entirely. At some point that will become untenable.
DarthDem
(5,256 posts)If you can get along with Chump supporters as people, particularly at such a trying time, I think that enlarges you, rather than diminishing you.
MustLoveBeagles
(11,632 posts)I'm glad to hear that your friends were there to comfort you in your time of need in spite of the political differences. I too hope that we as a country can get beyond this. Take care of yourself.
Tipperary
(6,930 posts)hlthe2b
(102,343 posts)no matter their politics, they have been there for you.
Politics can change but humanity if a constant. One seeks it in every person
grantcart
(53,061 posts)I took a trip to visit my brother who has terminal brain cancer and is waiting for hospice care. A visit a day improves the quality of life tremendously.
He volunteered almost full time with the Police Department and many police officers visit him. When I was there his "boss" came. Very pleasant person and my brother perked up quite a bit. After a while he said something to the effect that since Obama was President it became more dangerous to be a police officer.
After a long silence I said "Why would you think that?", "Because he said that Martin could have been his kid" and he made people more angry at police, an officer was just shot in Denver.
I knew about the shooting in Denver, it was by a white supremacist but this guy will never know that because he gets his news from Fox.
I held by tongue, we talked about Gonzaga (the local Cinderella story that everyone feels good about). I would have to fly home but this guy would come back and he was cheerful and friendly, and I hope he will come back often.
I hope that you will do what you need to do to overcome this great loss Travenier. There are good souls around and some of them just get bad information. I can tell that you are a generous spirit and that by going high ala Michelle you will have the right impact on them.
elfin
(6,262 posts)Especially when dear friends are in need. Healing comes in many ways.
Your loss is keen, and may this event help you in growing your beloved community that can put politics aside for the really important things.
All the best to you.
Generic Brad
(14,275 posts)I hope you are doing OK today. I am truly sorry you are experiencing this.
I am very glad to hear you have people supporting you.
JoeOtterbein
(7,702 posts)...be a Dem friend" Never hard to do, and often helps enough to make a difference in a vote.
Stuart G
(38,439 posts)ripcord
(5,503 posts)I have a cousin I grew up with but we don't agree on politics, in fact we have swore, shouted and shaken fingers at each other. During the time when the economy was bad and the two of us were barely speaking we had some financial problems and one day a check came from him for $25k with a note saying pay me back when things get better.
JI7
(89,262 posts)Towards others, especially minorities. This is common .
I'm sorry for your loss and glad you had the support from friends.
handmade34
(22,757 posts)we have to allow for friendship but at the same time politics affects everything in our lives... the air we breathe, the things we buy, the rent we pay, if we can get health care or not, the education our children get (or not get)... etc...
it can be difficult... my small story... I just flew into DC for work today... I waited at the airport for the SuperShuttle and a woman a bit younger than myself was waiting as well... I casually started a conversation and found out that she was from Alabama... a fiftyish woman from Alabama could lean either way and I, for a second, thought about asking (Jones or Moore?)... my better self just chatted about my love of DC and asked her about her work and listened to her talk about her home... we left on very pleasant terms when she got dropped off at her hotel... if I had found out she was a Moore supporter, I would not, nor could not have continued the discussion...
DesertRat
(27,995 posts)I understand what you're saying. My husband and I have some long time friends who are R's who are very good people too. Peace.
RVN VET71
(2,697 posts)on her her show on Hulu ("I Love America" I think).
People all over -- except for visceral racists and bigots -- are generally decent and fair minded. But we all have triggers that can set us off and set us apart. But even in the current, extremely divisive political climate, a very human loss can bring people together -- regardless of politics -- in a spirit of mutual support, love, and understanding.
(Sounds hokey, I know, but it's true.)
democrank
(11,100 posts)I'm glad you've had the support of these friends.
~PEACE~
Justice
(7,188 posts)pnwmom
(108,990 posts)or good deed at a time.
Discard them all and you've just widened the gap. So you're doing the right thing.
So sorry about your husband.
JayhawkSD
(3,163 posts)How about simply respecting their right to have their own opinion?
How about allowing them to be their own person?
How about believing that not every person in this country needs to think the way I do?
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)We don't discuss politics.
Hamlette
(15,412 posts)The next time someone tells the Trump voters in attendance that Democrats are evil libtards, they might stop and think "not all of them, My friend tavernier is a great person and I loved her husband".
