I need some advice

[Ohiogal]

I find that, many times, since I'm white, other white right wingers just assume that I am of the same mind as they are in regards to minorities.

An example ..... There is a woman I see often at the community pool where I swim and we have become acquainted, sort of. The other day we were chit chatting about how hot the weather's been lately, and I remarked that it feels like Florida. She told me that her adult daughter lived down in Florida for a year, and hated it so she came back to Pennsylvania. I said, oh yeah, it can get hot down there in the summer. And she said, no, it wasn't the weather, she didn't like all the Hispanics. "They were everywhere!" her daughter said, "you can't even listen to the radio or go into a store and hear English down there any more" And the kicker .... my friend said her daughter "didn't feel safe going to Walmart after 9 pm because it was full of them, and the police in her town (?) told her to stay away from Walmart at night because it wasn't safe." ??? Now, what am I supposed to say to that? Since i was kind of put on the spot, I just said, uh huh, and changed the subject. Now I feel like a weenie. But how do you answer people like that when you see them all the time? Anyone have any suggestions?

[Aristus]

1. I extricate myself from the conversation as quickly and as politely as I can.

And then never talk to them again.

If I'm approached by someone wanting to know why I avoid them, then I tell them.

It doesn't happen often, thank goodness...

[WhiskeyGrinder]

2. They assume you are because you give them no reason not to.

Them: They were everywhere!

You: I don't see the problem with that.

Them: you can't even listen to the radio or go into a store and hear English down there any more

You: I don't see the problem with that.

Them: "didn't feel safe going to Walmart after 9 pm because it was full of them, and the police in her town (?) told her to stay away from Walmart at night because it wasn't safe."

You: That sounds like fearmongering to me.

[gtar100]

5. +1

Good answers.

[Ohiogal]

12. Thank you, those were good responses, I'll have to remember them next time!

[WhiskeyGrinder]

16. In the moment it can be hard to know what to do. But just being ready to speak pleasantly

about your own perspective or even just making neutral observations -- "I don't see how that's a problem, hearing other languages doesn't bother me, it's a big country we live in" -- is an easy to way to use any privilege you have without going hard on someone in a social situation, which isn't always advisable.

[Solly Mack]

3. There are some people you simply don't need in your life.

Even when you see them all the time.

She assumes you think like she does because you don't tell her otherwise.

She has no reason to think anything else.

Speak up. So she stops talking to you. Is she that important to your life?

[Doodley]

4. Be honest and be respectful. Being silent is being complicit.

[dalton99a]

6. Speak up, or it'll never end

Racists look at the world through racist glasses, and they will seize every opportunity to vocalize their racist perceptions and rationalizations

[Siwsan]

7. I'd be so tempted to look at her and say, 'That's so offensive. My Mom is Hispanic.'

And then I'd just collect my things and walk away without another word.

[Blue_true]

17. Actually say, "My mom is Hispanic and my brother is married to a Black woman and has adorable kid nt

[dem in texas]

8. I have a whole pack of family like that lady

Don't say anything, you will be wasting your time, you will not change how she looks at people. I try to stay away from the bigots in my family and only see them on special occasions.

Here is something so funny and speaks so much about the changes in American society.

My husband and I were in a local hamburger joint and seated at the next table was what looked like a Hispanic group; grandmother, mother and teenage daughter. They were having a discussion, the teen spoke
English, the grandmother spoke Spanish and the mother kept the conversation going by speaking both Spanish and English. I loved watching them, they were a living symbol of the changes taking place in our country.

[vlyons]

9. I see this as a simple problem to solve.

She has an irrational fear that she has nurtured in her mind. Tell someone like this that you think their fear of different looking people is irrational. People that look different have so much in common with us if we just open our minds and look objectively, we have the power to change our point of view. Those people have families that they love. Just like we love our family. They want to be happy, just like we want to be happy. They want their children to grow up safely and go to a good school, just like we want the best for our children. They want their parents to be free of health problems, just like we want healthcare for our families. They want to live in a decent place in a safe neighborhood, just like us. They want to be treated fairly and with respect, just like us.

