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BREAKING: Ted Cruz, living exclusively on all fours, schedules appointment for neutering & microchip
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DALLAS TX - U.S. Senator Ted Cruz has made a startling decision that he says is a direct result of his current lifestyle.
On April 25th, Cruz will check into the Southern Dallas SPCA to be neutered, and also to be implanted with a microchip. A spokeswoman for Cruz confirmed that while he is in the care of the SCPA, he will also receive a flea bath and will be checked for heartworm.
Since penning his support for President Donald Trump in Time Magazine, Cruz has been living exclusively on all fours. When visitors knock on his office door, he rolls over so that they can scratch his belly. And, much to the dismay of his staffers, they check his private washroom several times a day to curtail his recent habit of drinking from the toilet.
"This is a simpler life for me," said the Senator. "By undergoing this operation, I will no longer run the risk of populating my community with unwanted offspring. And the microchip will ensure that if I am ever lost and far from home, I will be returned safely."
The Souther Dallas SCPA did not return our calls for comments.
On April 25th, Cruz will check into the Southern Dallas SPCA to be neutered, and also to be implanted with a microchip. A spokeswoman for Cruz confirmed that while he is in the care of the SCPA, he will also receive a flea bath and will be checked for heartworm.
Since penning his support for President Donald Trump in Time Magazine, Cruz has been living exclusively on all fours. When visitors knock on his office door, he rolls over so that they can scratch his belly. And, much to the dismay of his staffers, they check his private washroom several times a day to curtail his recent habit of drinking from the toilet.
"This is a simpler life for me," said the Senator. "By undergoing this operation, I will no longer run the risk of populating my community with unwanted offspring. And the microchip will ensure that if I am ever lost and far from home, I will be returned safely."
The Souther Dallas SCPA did not return our calls for comments.
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