So my father the Trumper calls this morning....

[Honeycombe8]

My father is 85 and a full-out Trumper. The EPA, the Muslims, the taxes...the works.

So there I am standing at the phone looking at the Caller ID, while the phone rings. I say to the phone, w/o picking it up, GO AWAY TRUMP LOVER! GO AWAY, TRUMPER!

Sadly, that's where I'm at. I can't bear to speak with a Trumper right now. Even a parent.

[genxlib]

1. I know

One of my best friends is a classic conservative type. He hated Trump and swore he wouldn't vote for him. In the end, he held his nose and voted for him.

I have been keeping my distance from him. I just can't deal with the anger and won't be able to keep it civil. I am afraid I might do permanent danger to the friendship.

It is a sad state of affairs.

[standingtall]

2. Im glad neither of my parents are Trumpers

I don't think I could bare it. Pisses me off to no end that my nephew is a Trumper, my aunt and some of my cousins too.

[teach1st]

3. He's your father

Trump isn't the issue here.

[ret5hd]

4. Sadly, sometimes it is necessary.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_against_brother

[RestoreAmerica2020]

99. Qui tacet consentire videtur is Latin for 'Silence gives consent.'

When we say nothing, when we do nothing, we are consenting to these trespasses against us.”

And yes, it begins with those close to us--our family and friends. To not address, protest, tell them this is WRONG. What, then do we discuss, the weather, sports, chitchat? All the while babies, children are crying...when this crime against humanity; abuse, torture of children is being done in our name. If we do not speak out, then we are complicit.

Also, there is nothing wrong about speaking out , protesting, civil disobedience, boycotting against injustices--it's the right thing to do, our civic duty! If not now, when?

[Honeycombe8]

5. It is for ME. And believe me, it is for HIM and his wife, too.

If my Social Security & Medicare is cut (Medicare has been cut already)...I can trace it straight to people like him.

The separation of the children from the parents....directly a result of people like him and his wife.

And so on.

He'll keep calling & chastise me for not calling him back. But it's not a good time to speak w/Trumpers. It's best this way.

There's always next week.

Last week I went to their house wearing a white cap. Stepmother made a comment that I needed to get a MAGA logo to go on my hat.

[irisblue]

61. There may not ne next week to talk to your father.

My mom made the first racist statement I have ever heard from her in my long life. It was on Sunday, & I am still feeling sick about it. She explicitly was anti racist as we grew up, she knew Viola Liuzzo, who was murdered by the KKK in 65, she would speak about the civil rights era to all of us as we grew up.

I don't know how long an 84 yr old woman has, I don't know how long I have. I hate what she said, but I cannot not tell her I love you daily when we talk. I do not want that regret.

[moriah]

98. If it's out of character, medical issues?

But from the perspective of someone whose first reintroduction to her father after vaguely formed memories and telephone contact was all we'd had before he was diagnosed with HIV was when I was 12... with the reasoning that doctors didn't expect him to see me turn 18....

We're all going to die. Sometimes you have an idea of if statistically it might be sooner than later. But it's not any child's responsibility to be the perfect kid in their parent's eyes, or to stomp on legitimate resentments of behavior because the Grim Reaper could decide to come in the form of a toddler with chickenpox (as it could have with Dad) or a drunk driver, which it could for any of us. Because all that does is make it harder to love the person. You can love a person and HATE what they do/say. The two aren't mutually exclusive, but when you try to lump them together -- "If you really loved them you wouldn't be angry". That's BS.

As I said, if this is something completely out of character for her and she's getting up there, then that's more where you do want to stay in daily contact to make sure there aren't other alterations in thought/behavior that could mean serious issues. Sadly my neighbor was diagnosed with Alzheimer's after she questioned me about stealing the bobbin from her sewing machine and said I wasn't ever to visit again -- was so out of character I ran home crying and my mom recognized it wasn't normal, called her kids, etc.

But when it's an established pattern of behavior that isn't organic, sometimes we as adult children have to live vs live in fear. And what would be worse -- the missed phone call, or a terrible predictable avoidable argument being what you have to live with?

[irisblue]

103. My sister & 2 brothers see her 5/6 times a week

They live very close to her, I'm in another state. None.of them have mentioned any personality changes. And it's something to think about, both of her parents died in their late 50's, from other medical causes.

[moriah]

104. Glad to hear. Healthy is good. Much love. Nt

[irisblue]

105. Your post prompted me to text her to ask about the cause of her fathers death.

Since I will be getting a new physician soon, I need an updated family history for my forms.
Thanks

[lebkr]

72. You get to set limits

It's what adults do. You know neither one of them is interested in a different point of view and in fact want to lecture you about theirs. Don't allow anyone to shame you into feeling guilty about it.

[calimary]

93. Welcome to DU, lebkr.

We are a nation torn asunder. Not surprising that effect should filter down to individual families.

GOD what damage this monster has caused. DEAR GOD. I don't know if we can - or will - survive this, as a nation. I really don't know at the moment.

And I keep thinking about all the "Good Germans" a couple of generations ago. We now have their spiritual descendants in our midst. I have a good friend who's one. But the "Good Germans" eventually cameo their senses and repented - after the carnage and the degradation and the waste, and the doors of the concentration camps being opened and their innards exposed. I'd be lying if I thought the contemporary American versions would ever have their eyes finally opened. And if they even did, what in God's Name would it finally have taken to push them to that point?

