sexual assault

[Fresh_Start]

Everyone who is a victim has a personal reaction

Mine was shock and shame, it was years before I got over the shame to feel anger.
People don't go to the police when they are ashamed.
Women don't go police to be interrogated and have every inch of their bodies examined when they are ashamed.

You have to get to anger before you take affirmative action.

Or at least that is my experience.

I reported neither of my rapists.

But suicide was constantly on my mind.

[dlk]

1. I Am So Sorry for Your Traumatic Experiences

No one deserves to be assaulted. I hope you can find support and counseling. There are resources available for every income level. Sometimes it takes a bit to find them, but they're out there. Good luck!

[Fresh_Start]

2. Thank you for your kind words

I am a survivor.
I did have therapy years later.

But its a wound that leaves scars that you carry for life.
I know that Blasey Ford made me cry for days...and I was not the only one of my friends who were RAW from reliving their own experience.

[dlk]

3. Of Course, Any Time -- Wounds Heal but the Scars Remain for Life

Dr. Ford not only made me cry, but I was also triggered for days. I think millions of American women were. It was a turning point.

[Fresh_Start]

9. I am very sorry that you had to go through that pain.

I don't know if someone who hasn't experienced it can ever understand the degree to which is destroys a person.

And because of that, I think that we get these OBSCENE responses from church and judges and bystanders .....

Maybe he raped you, but you were drunk and think of what this will do to his career.

[jberryhill]

4. That's not relevant to the accusation against Fairfax

Here, the reaction was not "shock and shame".

The reaction in this instance was "completely forget about it, suppress the memory, complete graduate studies and begin successful career, and not remember a thing until seeing a photograph more than a decade later" unless I read the statement incorrectly.

Do please correct me if I have the facts mistaken.

[Fresh_Start]

5. I said everyone experiences this differently

I was explaining why the MOST COMMON reaction to sexual assault is to not report it to the police because people are saying that because she didn't report it, she made it up.

Not reporting is the by far the most common reaction.

And I'm sorry that you don't understand that her reaction which I don't think you are accurately stating does not negate the validity of her claim.

[jcgoldie]

6. Not to mention

"completely forgot about it" and "suppressed the memory" mean pretty much exactly the opposite thing psychologically.

[jberryhill]

7. WTF?

"I'm sorry that you don't understand that her reaction which I don't think you are accurately stating does not negate the validity of her claim."

Where did I say that?

What I said is that the sequence in your OP of "the MOST COMMON reaction" has nothing to do with the facts in this situation.

So, if "everyone experiences this differently", unless presumably they are having the "most common" experience, it is probably important to understand the facts here.

I also asked you to correct me on the facts if I had them wrong from memory.

[Fresh_Start]

8. At no time does she say she completely forgot about it.

"After the assault, I suffered from both deep humiliation and shame. I did not speak about it for years, and I (like most survivors) suppressed those memories and emotions as a necessary means to continue my studies, and to pursue my goal of building a successful career as an academic. At the time, I found this horrific incident especially degrading given my regular volunteer work at a local rape crisis center. Over the next decade or so, I would go on to earn my PhD from the University of Chicago and become a tenured professor at Scripps College, a prestigious women’s college in Claremont, California."

Again I am not her, so I can't tell you what precisely that meant to her.
For me, I compartmentalized my feelings and memories.
Most of the time, that would work so I too finished school, finished college, went to grad school.

But I was a broken person because I could not have a normal intimate relationship without self-destructing.

Until I got a lot of therapy and a very understanding partner.

That is my experience, everyone's experience is different.
But I completely understand what she is saying because I did essentially the same damn thing.

[jcgoldie]

10. good post

Thanks for sharing your story.

[theboss]

14. How about, "I'm sorry you went through this. I admire your courage."

And we move on....

[akraven]

11. You got a heart for this one.

Mine was almost 60 years ago, and the memories surface. Take care of you.

[Fresh_Start]

12. Thank you for the heart

and I am so sorry that you suffered sexual assault and still bear those scars.

[akraven]

13. I don't think you "get over it". I do believe in getting through it.

And the heart was yours to start!