[lpbk2713]

10. Just my two cents worth ...

I live in Central Florida. Most of the Hispanics (generally speaking) I encounter
are of Cuban origin. The family next door to me is Cuban. They are decent,
honorable, friendly people who would do anything for you. I would prefer the
company of these good folks over a lot of god fearing Murkins I can think of.

[Ohiogal]

13. Thank you for your post

I do remember this woman saying her daughter lived near Orlando. That was the place she hated so much..... When I vacationed in Fla many times "the Hispanics" never seemed threatening to me. I used to like hearing the Spanish because I had high school Spanish and i always tried to see how much I could understand (without being nosy, of course).

[Blue_true]

19. The Orlando area has a mix of Hispanics, lots are Cuban, many are not.

The Tampa area has a large number of Cubans because many families leaving Cuba settled there.

[moriah]

11. I often tell about my experience living in NYC.

Like the gentleman who never attempted any English in my presence, worked in a corner store nearby, who was cleaning the snow off of parked cars the first morning we woke to a ton. I presumed he did it for tips, but I was still grateful, and said "Thank you so much!!!" while reaching for my wallet. He refused my money, and my car was always cleaned the rest of the winter. Apparently everyone else just handed him cash and didn't seem thankful, or he really was just doing it as a community service.

And how I thought it was so neat to hear so many different languages -- our walk-up was in an immigrant neighborhood on the border between Brooklyn and Queens.

Do you have any experiences you can draw on that isn't necessarily directly confrontational if shared? Like I said, I can talk about this sweet man who didn't know me from anyone and didn't even necessarily speak English well enough to feel comfortable saying anything, but recognized my genuine gratitude for him being neighborly and even if it was a side-business for others who just threw money at him, mine wasn't any good to him because of treating him like a person.

Humanize the "other". Best thing I can suggest.

[Lars39]

14. I've started envisioning responding like someone in an old movie....

in a really loud voice, "Lady, you're a racist, for saying stuff like that."

[hunter]

15. "I feel the same way about places where everyone is white."

That's true for me, anyways.

I grew up in a 99% white community and got the hell out as soon as I could. I haven't lived in a majority white community since the mid 'eighties.

[tavernier]

18. On the other hand, there are bad neighborhoods in every city

I know a couple of stores not too far from me that I wouldn’t care to frequent at night... but that has nothing to do with race, but rather drugs and disreputable people of all colors and nationalities. It is a shame, but we all know this exists. We just have to stop designating labels on groups that are “different”... and start realizing that we good guys all want safe and clean and happy neighborhoods for ourselves and our kids, regardless of skin color or religion or background, and join forces to help us all to achieve this America.

[oasis]

20. Hopefully, the overwhelming amount of Hispanics will choose Democrats.

[JHB]

21. "May I ask a question, ma'am?"

"Just why do you assume I agree with you about this? I mean, here we were, having a normal conversation, and suddenly you do the next best thing to taking a dump in public. What in the world makes you think that's normal?"

[cyclonefence]

30. This is what puzzles me, too

We have posts about this all the time here at DU, RWers just assuming we agree with their views and launching right into vitriol without even feeling us out on the topic. Where the hell do they get off, believing everyone who has their skin color thinks as they do? I've never, ever been in a situation where a liberal has spoken up about a controversial political matter among strangers, assuming that hers was the opinion of the other people there. And there are more of us than them! How do they figure this is OK?

[FakeNoose]

22. I won't live in Florida either, but it's not because of racism

I'm fine with Hispanics, Puerto Ricans, Cubans, and what have you. What I hate about Florida is their bugs. They have the most disgusting pests - spiders, flies, ants, mealy bugs, mosquitoes, snakes, lizards, roaches, beetles, centipedes, millipedes, and I could go on but that's enough.