[Honeycombe8]

116. That's how I feel about it. He's an authoritarian & won't adhere to "the rule" of no politics.

So a few days' break is reasonable, while I cope with the S Ct issue. I really took that hard, as we all did, I guess.

[Bradshaw3]

95. You have to do what's best for you

It's not for anyone on here or anyone else to say otherwise. You obviously have thought about the situation and are doing what is best for you at this time.

[Coventina]

23. Nazis had children too.

Loving parents and grandparents sent other people's children to the gas chambers.

[VMA131Marine]

77. Joseph and Magda Goebbels had six children

Loved them very much apparently!

[Coventina]

79. Yep. So much so they wouldn't let them fall into enemy hands.

Ugh.

[VMA131Marine]

81. I saw "Downfall" for the first time a month or so ago

The scenes where Magda poisons her children are some of the most distressing I have ever watched in a movie.

[Coventina]

86. Horrific.

I've said it so many times, hatred makes you stupid.

Stupid is murdering your children for your own ideology.

[moriah]

53. Look, I lived knowing my Dad was terminal for 17 years. And sometimes I had to not answer a call.

He would leave a message if it was important, that's why I paid for a cell for him.

And many times I made time to spend hours talking, if he could talk about things I could deal with and respect my boundaries.

I had to learn through early therapy that everyone croaks and just because statistically he was going to croak sooner than later, I couldn't just blame myself for feeling anger at a dying man and was entitled to my feelings about his behavior even though he was going to die, and it could be very unpredictable. At first he wasn't expected to see me turn 18. I was 29 when he passed.

The people guilt-tripping Honey for preferring, if Goddess-forbid it was the last call, to miss it rather than it be a fight....

Well, let me tell you from experience. Say I love you at the end of every conversation if you can. I agonized a hell of a lot more over the fear of what our last words would have been when he'd randomly be unreachable and it'd been a bad conversation than a missed call.

Sure, my fights with my Dad were over me refusing to enable his addiction, and that's where I had to draw my boundaries before I'd say "I love you Dad but I can't do this and if you want to keep talking today let's talk about something else."

But we can't let the fact everyone croaks make us live from a state of guilt and paranoia. And while Honey did say her father was elderly, he could be planking like the Notorious RBG.

[True Blue American]

90. Many of us have been in your situation.

Being an enabler is the wrong thing to do. You need to respect your family.

No guilt,please.

[moriah]

96. A lot of people said I seemed to do more for him than they would have.

But it's not for them to judge my situation, or for me to judge theirs.

However, a friend put it like this. I didn't owe him a damn thing, given the circumstances, in her opinion. All I owed to anyone was to myself -- to do what I felt was necessary when it was within my power so after he was gone I could sleep at night.

And that's going to differ between each person, each situation. Parents and adult kid relationships are complex, and even individual siblings are going to have different perspectives raised in the same household.

So yeah, I compartmentalized. I paid for a prepaid phone with the "my circle" unlimited plan so he could put me and a certain number of people on unlimited calling, and a certain number of other minutes. I would NEVER re-up. I would pay for prescriptions his Medicaid slots exceeded, but by calling the pharmacy directly vs wiring cash. And yes, many weekends we'd talk for hours, after he learned my limits.

Those were my strategies, for our situation, and he understood if he wanted a relationship with me, it would have to be under terms we could both accept. I didn't nag him about treatment, he didn't ask me for cash. That was one.

[True Blue American]

100. You did just fine

There are times you have to use self preservation. Each one of have to do what is best.

I hav3 changed Churches to get away from long time friends, only to find others feel the same way

I do not ever remember things being this bad and it gets worse every day. Even going out to lunchyou want to sit far away from some people.

I knew it was bad when my Son said at the beginning of a big family get together at his house,”No Politics”!

[USALiberal]

80. You have no say in it. End of story. nt

[hatrack]

125. So someone gave you half your genes . . .

So what?

If they're a toxic, abusive and (from this account) a largely absent parent, the DNA angle doesn't amount to anything.

If they're toxic, abusive and through their political choices endorse and make possible the slide down the chute we're now experiencing as a nation, then I'd say that Honeycombe or anyone else is free to cut them loose.

[Hortensis]

6. I'm sorry.

Agree with Teach1st, though. He's your father, and there's far more than politics between you.

We all have many facets. Focus on his good ones?

[Goodheart]

9. Sadly, it's not "just politics", as I hear some people say.

It WAS just politics with the Bushes. This is something grossly and disgustingly different.

[Honeycombe8]

12. Yes, that's it. It's not the POLITICS. I spoke w/them all thru the two Bush administrations.

THIS is different.

[Rorey]

13. They don't understand

My son says that too. "Don't let politics interfere with your relationships." I've tried to explain that if someone STILL supports -45, it tells me who and what they are. And it truly is a matter of life and death. I can't tolerate someone being cavalier about what -45 and the repukes are doing to our country, our neighbors, and the planet.

[Hortensis]

20. I'm sorry again. My mother, who came to America

from Germany as a preteen, told me once that Hitler was misunderstood and was an irredeemable bigot. She was kind to me and actually never spoke hatefully about anyone; but we virtually never discussed politics or any other issue of substance, including the fact that my husband was Jewish, and I imagine you can see why. I didn't ask her why she felt Hitler was misunderstood since there was a relationship of sorts that could be destroyed.