We need to stop bowling alone. In the 50s people participated in bowling teams and bridge clubs and churches that were not politically divided. I can't help but think some of our hostility us because we are not "acquaintances" any more. Not on the same bowling league, not playing bridge on Friday night. And loving it, having fun.
In the 70s when there was a generational divide world wide, European countries considered what to do about it. They opened the doors to public buildings and set up bridge clubs in every city and village. Old and young alike joined and played together. My sister and my parents lived in different parts of Europe and joined these bridge groups making lasting, lifetime friends who came from different walks of life and generations.
I'm an introvert but I fight it to play in a few local bridge clubs. I like the people who play well the best, regardless of party.
tavernier
(12,396 posts)that have been ruined, mostly because certain large corporations (Fox) need to fuel divisions.
vkkv
(3,384 posts)mcar
(42,372 posts)Thanks for sharing this and so sorry for your loss.
I'm in a red county in central FL. Our 101 YO neighbor of 25 years died Jan. 2. He was a good neighbor and a pretty incredible guy. Also a proud Dotard voter. The family invited us and a few other neighbors to the funeral luncheon. I knew we'd be the only Democrats there, we're the only ones in our block, I think. I hesitated going, but, well, we knew him and his family for so long, it seemed churlish to not go.
It was a lovely celebration of his life. He was the son of Italian immigrants and loved to cook, share recipes and enjoy good food. We did the latter that day.
I hope we can, someday, regain some sanity in this country. My Trump voting neighbors would give me the shirt off their backs, as would I for them. But I mostly feel like a fish out of water.
Peace to you.
ailsagirl
(22,898 posts)Texasgal
(17,047 posts)I lost my beautiful husband last year. His memorial was filled with family and friends and co-workers. We had his memorial at my parents Baptist Church.. It was offered to us for free...neither of us are religious but I was extremely greatful to have a large place to gather and celebrate his life. My husband did not have life insurance so to have this church and the fellowship provide us with space and lunch or over 100 plus people was a complete blessing.
I assume there were Trumper's or people that followed the Baptist doctrine... but I did not care. We came together to celebrate by beautiful husband and what a great man he was.
I am more than greatful for that. About six months ago once the financial aired cleared I made a donation to their food bank. I'll never forget their kindness.
Sometimes, ideology doesn't matter.
Hugs and peace to you and your family.
tavernier
(12,396 posts)Our stories sound similar. Isnt it sad that it takes a loss or a tragedy to discover that most human beings have love and compassion in their hearts, despite their differences?
This is not to say that Ill ever want to sing Kumbaya with the freedom caucus, lol, but Im now less inclined to be instantly judgmental and angry.
So sorry for your loss.
JohnnyLib2
(11,212 posts)It sounds here like many others are managing to hold and honor friendships despite the trying times. This thread is encouraging and I thank you for starting it.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,881 posts)Please accept my condolences for your loss.
I think what shines through your post, and several others in this thread, is that we do not need to be talking about politics all the time. Indeed, we should only be talking about politics occasionally.
7962
(11,841 posts)gademocrat7
(10,665 posts)GulfCoast66
(11,949 posts)I still have good friends who voted for Trump. None are nutso teabagger types.
I just wait for it to pass.
YOHABLO
(7,358 posts)Doesn't mean they're bad people, they've been subjected to ideology that tells them to be ''afraid''; to take care of the ''own'' first.
orangecrush
(19,611 posts)Like everything else, a result of the 1% spending massive sums to destroy the new deal, part of which has been a huge propaganda drive.
I am told political discussions are forbidden in Masonic Lodges (Shriners) traditionally, as it disrupts fraternity.
ananda
(28,874 posts).. love, laughter, and kindness, whether it's with
45ers, Dems, Indys, Greens, whatever.
People are people.
orangecrush
(19,611 posts)is Trump's stock in trade.
It is not what we stand for.
Turbineguy
(37,364 posts)the default position is to be generous. It's our national psyche.
Trump is less important than You.
Over the years I have enjoyed Tavernier's posts. I was sorry at his passing.
tavernier
(12,396 posts)Actually I am Tavernier... hubby couldnt even turn on a computer , and so I thank you for your kind words and condolences. Tavernier is the name of our town, a little city in the Florida Keys.
