Trump's 10-point personal guide to negotiating world peace (every point is a YUGE mistake)
Trump’s 10-point personal guide to negotiating world peace (every point is a YUGE mistake)
1/ First of all, threaten “fire and fury like the world has never known” and create a crisis that means others have to step in to prevent nuclear war. I think I’m very good at that.
2/ Make it all about me! I am the only one who can do this. I’m the most important man on the planet. I will ignore the wishes of neighboring nations that would be most affected. They don’t have to be part of this. I need to get all the credit here.
3/ Boast that I should get a Nobel Prize. My base will love that! However, it means I look even more like a loser if I end up not achieving anything. That means the other side will know I will make concessions.
4/ Rip up the Iran deal because it isn’t good enough. That means any deal I make in NK has to be even better. It also shows that you can’t trust America when it comes to nuclear deals.
5/ Get my top adviser to go on TV and say Chairman Kim can end up dead and be dragged through the streets like Gadaffi. That will make me look real tough! However, I don’t know why, but suddenly there’s no meeting!
6/ Beg that we still meet, because I am going to look stupid otherwise. Shame I now look desperate, but that is all part of my art of the deal. That is where I excel when it comes to negotiation - looking desperate!
7/ Tell everyone I am the greatest deal maker in the world. However, people are starting to believe my own crap. I need to control expectations by saying this is only a “get to know you” meeting.
8/ Have a one-to-one meeting with interpreters only because then I can say the Chairman agreed to all my demands even if he didn’t. I have a record of misquoting people and I am great at it! By the way, I don't need to prepare. Like trade, it's really, really easy.
9/ Show my strength by bullying America’s best friends and insulting them. Divide America from its allies - that will make the Chairman think I am really tough.
10/ Hurl insults via Twitter at those who say I will fail. Do this hours before the meeting, then if I do fail I will really look like the loser. I have made this all about winning and losing, and now I cannot let the world think I lost, I will have to make some serious behind-closed-doors, secretive deal making to make sure the Chairman makes me look good.
If you ever need to negotiate world peace, follow my example. My business record and my TV ratings alone show I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.