[traladeda]

92. I agree.

This is not politics. People are using their vote to actively harm other people, and it's not okay. Even if it's my mother.

I will never feel the same about her or anyone else who still supports him. I keep wondering if I had spoken up--if I didn't silence myself just to keep the peace-- if I challenged the bullshit and lies -- maybe we wouldn't be here? Maybe she wouldn't have become a full-on Fox and Rush zombie. She's an addict now. Seriously. I had a pseudo-intervention and explained how relying on only Fox News and Rush Limbaugh was damaging our relationship. I asked her to add just one additional news source to her daily consumption. I suggested Rachel Maddow -- I'll never forget her sound of disgust, it was the same vitriolic sound of disgust she uses when she talks about Ellen Degenerous. I know it's about their sexual orientation. She doesn't have the visceral disdain emanating from her even when she says Harry Reid is evil or that Obama is the anti-christ. It was then that I saw how ugly my mother had become because I remained silent. She declined to add any other news outlet. Only Fox tells the truth. So, I call her on her birthday and Mother's Day. I give her gifts. But I don't spend time with her. I don't talk to her on the phone. (She left a message for me last Sunday saying she was lonesome for me. Wrong thing to say and the wrong time. Mothers are have children taken away from them because she chose to vote for Donald Trump. I imagine they are lonesome for their children too.)

So yeah. I won't be silent anymore. I see very little difference between the current rise of Fascism in the USA and how Nazi Germany emerged, and the only moral thing to do is SPEAK out against it. (It=Every. Damn. Thing.) And it's scary as hell, and it makes things unfun and uncomfortable, but fuck it. Afflict the comfortable.

And nobody is getting a pass on this. Not even my mother.

[True Blue American]

101. Down right sickening!

[Goodheart]

7. I have almost disowned my brothers and sisters because of their Trump support.

I have reduced my calls and visits with them dramatically. Most of the time I just can't bear to talk to or look at them. I think their behavior is disgraceful, and I'm ashamed of them.

[NightWatcher]

8. I'm right there with you. I talk to my dad every two months for five minutes.

It's basically an alive and well check at this point. Anything more and the conversation degrades into grunting and name calling.

When a connected brain stem and sense of empathy make you an outcast in your own family it's a damn shame. Thanks fox

[Honeycombe8]

15. Yeah...they're Fox watchers. Not that "Clinton News Network," as they say.

My dad still uses the N word. They talk about Muslims in the most disgusting way. My stepmother bought a gun for herself to protect against "the A-rabs," when they invade her home. They still reference Obama, the Muslim born in Kenya, on the rare occasion.

They are true Trumpers. Not Republicans who held their noses & voted for him. They worship at the altar of Trump. No. I'm not answering that call for a few days. (He was MIA for much of my childhood, so I think not answering the phone for a few days can be excused, under the circumstances. Esp since he will probably bring up the political things going on. I don't take the bait, but he sometimes brings it up, to goad me.)

[lunasun]

50. Ugh stay away imo . Thanks for having a limit . So many keep pushing and nudging thiers back

a little over and over and over to appease hateful friends and relatives it seems. Never question how hate and violence could win out somewhere when you see people ignore support of it in thier own lives.

[Tipperary]

10. One day you will no longer be able to talk to him, and he will not be able to call.

I am glad politics never came between me and my parents. You only get the two.

[Honeycombe8]

17. True. It's too bad he is the way he is.

One day I will no longer be able to take his calls. Sad he is the way he is.

[rainin]

55. Yes, he will be gone, but I think he's already gone. You are already grieving.

When he passes, you needn't feel guilty for not speaking to him now, because he is already gone. Fox and Limbaugh stole our parents. Brainwashed into the worst versions of themselves.

[lebkr]

76. truth

[deurbano]

91. My sister and parents sucked to start with... but have definitely also been "brainwashed into the

[even] worst versions of themselves." (My dad is actually dead now.... but before he died.)

[3catwoman3]

107. What a cogent analysis.

Fortunately, my 96 yr old Mom saw the liberal light a few elections ago (Bill Clinton). She calls herself an independent, because after decades of being a moderate Republican, it is probably to hard to say she is an out-and-out Democrat. She is pro—choice and supports marriage equality.

[Honeycombe8]

117. That's true. But I just need a few days' break.

I'm not moving to Timbuktu or anything.

I love him. But I don't necessarily like everything about him.

[ret5hd]

63. Sometimes that's one or two too many.

[pazzyanne]

65. Consider yourself lucky.

Many of us don't have that option. I have been told by family members that I am no longer in the family because I refuse to worship at the alter of tRump. The choice to toss me out on my ear was theirs. My choice was to refuse to submit to blackmail - from my own family. The only saving grace is that my youngest brother got thrown out at the same time. You are right, we only get two parents and whatever siblings. For years I ignored the politics, but they did not!

[Honeycombe8]

118. OMG. Are you serious? That's horrible.

I'm not considering cutting off communications. Just a few days' break after this horrible turn of events. I can't imagine your parents kicking you out for political reasons.

The country is so filled with hate and so divided, thanks to Trump.