BobTheSubgenius
(11,564 posts)...but I'm happy you have such support. I'll think kindly of those people - and just consider them misguided. Clearly, they can be well-meaning.
orangecrush
(19,611 posts)and I am Roman Catholic...
In the same way that no candidate is rejected from admission into the Masonic order on denominational grounds, so no candidate is refused entry on account of his political beliefs. Because of this, many religious denominations and political parties are represented in the world Masonic membership. This is a healthy situation and Freemasons can feel proud that their organisation is, indeed, a fraternal fellowship which can bring together men with quite differing viewpoints in these two fundamental aspects of life. To quote from the Ancient Charges, Freemasonry is said to be able to represent "the centre of good men and true, and the happy means of conciliating friendship amongst those who must otherwise have remained at a perpetual distance".
But politics, as well as religion, are matters which can divide if enthusiasm and keenness are allowed to develop into fanaticism and permitted to override prudence and temperance. Therefore, it is wise and sensible that our order, in seeking to foster and maintain a spirit of harmony of the highest possible order, should proscribe discussion in such sensitive areas in our Masonic gatherings.
http://www.freemasons-freemasonry.com/religion_politics_freemasonry.html
Deepest sympathy for your loss.
elias7
(4,026 posts)I have a number of right wing friends. We just don't talk politics and we stay friends.
MontanaMama
(23,337 posts)Thank you for the reminder to see the humanity in others whenever possible.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dear husband.
Upthevibe
(8,068 posts).... Secondly, I think it's up to each individual to decide how to handle this horrible situation with their friends, family, co-workers, etc. Further, I think it's inappropriate for others to judge those decisions. I have childhood friends whom I'm still in touch with (and occasionally see) who are repugs. who voted for dt. We simply don't talk about politics. I don't want to eliminate lifelong friends from my life - at least not at this point. Having said that, I spend very little time with them. I was born and raised in TX, and I've lived in California for most of my adult life. Pretty much all of my close friends in California are progressive.
JayhawkSD
(3,163 posts)Restores my faith in humanity. Good friends who care for each other.
The Wizard
(12,547 posts)most Republicans are eager to open a political argument feeling they have an obligation to put down Democrats as being their mortal enemies. Hell, Lou Dobbs called for armed insurrection against the FBI and "Deep State" because they're out to ruin the Trump jihad against the American people.
I rarely talk to Republicans any longer as they're programmed by Pox and hate radio to engage in political ambushing. I'm never the one to drift into political discussions when talking to the opposition / enemy. I use these two words when they start with the talking points, "stop talking," and I repeat "stop talking" until they get the message. If they fail to abide I suggest they try one of the wonderful Fleet products available a supermarkets and drugstores everywhere.
n2doc
(47,953 posts)It is the ones that have no class, who try to stir things up with vile comments, that are to be shunned. Your friends sound like decent people, if misguided IMHO.
Demsrule86
(68,643 posts)lark
(23,147 posts)My best friend for the past 30 years is a died in the wool Repug, daddy was Repug mayor of Colombus,GA and she was in the Young Republicans in college. We think alike on almost everything except politics and football and usually don't discuss either. We spoke about drumpf when he first stole the office, she said how smart he was, he'd made so much $$. I informed her, very calmly, that per his dads tax returns he gave his son $60 million dollars over 10 years. If he had taken that money and invested conservatively, he'd now be worth 12 billion and he's only worth 3-4 (per him) so really he's not so good at business after all. Having owned her own company, she knows business and knows this is the truth. She agreed with me that he wasn't nearly as smart and good at business he portrayed himself. We haven't spoken of him since. We talk about our families and our husbands and flowers and dogs and hair and everything else other than politics.
bullsnarfle
(254 posts)and best wishes for the future (which still comes whether we are ready for it or not).
I too have friends and family who are right-wingers. Instead of hating the folks on the "other side" maybe it would behoove us to pity them instead, the poor benighted fools.
I play on a trivia team with a mixed bag of political views, we just agree to disagree and try to keep the conversation on trivia, etc., and no politics. Actually (and as a fellow Floridian you would be able to appreciate this) what polarizes us more than politics is that some of our team are Gators and some are 'Noles --- now THAT can really heat up some discussions!
tavernier
(12,396 posts)is dating a girl from Ohio... yeah, you guessed it... a Buckeye fan. If THEY can get along, Anyone Can!
nolabear
(41,991 posts)I'm sorry for your loss of your husband. Maybe I knew then, but so many are walking on. But I've got beaucoup family that is as fundy as they come and though I have to make an effort to REFUSE to engage, we have lived lives together and witnessed one another's joy and pain. And shutting those people away diminishes us all.
