First time candidates deserve our immense respect, win or lose.

[Pacifist Patriot]

Grab a cup of coffee or tea, this is going to be a long one if you're up for it.

Running for office is not easy. That may be the grossest understatement I have ever written in my entire life.

Despite all of the advice, guidance, and training available, no one can prepare you for the experience. First time candidates have no idea what they are in for, yet they take the plunge anyway. It's not for everyone. I learned the hard way. I lasted nine weeks.

I filed February 1 and withdrew April 11. Coincidentally, also the day I received the call from the Supervisor of Elections that I had qualified for the ballot by petition.

There is no predicting who will make a good candidate and who will not. At the risk of sounding narcissistic, I was predicted to be an excellent candidate.

My county includes all of three state House districts and part of a fourth. Within nine weeks, I had raised more money than the other three candidates combined. Just eight of my donors amounted to more than each of the other three candidate's totals. When I withdrew, I had more cash on hand than my Republican opponent. Of course, he could turn on the tap at any time, but still.

We finished my petition drive in what the SOE told me was record time, just 38 days. I needed 1,298 and we collected over 1,800.

I already had name recognition throughout my district in many different arenas: business, religious communities (three UU congregations), three kids in two different high schools, president of a large youth sports non-profit organization, and varying degrees of involvement with the Democrats here over the last fifteen years.

When I attended an image workshop the county Dems arranged for Democratic candidates at all levels, I was told "Girl, why are you here? You don't need this." It is unfortunate our society is this shallow, but I was told more than once that my looks would give me an advantage over my opponent. (gag)

I had a campaign staff of nine dedicated volunteers and one new-grad paid intern whom I subsequently hired at my firm I was so impressed with him. Granted, I probably should have replaced one of the volunteers earlier on and not accepted the assistance of another. But still, my organizational structure was light years ahead of the other three House candidates.

I was the only state candidate in the area receiving attention from party operatives in Tallahassee.

I was contacted directly and indirectly by the Republicans here to let me know I had their support. I mean plugged in Republicans, not Joe GOP Voter. They offered help behind the scenes. They perceive the incumbent as doing nothing more than collecting a pay check and playing it safe. They are sick of him and know they cannot field a realistic challenger with his name recognition and reputation with the voters. According to two Republicans, they considered me "a reasonable alternative for a Democrat" or "as a Democrat, you don't alarm us." Um, okay.

Despite the wide spread support, decent fundraising, and acceptable image, the other three House candidates are still in the race and I am not. I physically (and probably psychologically) could not handle it.

By the last week of March, I was living with constant chest pressure and pain. On April 6, I ended up in Urgent Care hooked up to an EKG. They adjusted my blood pressure medicine and sent me home. On Monday, April 9 I was worse. My blood pressure was through the roof, and I was having trouble speaking with words in the correct order. Another EKG was fine, but a CT scan was inconclusive for suspected TIA.

I returned to the doctor the next day. In the waiting room, I was so physically miserable I wondered if they were going to have to put me in an ambulance before the doctor could see me. It was terrifying. When I saw the doctor, she sat me down and told me I had to withdraw. I remember blurting out, "but there hasn't been a Democrat in this race since 2010. There's only 7 months to election day." Her response was, "If you keep going, Democrats will be voting for a dead woman. You're not going to last 3."

My parents, sister, and husband marvel at how I have accomplished anything I set my sights on. Tell me no and I'll prove you wrong. If I want to achieve something, I do it. For the first time in my life, I encountered an obstacle that wasn't external. My own body was setting the limits.

I felt humiliated and unbelievably weak. How was I going to tell everyone who had invested their time, energy, talents, and money to wrest this county from its Republican stranglehold because they believed I could help do that? This includes DUers who donated to my campaign and Omaha Steve who went out of his way to set up an ActBlue portal for me. How could I apologize for not being able to see it to the end and thank everyone adequately? Closing down a campaign is emotionally far more difficult than getting one off the ground.

It has taken almost another nine weeks, but my health is pretty much restored. Blood pressure is under control with new medication, and the echocardiogram and thalium stress tests came back normal. In a couple of weeks, I am attending a campaign meeting for a school board candidate in my area. I'm prepared to stay in my lane, play to my strengths, and help her win the seat. She'll be fantastic. I may not make a good candidate, but I can certainly find ways to assist those who are.

I learned a lot throughout the process, and I will always be grateful for that. I now know who are true friends, who are fair-weather acquaintances, and who are wannabe lackeys. I met amazing people and understand more about my community and state than I ever did before. And I thought I was plugged in! I am grateful for that.

I have developed a sense of admiration and immense respect for the candidates in our communities who do go the distance. Please don't take their sacrifice for granted, for it is most definitely a sacrifice. These men and women are not coming forward for their own gain. Every candidate I had the privilege to meet truly does want to make a difference. Every single one.

Most importantly though, please do not take the Blue Wave for granted. We still need everyone to help Democratic candidates in any way they possibly can. Post card writing, phone banking, door knocking, financial contributions, yard signs, social media promotion, house parties, any and all GOTV efforts, and last but certainly not least...for to quote my internet crush, The Ferret aka Shower Cap, "VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS!"

Thanks again everyone, I am truly humbled by the support DU gave me. You're a wonderful group of people...except the Russian trolls. You lot can go fuck yourselves. I'm not a candidate anymore. I can say things like that again.

Cheers!

[zanana1]

1. Congratulations on your run.

I think you were smart to withdraw, though. Your health means everything.

[Pacifist Patriot]

2. Thanks!