[Mariana]

126. Some Trumpsters really are like cult members.

Ditching family and friends who have different opinions and beliefs is exactly what cult members do.

[Duppers]

74. You haven't the right to guilt people.

You have no idea how much abuse RW parents can heap on their offsprings, on many fronts. I have physical scars from my father's abuse and was glad when he died at age 40 - that was 50yrs ago.

[Coventina]

78. So much this.

My right-wing "Christian" fundamentalist upbringing damaged me at every level.

I am only now, in the second half of my life, living free.

On edit: yesterday was my dad's 75th b-day.

I didn't call him because he is now bullying his mother (95). I called her instead to offer my unconditional love and support.

[Duppers]

82. Soul-sister?

It took years of therapy for me to begin to recover.

[Coventina]

83. Yep, years of therapy and support from true FRIENDS!

Like you.

[moriah]

102. And on that day, would you rather have a missed call...

... or a completely avoidable fight on your conscience?

Because if you have an absolutely perfect relationship with both your parents and that could NEVER happen (over politics or not), perhaps you should be counting your blessings instead of throwing shade.

[Lint Head]

11. He's lucky to have lived as long as he has. Just my own observation

as I have lost my father. Also just my opinion what you can ignore. I would say Dad just know this. I love you. You are my father. I am of your blood. I don't want you and I to leave this world apart so please let's do not talk about politics. Because my answer to you for everything that you say about all things is that I love you.

[Honeycombe8]

120. I'm just talking about 2 or 3 days' break after this horrible political week.

It's not that big a deal. It's not like we talk on the phone every day, anyway.

Yes, he's outlived his two brothers, who both died young, as did his father. He never smoked, is physically active, still takes care of his half acre yard, etc.

Look, he didn't raise me or my siblings. I can count on one hand the times I remember seeing him when I was a child, and half of those times are bad memories. So although I love him, it's not the same father-daughter relationship that many others think of, when they think of their relationship.

Just a couple of days off from Trumpers. I'm surrounded by them in this area.

[Lint Head]

124. Now THAT is bad. You do have my sympathy.

[lapfog_1]

14. I talk to no one in my family anymore

[PearliePoo2]

16. This really saddens me. I feel your pain, looking at caller ID, it's your dad calling

and you don't want to answer the phone.

Both of my parents are gone now but I would do most anything to hear their voices once again. In fact, I still keep my dad's greeting from his phone message machine so I can hear his voice when I feel I need to.

I'm assuming you've had a talk with them that politics or trump WON'T be discussed or you will walk out the door or hang up the phone?

Have you told him he will lose you in his life if he doesn't quit talking about politics or trump?

Best of luck to you. This is so awful.

[Honeycombe8]

18. My mother's gone. They were terrible parents.

I don't miss my mother. I think about her frequently. But can't say I miss her. She was a terrible mother to me. My father was worse. I mean,really...does anyone think that someone whose ideology is based on hate would be a good parent? The best thing about him when I was growing up was that he was hardly there. He was a mean SOB, and I was glad to see him go, when he left Mom for his gf.

No...it is I who have been the dutiful daughter. Who visited him and his wife. The first to accept her, the gf he married. The first to visit them and such.

We don't talk politics,now...supposedly. But they STILL bring it up, to goad me into a conversation about it.

I love my father. But not answering his calls for a few days isn't a sin. He has nothing to complain about. He has gotten more out of his relationship with me than me w/him.

This Trumper thing is different.

[rainin]

57. I suspect you love the father you used to have or wish you had.

The one you have isn't that father. You can let go. He's no longer there

[WhiteTara]

19. they're also known as MAGAts.

BTW you may be sad that you have to turn away your "father" but your sanity is important and he only wants to be cruel and hurt you. hug:

[Honeycombe8]

25. Thank you. Right now is a bad time for me. I take the S.Ct. thing seriously...

and I realize what it means. It's upsetting to me. It's best not to speak to him right now. I don't want an argument. We are not supposed to talk politics (he calls me "the tree hugger&quot , but he brings it up sometimes,anyway. I never do.

[Books_Tea_Alone]

21. I am in the same boat- here is what helped me..

I give my parents a pass- they are also elderly and our pattern is to fall into sarcasm with an “edge”- we also try not to talk politics. Of course, I was at their house when Kennedy announced his resignation. My mother asked which Kennedy he was :0 (She voted for the reality star)

What has helped me a great deal is cutting everyone else out of my life who is a T.rumpinista. Unfriend on Facebook, refuse social outings with them, etc. My brother is a horrific T.rumpinista (once threw a glass of water in my face) so he is seen on Thanksgiving and Christmas only. All other friends have been replaced by new friends I’ve made since becoming more active post-2016.

Almost every single T.rump supporter I have cut ties with were closeted racists who now feel emboldened to air their views. So I don’t need them in my life at all, but do need to keep up a connection to my parents, as I’m not sure how many years i will have with them.
I also extracted a promise from them that they will completely turn on T.rump if it comes to light that he had raped or trafficked underage girls. That would be their breaking point. I am so sure this and worse will come to light that I’m just waiting for the day it is proven.