Love and respect, Tavernier.
DownriverDem
(6,231 posts)So sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds like you had a lot of support.
I lost so call repub friends a long time ago. On FB I'm amazed at left leaning friends who still have their repub friends even though they post liberal/Dem stuff. In some ways I'm jealous.
joshcryer
(62,276 posts)I honestly don't have the heart to tell you my perception of this, but I just wanted to say this is why they are so successful at pushing unfair and cruel policies on people behind the scenes. When you're past it think about it carefully, and don't go away bitter, appreciate what was done, and think about how it (the methods) can be used to better more people. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize the end result.
Response to tavernier (Original post)
CrispyQ This message was self-deleted by its author.
Caliman73
(11,744 posts)Friendship can transcend differences in culture, politics, religion, etc... It is about human connection to a core human experience. Life, Love, Death, and Grief are such core experiences that unite human beings despite our differences.
The caveat is however, at what level do the difference in values affect the person or people?
I am glad that you were able to experience that support during your time of grief and need.
Jersey Devil
(9,874 posts)I am a Past Exalted Ruler (President) of an Elks Lodge and like yours, most of our members are Republican/conservative. But the Elks are a fraternal order that does much good for the community. In addition to being the largest provider of college funding in the country after the federal government and the founders of the the first veterans' hospital, there are many charities the Elks support that transcend politics.
Part of the oath that every Elk takes when becoming a new member is as follows:
"I will never introduce into the Order anything of a
political or sectarian character, nor in any way by my
conduct bring reproach upon it."
We take that promise seriously and in my experience it has enabled us never to let our individual political beliefs get in the way of doing good deeds in our community. So you will get no hard time from me.
Out motto is: The faults of our members we write upon the sand, their virtues upon the tablets of love and memory."
So let your friendships within the order flourish regardless of political differences. Elks have been doing that for well over 100 years.
tavernier
(12,396 posts)My husband and SIl were very proud to bring in young members to our local chapter, and the only way to do this was to show them the marvelous work the Elks does for children and teens. Our community is very diverse and no child is turned away where there is a need. The hearts of our members are very large and generous. Also, we throw a damn good party.
sellitman
(11,607 posts)If the Trumpers are also NY Yankee fans.
🤗 ⚾
LongTomH
(8,636 posts)Yes, there is still good in people from the other side.
Brainfodder
(6,423 posts)Last edited Thu Jan 25, 2018, 06:25 PM - Edit history (1)
I don't hate the people, I hate their dumb ideas and the ones who work to implant/harness this garbage.
^easy nutshell version.
-B
Longer version:
It's pretty obvious that thanks to the actual fake news outlets we are now stuck in a vicious cycle.
They feed the sheeple exactly the fodder they WANT to hear and obviously those viewers make no attempt to investigate any of it themselves, so I'll call them sick lazy.
Good old boy T-bone is saying stuff on camera so the fakers can narrate it to the sheeple, and ofc he can deny or lie in the same breath even, but that doesn't get shown to the sheeple.
It will interesting to see what finally breaks this cycle.
Knowing that, getting all bent out of shape like sheeple?
Not me, I feel sorry for them, got played, won't admit it/sick lazy, and the cycle continues.
My old man, now in his 80's is a retired scientist, Masters and PhD holder from a top school, and he's a RWNJ, I know this because of the garbage he emails me, and he's sick lazy, I have shot it down several times, he never changes, it's like he CAN'T consider it, so if an alleged genius like my dad can be bamboozled by this garbage, there is no hope for the lesser brained among us.
Perspectives matter and the deep long game of fake news has taken its toll, I forgive him, after all he is still my dad.
-B
BadGimp
(4,017 posts)maxrandb
(15,349 posts)The right has spent 40+ years fostering hate and dehumanizing the "left" and Democrats through Fox News and 1200 hate radio stations across this country.
I spent 30 years wearing the uniform of our country, and due to that 40+ years of hate, people would call me un-American and a terrorist supporter because I happen to be a Democrat.
