'Hold Still,' Says Eric Trump Swinging Sword At Don Jr. Trapped Inside Knight's Armor
LONDONConcentrating as he lined up the 19th-century saber against the plate mail cutting off his brothers breathing, Eric Trump reportedly shouted, Hold still! Wednesday before swinging a sword at the knights armor Don Jr. was trapped inside at Buckingham Palace.Okay, on a count of three, Im gonna whack you with this sword and chop the armor off so then youll be freequick, before the guards come, said Eric to his panicking, hyperventilating brother, raising the sword following several failed attempts to pry Don Jr. from the armor hed gotten stuck inside after the two snuck away from a palace tour to knight each other. Stop saying youre gonna die in thereand dont pee, whatever you do, otherwise the armor will rust and youll be stuck inside forever and ever. Since they havent invented WD40 over here yet, Im putting in another stick a butter to make it extra slippery. Hold your breath so I can cut you free with this old knife, otherwise I might cut you in half and well have to go to the knight hospital. Ready? At press time, Eric had abandoned his brother after hearing a palace employee announce it was time for dinner.
https://politics.theonion.com/hold-still-says-eric-trump-swinging-sword-at-don-jr-1835276957