[Honeycombe8]

27. Thanks. nt

[lunasun]

54. Thanks for standing up for the country you want to see and not surrounding yourself with trumpers

[HAB911]

68. Exactly the way I have handled this

Just unfriended two cousins. If they watch FOX only, they can't be reached

[maryellen99]

73. I did too after they posted on FB that they have no problem with kids in concentration camps nt

[HAB911]

75. my idiot ex-sister inlaw

posted a video of some yokel preacher saying how good the kids now have it in those concentration camps. Damn near broke my finger terminating her.

[maryellen99]

89. They were both my husband's cousins but one of them is a "evangelical Christian

But they have both devoured the trump kool aid.

[Dem_4_Life]

22. I know how you feel...my Dad and I just agree to NOT discuss politics and have civil conversations.

Hopefully your dad will come around some day.

Unfortunately my Dad's views are mainly because of his work. Note: He does not LIKE Trump just a general republican so he will support him anyway. When he and my mom got married he used to be a Democrat. I hope that some day he will come around.

[roamer65]

24. I would tell him no more Dumpster talk with you.

Period. My parents voted for the MAGAt, but they have really laid off after an argument between my dad and I. My dad and I were never very close when I was younger but he is trying to make amends. I I am trying to give some latitude for his attempts, but I have and will mark my territory again if needed.

[Honeycombe8]

30. A first post, and you come out of the gate insulting members of the forum?

Most newbies don't start out of the gate making weird, insulting posts. What is your goal? Explain yourself, please.

[moriah]

34. Aaaand.... flagged for review.

Just want to give a shout-out to the MIR team -- we wuv you!

[Honeycombe8]

42. +1. nt

[spanone]

35. glad to be part of that Jury.....

[Coventina]

37. That is one of the most disgusting things I've seen in a while.

Nicely done!

[Honeycombe8]

44. +1. nt

[geardaddy]

47. That is a serious tombstone!

[spanone]

59. well deserved

[Coventina]

32. Welcome to DU

What kinds of toppings do you like on pizza?

[samnsara]

28. my trumper sis and i even have retraining orders against each other

..its that bad!

[Honeycombe8]

31. Wow. That IS bad. I guess I'm lucky in that respect. Thx. nt

[lunasun]

58. Hey yeah but guarantees you won't be getting any calls from her...

[Tucker08087]

29. Maybe leave a message on his machine

When you know he won’t answer. Just a message saying, “Hi Dad. Hope all is well. Just wanted to check in to say I love you.”
Trump has torn the country apart and families apart. There is no denying that. I just don’t want him to tear YOU apart. That gives him too much power.
As a person who has experienced sudden tragedy and faced my own (supposedly) imminent death (I’m still here), I always consider the last thing I’ve said to a person as if it truly were the last thing ever. Trump is a monster. Don’t let him be a character in your future nightmares. If nothing else, send Dad a “thinking of you” card.

[Honeycombe8]

38. He doesn't listen to messages. Really.

I have 2 sisters who never answer the phone when he calls. They don't answer the phone when any family calls, though they might call back in time.

Me and my brother are the only 2 left who take his calls. And we do. I'm just talking a few days here. NOW is not a good time.

But if he keeps calling back, I'll have trouble avoiding him. He's that way. If I don't call him back right away, he chastises me, next time he sees me....says I'm getting the "no phone call-itis like my sisters."

He's not going to pass away in a couple of days. Even if he does, I have no regrets. I've gone above and beyond to have a relationship w/him, as an adult. More than my siblings.

I'm just talking about a couple of days.

[Tucker08087]

130. I understand

Relationships are very complicated. Sometimes the best, most loving thing you had to say was what you said the last time, and only you can know that. Calling and arguing about Trump would surely not be the last conversation you want to remember, so do what feels best in your heart.

[Honeycombe8]

133. Thanks. nt

[jimlup]

33. Sorry

that's gotta suck

[Siwsan]

36. Political discourse taught me what my mother really thought of me

Mom was rabidly right wing. She had Fox News on 24/7 and would be celebrating this Muslim Ban. She thought Dick Cheney was an 'honorable man'. The older she got, the more entrenched she became

She also told me I was stupid. That was the word she used. And it wasn't that she THOUGHT I was stupid. She KNEW I was stupid. And she knew this because it was apparent to her that I not smart enough to form my own opinions. I let other people tell me what to think. Well, apparently she wasn't one of those 'other people'. She laughed off facts, in the most irritatingly condescending manner, but fully absorbed and accepted everything she heard on Fox.

I finally had to start walking away from the attacks. Literally pick up my keys and leave her house. And that's when I realized it really was possible to love someone, but not particularly like them. It's also never easy to realize you have been a disappointment to a parent, no matter what the reason.

[Honeycombe8]

40. This is it. You get it. That's what I'm talking about.

You described a Trumper to a T. And that while I LOVE him, I may not LIKE him. Altho, my father isn't as bad as the way your mother was.

[roamer65]

46. I think it's the other way around Siwsan.

Your mother has been a disappointment to you. If she cannot show love and affection to her own child, she has failed you.

From what I see of you on here, that is my opinion. You are a good person.

[Siwsan]

64. I had an amazing father

He was a coach, a teacher, a counselor and a principal. And, an Eisenhower Republican. His empathy and ability to listen without judgement was uncompromising. He most definitely did love me unconditionally and I never, for a second, doubted he was proud of me. One of the few times I ever heard him 'call out' my Mom was in defense of me. When he died, I lost my protector.