My daughter is gay. They are state-sanctioning hate and discrimination against her.
I'll not give credit to people for being decent . Being decent, being kind, being empathetic is expected behavior. Are we now celebrating "hey, that guy wasn't an asshole to me in my time of need"?
Isn't that what we should expect?
We're celebrating the point that people weren't shitty at a memorial?
I know we've lowered the bar considerably, but really???
It's like saying, sure the plantation owner bought and sold people like cattle, but did you see the nice fruit basket they sent?
We will need to heal this country at some point, but it's going to take a hell of a lot more than a free social hall rental and some rubber chicken to get there
Snotcicles
(9,089 posts)Bucky
(54,041 posts)My approach to social policy, economics, international relations, and law is based on what works best for the most number of people. I care less for the GNP than I do for the median household income. I care less for growth than I care for quality-of-life issues. I care more for a sustainable future environment than I do for the daily or quarterly fluctuations of capital on Wall Street.
My politics are mostly based on what works, not what is more liberal or more Lefty. That's why I'm a Democrat. My politics are based on love and family values.
So I agree with you one hundred percent. As much as I love a good political scrap, the end of the day I want us to get along in between those times we're arguing about politics.
Brainfodder
(6,423 posts)Agreed!
Problem is the Reps are fed a diet of anger food over and over and over and aren't challenging it at all or not really enough.
I am not unaware that the democratic side is doing the same thing at times, but their media is a lot softer seller.
This crap should be obvious to a 3rd grader for the most part.
To see it, look at their most popular sources, it's laughable how obvious it is once you know.
My old man is one of them, I'm ashamed that a PhD is that gullible.
He's quoted Alex Jones garbage at me in emails, amongst other obvious
anger food/lies/half truths, and even after refuting it and offering more neutral sources for news, same old garbage, so what it probably is:
THESE PEOPLE WANT TO BELIEVE THE ANGER FOOD and when you like a food, you seek it out and their hearts/brains are fixated from all the rhetoric and they made up their minds at some point and won't change ever, some of them, it's that ingrained.
Proof to me is the fact Trump has 30%ish approval, even after the mountain of bad has saturated the media for 2 years+ now!
Archaic poorly worded laws are big part of the problem with lawyers/pundits twisting it to their needs (aka interpretations) and religious zealots are already pre-disposed to believe (faith) the stuff.
How anyone trusts the ilk spewing from the usual suspects STILL is just amazing, in an irritating way, like poison ivy between the fingers.
maxrandb
(15,349 posts)But we must acknowledge that the other side wants to destroy us
ConnorMarc
(653 posts)I honestly don't think I could maintain a health friendship with an outright Trumper.
Accept my condolences, I also lost my father in May, and also felt the power of Irma, while in the Caribbean.
God is good.
Kaleva
(36,328 posts)A few used to be vocal on Facebook about their support for Trump but I don't discuss politics with friends or family. Then there are a few friends who are very vocal on Facebook expressing their utter distaste for Trump but again, I don't engage.
Edit: I'd also like to add that I'd vouch for almost all of them, regardless of political affiliation, except for one brother-in-law, as being honest, hard working, trustworthy and generally all around good people.
Brainfodder
(6,423 posts)Trouble is not sharing is a twisted condoning by lack of counter arguments.
Like a Fox News viewer whose blasted day after day with exaggerations and flat out false narratives and that's their sole trusted source because it's what's ON when they first went looking for news, and it's always been bent by it's top dogs to do exactly this: program anger.
Reps on TV, angry rhetoric, talking over, shouting, you know them...
trof
(54,256 posts)I live in the reddest county in Alabama.
If I didn't have repug friends, I'd have few friends.
My best man from our wedding in 1969 moved to our neighborhood at my urging a dozen years ago.
He is a right winger.
I didn't know that about him before.
He voted for tRump and he voted for Roy Moore.
He told me he just didn't think he could "ever bring myself to vote for a Democrat".
I don't see him a lot any more.
It's just hard for me, knowing what he's done.
I am sorry about your losing your husband.
I cannot imagine life without Miz t.
Peace
trof
Downtown Hound
(12,618 posts)Then Republicans need to stop fucking up the country and the planet. They can be the nicest people in the world in their personal lives. until they stop committing atrocities against the planet there will be no peace.