Profiles in Crazy, XLIX. . . . Please come CAPTION PresiDented Trump!!!

[skip fox]

PresiDented ("It's Yahweh or the highway, and I'm Yahweh" ) Trump is saying: "The invasion on our southern border is far worse than Pearl Harbor, which only lasted a couple hours after all. . . . And even the Democrat party woun't argue that Pearl Harbor wasn't a national emergency"

[Johonny]

1. There are women tied up with duck tape. They're not quacking happily, they're quacking mad.

We have a national emergency. Drugs are streaming through our open borders like money flowing from a murderous Saudi Prince into my daughter's Charity foundation. She calls it "Ivanka lot money." We have a national emergency. Illegal caravans driving amazing vehicles that travel at unimaginable speed are racing at rates never thought possible toward our southern border. We have a national emergency. It is a border that is so open you'd think even Jared Goff could hit it. We have a national emergency. I want everyone within the sound of my voice, which I use to speak with, to know that I think this situation is not good. Very not good.

But do not worry. I will solve our national emergency. And no, I'm not resigning. That was a laugh line. You need to laugh. Okay, forget it. I will use upwards of 8 billion dollars not intended for a wall to build a wall. Now many of you would say that with almost half the fiscal year now gone, that a completely incompetent moron could not spend a tenth of that money yet alone all of that money by years end and thus that moron would just be tossing 8 billion dollars in our budget away. And I tell you not to worry, I got the guy banging my daughter, the hot one, I call him Jared, to work on it. Once he's done with peace in the middle east by starting a land war with Iran, I ran so far away, then he's going to build the wall. He's good at building things. Mostly building ties to mass murdering dictators, but also walls. Really nice walls. So in passing, a thousand points of light will shine on that beacon on a hill thanks to my incredible presidency which has been incredible, but no one will see it anymore, because there's a huge fucking wall blocking its view. I call that wall, freedom. I call the funding for that wall, a slush fund.