[Ilsa]

39. It's sad to say this, but I'm glad my parents are dead and can't see

what is happening to the country they loved and served. It would give them ulcers and heart problems.

Sometimes it is best to not deal with a trumper parent until the two of you have set boundaries.

[Honeycombe8]

41. +1. We did set boundaries. But they break those.

I'm too upset, still, this week, to deal with it. It's just a couple of days.

[Ilsa]

48. Just an idea, FWIW: send them a note

explaining that you have no desire to be disrespectful, but they cannot discuss politics with you. Tell them they have to decide whether they want you in their lives, or want to harp on politics. Then have no more contact unless they agree to steer clear of trump-talk.

Hope you don't mind my thoughts on the matter.

[Honeycombe8]

51. Thanks. No, I don't mind!

I'm just talking about a few days here...it's not a big deal, to me. It's Friday, end of the week. Just a couple of days of not having to deal with a Trumper is in order.

[MineralMan]

43. My relatives at all levels and I have an agreement: No politics.

Family overrides politics, so arguments about politics are off the table. We've been doing that for, let's see...how old am I? Over 50 years it's been since politics have been discussed in my family when we are together.

[Honeycombe8]

49. That's the best way. We tried to do that...

But they can't help bringing it up, I guess.

Stepmother made a comment recently how she was afraid Obama would send the military to start rounding up the citizens...since he was a Muslim and all.

Father called to ask "How about those tax cuts? My taxes were less...weren't yours?" (I had to tell him that the tax cuts don't take effect until he files his return next year. Then I said it's best we don't talk politics.)

Comments about how its' time we got a "businessman" to be President.

Derogatory comments about the "useless EPA."

"You need to get a MAGA decal for your cap."

Etc. Imagine what he'd say, if he hadn't agreed not to talk politics.

[GulfCoast66]

67. In an earlier post you said that while growing up...

Your father was a horrible father and was a mean SOB.

I think, reading your description that he is still a horrible father and a mean SOB.

You are a saint and have no reason whatsoever to feel a bit of guilt. The fact you still talk and are kind to him makes you better than I.

If I ever heard my mother use racial epithets she would get one warning. Do it again and I am gone.

The exception is senility or Alzheimer’s. Both of which can turn a kind person into something they would hate if they were still mentally with us.

I was reluctant to even comment on such a personal matter but you seem to not mind.

I hope you, and your parents can’t find some kind of peace.

[bdamomma]

122. That is wonderful

you and your family have a understanding of discussing no politics.

By this thread you can see how some people/families are entrenched in their beliefs and are not adaptable to other cultures, religions, genders, and political parties. I was glad I was brought up in a strict Democratic family.

Sorry for those have discourse in their families due to Fox news and not adapting to facts and truth. Bush (I had no love for him) used to say he was "uniter not a divider"but this POS is dividing and pitting Americans against Americans. .

[geardaddy]

45. Luckily, no one in my family is a Trumper or even a Republican

My parents were before Reagan (they still voted for the odd republican here and there, but not on the national level). My dad caucused for Obama, but died before he got to vote for him. I wish he could have seen him win.

My mom is a vocal anti-Trumper (and was vocally anti-Bush). I love that she's so animated about how they are ruining the country.

[Hamlette]

52. be kind to yourself and stay away when necessary

people who goad you are simply not worth it. Don't be guilt tripped into dealing with him. Be civil when you have to but avoid contact when you can.

[kimbutgar]

60. Have you ever told your Dad why you don't answer his calls?

And how disgusted you are with him and his wife?

Since you mentioned how he was mia in your young life I can’t help thinking of the cats in the cradle song. Don’t feel bad you aren’t talking to him. It’s better for your health and well being.

[Honeycombe8]

109. Thank you. This is the first time I didn't pick up on a call from him.

So there's not been anything to explain.

I just need not to interact w/Trumpers for a couple of days. They're all around me.

[Drunken Irishman]

62. Father or not - you don't need toxic in your life. Good for you.

Don't buy the whole, 'he's your father...'

Yeah and? It sounds like he's a cold, hateful Trump supporter. Why allow that into your life?

My only suggestion - tell him why you're not answering his calls. "Dad, you're my father, and I do love you, but you're too full of hate for me. I don't want that in my life."

It doesn't sound like your dad is a marginally passive Trump supporter. It sounds like he openly buys into everything Trump spews, right down to the immigration shit. That's too much nastiness for you to handle in your life.

I'm sorry you've got to put up with that.

[world wide wally]

66. My brother and I were always so close until the Amber Assclown came along.

Now we have at least reached a truce where talking about politics is strictly off limits

[Duppers]

69. My mother was like that - supported RW hate.

Once, 4 decades ago she upset me so much that I stopped answering my phone, so she resorted to sending me a telegram.

Brother is a never-trump winger - we do not touch politics. Strange that he is liberal on social issues like women's and gay rights and legalized cannabis.

My mother however is a fullout racist winger. I hated talking to her so much that I had to drink to tolerate her. Not kidding. We are 180° opposed to each other's views on most every issue.
Brother, sis, & I had to put her in nursing care 3 mos ago and I am glad she's forgotten my phone #.

Oh, and like Siwsan posted above, my mother told everyone I was stupid!