Floridians can't mow their lawn until they've checked for snakes, fire ants, and alligators. I'll take weather in Pennsylvania where we sometimes get a nor'easter, but never a hurricane and few tornadoes. Winters here don't bother me, but summers in Florida would be impossibly uncomfortable.

Sorry Ohiogal, I'm not trying to hijack your thread! If I'm confronted by a racist comment by someone I don't know very well (like the lady at your community pool) I would probably tell a white lie just to be contrary. In my nicest voice with a smile on my face, I'd say something like, "That's funny because my good friend was born in Puerto Rico, and she never shops at Walmart." You can only say that if the person doesn't know who your friends are. Once you've contradicted them, they usually shut up.

[safeinOhio]

23. Tell her you learned a little Spanish

and you now feel safe and they treat me like family.

[thbobby]

24. I used to say to myself "Don't argue with idiots"

But I have changed my attitude. There is a 70-year-old couple that lives near me. I was talking to him about voting and Obama. He said to me "I just think they should stay on their own side of the tracks". A few days later, I was driving him to the store and he said something I didn't quite understand about a black man. I asked him "He is a midget?" Of course what he said was a slur that he thought was cute. I confront him gently, but firmly. Told him "We just see things differently. All people deserve respect". I few days after his Obama comment he was saying we need a young smart president. I said, "We had one, his name was Obama". His son works at Walmart and has a daughter that needs surgery. Walmart cut his hours to under 32. His son is as racist as he is and a trump humper. I helped him get Medicaid for his daughter after he lost his job. I did remind him of how Obamacare was intended to help people with problems like his. I also told him how trump wants to cut Medicaid.

I guess, what I believe is idiocy and hatred must be confronted, but the best way to do it is dependent on what you are comfortable with and who you are confronting. But, I firmly believe it must be confronted.

[Doodley]

29. Well said. We must confront it.

[LuckyCharms]

25. Tell her that you are Hispanic...

Even if you don't look Hispanic, say that you are anyway. Don't crack a smile, and get a look of indignation on your face. Tell you you feel insulted. Look her right in the eyes when saying this.

God, I love fucking with people like her.

Watch her squirm.

[janterry]

32. Oh, there you go.

we said the same thing

[treestar]

26. That is a tough one, because one can freeze up

or figure it is not worth it to confront them. I don't always think of great things to say on the spot either.

And she is wrong if she thinks there aren't Hispanics in Pennsylvania. Google "Hazelton" Pennsylvania. They are even experiencing a revitalization due to Hispanic immigrants. At one point, they tried to make laws to drive them out, then as time went on, started to appreciate them.

[pangaia]

27. Tell her she and her daughter are ignorant, racist assholes.

The swim away.

[lamsmy]

28. Try truth

Tell her the truth: There are good people and bad people every where in the world. It has nothing to do with race or the language they speak. Luckily, most people are good, charitable and accepting.

This gives her a choice: she can be good and accepting, or she can shut the f up.

[janterry]

31. You do know I'm hispanic, don't you?

Or, you do know, my mother is hispanic -don't you?

(you might not want to go this route. Perhaps it's not even ethical.
But......I have a good friend who has done this sort of thing. Really shuts the other person up

[bucolic_frolic]

33. Generalize her prejudice to weaken it

Acknowledge there are criminals about. Tell her cultures are mixing. Tell her English sounds foreign to them.
Call her bluff: ask if Walmart is happy with the police scaring away customers.

Then tell her what a nice day it is.

[wishstar]

34. I would have told her that I stay away from all Walmarts, esp. at night but not due to Hispanics!

Same thing happens to me regarding racist and anti-immigrant whites making remarks since I do not look ethnic although I have Italian immigrant grandparents. I do tell the ignorant bigots off when they spout off prejudiced remarks about immigrants and minorities.