THE ONION: Giuliani Says Kim Jong-Un Begged Like A...

[Miles Archer]

...Has-Been-Politician-Turned-Hack-Attorney Trying To Get A Job At The White House



https://politics.theonion.com/giuliani-says-kim-jong-un-begged-like-a-has-been-politi-1826644159

NEW YORK—Describing the pathetic manner in which the North Korean dictator debased himself while pleading for a meeting with President Trump, Rudy Giuliani claimed Thursday that Kim Jong-un begged like a has-been-politician-turned-hack-attorney trying to get a job at the White House. “He groveled like a washed-up former mayor who hasn’t been relevant since the early 2000s, begging on his knees for a mid-level position in the Justice Department,” said Giuliani, adding that the pathetic doofus demonstrated a level of self-respect on par with a failed presidential candidate who built his entire career on being in the right place at the right time, babbling incoherently about the relationship between a reality TV star and a pornographic actress. “I kid you not, this guy was prepared to bow down and kiss Trump’s boots like some cigar-chomping numbskull who actually thought he had a chance at being Attorney General. I mean, the look on his face—it was like a guy who just found out he married his second cousin or got 9 percent of the vote in a Republican primary—just a total, irredeemable jackass.” At press time, Giuliani was forced to walk back his comments by Trump’s actual lawyer, Emmet Flood.

[gordianot]

1. It must take much less imagination to write for the Onion in the age of Trump.

The stories just write themselves.

[spooky3]

2. I don't respect a former mayor-groveller the way I respect career men. nt