So, you know you have my sympathies!

[SpankMe]

70. I hear you.

My once liberal brother has started to turn Trumpward. He's not all the way there, yet. But I see which way the winds are blowing and am starting a new no-talking-politics-with-bro policy.

Trump is like an infection that takes months to incubate.

[Honeycombe8]

110. "Infection." I think I may steal that from you. The Trump Infection. lol. nt

[hibbing]

71. I was lucky

My father was always on the progressive side of every issue, even until his dying day. This has to be very difficult for you, do the best you can.


Peace

[Hekate]

84. Just screen all your calls. One of my best friends has done so for over 20 years because...relatives

"Hello! Please talk to the machine!" says her message.

[Honeycombe8]

115. LOL. Well, I just need a few days' break. After the S.Ct. thing.

A few days isn't asking too much, I figure. But if he brings up Trump or MAGA the next time I see them, I'm going to rethink my relationship with him and his wife.

He calls me "the tree hugger." Maybe I should be insulted, but I actually quite like that. The environment is one of my main concerns.

[Hekate]

119. You are responsible for your own safety and your own mental health...

When my mother was still chewing on me (RIP, Mom) I finally put a post-it note on my mirror and practiced this every day:

"There's no need to discuss that now. Let's change the subject."

I got it from some advice columnist, can't remember who. Wish I'd done it many years before.

My friend who screens all her calls is one of the sweetest women you could ever hope to meet. But for reasons I've never asked her to disclose, she set some firm personal boundaries decades ago, and I really respect her for it.

Best of luck. We live in dark times.

[SunSeeker]

85. I feel you. My dad is the same way.

[Honeycombe8]

111. +1. nt

[DFW]

87. As the only one of my family I assume is a Trumpanzee is one I haven't seen for 24 years

I haven't had to deal with this. He was, last I heard (about 20 years ago), on wife #3, so he's headed in the right (no pun intended) direction already. He's in Memphis and I haven't been in Memphis since about forever. Changed planes there on the way to Little Rock in 1976 maybe?

Other than that, I come from a long line of Democrats. One of my grandmothers was fired by Republican New York Mayor Fiorello La Guardia. She was his labor liason, and he found her too cozy with labor for his liking. I still have a letter she wrote in 1948 trying to raise money for the Senate campaign for the mayor of Minneapolis. His name was Hubert Humphrey.

So your situation is (mercifully!) foreign to me. I know I would have cut off all but essential contact, as my own peace of mind is of paramount importance to me. But that is just what I THINK I would do if I found myself in a similar situation. I never have, and can give you no examples from experience. I know that if it was one of my siblings, I would write hm or her off. Period. Luckily, I don't have to do that, either.

I swear, I am SO at a loss to figure out what motivates these people to be as they are. Just today, there was a big article in the American paper here in Europe about how the far right movements here in Europe are trying to make a big deal about stopping the flow of refugees from Asia Minor and Africa, now that the flow has slowed to a trickle (2015 levels or less). It's like telling people in Kansas what a hero you are for protecting them from great white sharks. Suddenly people in Kansas say, "yeah, he's right, great white sharks are vicious killers, and I haven't seen one of them since R.E. Publican has been in office! I will definitely vote for him again!" When people are THAT stupid and THAT gullible, you have no chance.

[sprinkleeninow]

106. I just pondered what is an inherent 'trait' for lack of a better word

that separates Democratically leaning people from those 'others'.

There's some sort of animosity indwelling. A kind of hardness/bitterness to want to always come out on top. To 'fix' others. Sadly, a lack of lovingkindness. And their demeanor bc of their chosen political ideology almost always offensively hurts others. They just don't see it.

[Honeycombe8]

112. +1. nt

[Nitram]

88. I understand. My parents were addicted to Fox News.

[Honeycombe8]

113. Fox News is a real problem. nt

[bdamomma]

123. I wish

there was a way to de-fang or eliminate this poisonous propaganda.

Right wing radio too.

[MarvinGardens]

108. I have an uneasy truce with my parents.

We no longer discuss politics. We used to discuss politics all the time, even though we did not vote the same way. With Trump, particularly my mother would become very upset at criticism or disagreement with him. It's as if an attack upon Trump is an attack upon her, personally. For a while, she would occasionally goad me into an argument, and we would argue, and it would not end well. Lately they have been strictly observing the truce, as have I. So much so, that I don't even know how much they support Trump anymore. I hold out hope that they will one day oppose him too. They weren't always like this, really they weren't. 20 or more years ago they'd have opposed a politician such as Trump, and they did. His name was Pat Buchanan, and my mother described him as "far right" and "scary" back then.

Thank you for your post. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Your post will motivate me to keep observing this uneasy truce with my parents.

[Honeycombe8]

114. Thanks. I hope your truce holds up. nt

[mnhtnbb]

121. Tomorrow is my Trumpster brother's birthday.

There will be no call or text or card or email from me.

I gave up on him after his support for the orange one. He's always been a Republican--its all about money for him--although I tried appealing to him as a scientist in 2004 to get him not to vote for Bush. He didn't care.

So now I don't care about him. I have no desire to be nice to someone who supports a traitorous, racist, lying con man and wannabe dictator.

[Honeycombe8]

134. +1. I do view the Trump thing as different from the Bush thing.

The Trump thing is more hate-oriented. And the lies. And teh overt not caring about other people or the country, even. Just the here and now, for hate sake and money sake. Anyway...I just wanted a short break from Trumpers. They're all around me.

[sarcasmo]

127. I'm guessing a Fox Entertainment viewer?

[Honeycombe8]

135. Exclusively. Him, not me, of course. nt

[sarcasmo]

140. Sorry you have this going on, I'm lucky my father was never sucked into the Fox Vortex.

[Sam McGee]

128. My 50-yr-old son is pretty much dead to me

For the past 25 years, he slipped deeper and deeper into hardcore rightwing insanity. He married a very nice lady 13 years ago. They have my only two grandchildren, two boys, 10 and 8.

Five years ago, he was arrested and pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography and taking indecent liberties with a minor -- he was getting it on with a 16-yr-old at the local fire station where he was a volunteer.

In the course of cleaning out his belongings while he was in jail for 6 months, my daughter-in-law and I discovered a trove of the most obscene photos you can imagine featuring my son and several other women, most of them young. We also discovered a cache of firearms -- AR-15's, shotguns, and over 4,000 rounds, most of it buried in the back yard!!!

He explained to me he was preparing for the day when the liberals unleashed the "n#####s and Mexicans" who would rampage through small communities like his, etc, etc, etc. When I told him I had sold all his guns and turned all his ammo over to the cops, he flew into a rage. He laid into me with everything I had ever heard from Fox, from the white supremacist websites, from neo-Nazis, and the like.

My daughter-in-law divorced him while he was in the slammer. We helped her and the boys move. For past five years, they have had essentially no contact with him. The boys are beginning to understand.

Wife and I, while very sad and heartbroken, are now okay with it.

I get an occasional ranting email or text from him. I ignore him. He's moved in with a 22-yr-old.

His twin sister is a law firm partner; she finally gave up on him.

Sometimes you just gotta let 'em do their thing and stop tearing yourself up over it.

We see the grandsons almost every day -- happy, smart, active young fellows.

[Honeycombe8]

136. OMG.

It was a good thing he was caught sooner rather than later. But I'm so glad your grandsons are doing fine. I can't imagine.

[Hayduke Bomgarte]

129. I cut all ties with

All my drumpfer's, even family long ago. During the fiasco of the campaign. drumpf is my enemy, and the drumpfer's support of him makes THEM my enemies too.

[Honeycombe8]

137. I understand that, totally.

I haven't gone that far. But I do need a short break from Trumperville, where up is down and down is up.

[tiredtoo]

131. Sorry to hear that.

As a 77 year old with a trumper son. we have solved this problem by keeping politics off topic. Many other shareable moments from golf to enjoying a meal together with the family.

[Honeycombe8]

138. I'm glad to hear that.

Yes, I'm nt cutting ties. And if I could count on him not to bring it up, but I can't. He may not bring up politics, per se, but it's part of his life, so comments come out.

"You should get a MAGA logo for your cap."
"Those Muslims...coming in and committing terrorism."
"Those A-rabs..."
"Obama, the Muslim..."
"Obama...the illegitimate President born in Kenya..."
"How 'bout those tax cuts?! Great!"

[maxrandb]

132. Haven't talked to my brother for over a year

And the awkward truce since Donnie Short Fingers election was at my other brothers funeral.

Brother was positively gleeful that; "that bitch lost".

I pointed out that my gay child...his nephew's... rights were in danger, and he had just helped ensure that those who want to destroy him, were now granted unfettered power to destroy him.

He responded that if that happened; "he would defend him".

So, the wingnuts have the White House, the Congress, the courts and all the state power you could hope to amass... BUT... that's OK, because my brother will defend my son

I told him to go fuck himself, and except for hello at our other brothers funeral, we haven't spoken.

Unfortunately, I think I made the right decision.

[Honeycombe8]

139. Yeah...

in other words, he doesn't want to admit to you that he thinks your child's rights don't matter, so he throws a weak "Oh, I'll defend him..." at you. Which as you point out is meaningless, if he has no rights to defend.

[Honeycombe8]

141. I finally talked to my father on the phone.

I did have intervening issues...my internet phone went on the blink, and a plumbing issue.

I finally talked to him. Nice chat. He wanted to know if I wanted more of his homegrown tomatoes & cucumbers. We started talking about fruit, since it's fruit season and we both love fruit.

Guess what he worked into the conversation? A good ol' watermelon joke....using the N word.

[irisblue]

142. How did you respond to the 'joke'?

[Honeycombe8]

143. I said...

I said something like, "Don't say that." I don't remember the exact words. I've told him before that's a derogatory word that shouldn't be used. So he already knows I don't want to hear it. He is pretty authoritarian, and although I'm over 60, he is my father and I can push only so far. He knows I'm a liberal, concerned about the environment, and the like. He takes digs at that, too. And calls CNN the "Clinton News Network."

He's 85. He's not going to change.

So in a way, it may have been a good thing that he wasn't around to raise me. My mother wasn't like that at all. Or my grandparents. I never heard things like that growing up.

[irisblue]

144. My mom is 83.

She bstill tells me to drink wayer when it's hot. Yeah. She is still stuck in mom mode.

[Honeycombe8]

145. LOL. Too funny! nt