Trump Escalates Baltimore Attacks With Rambling Press Conference Tearing Into Edgar Allan Poe

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

WASHINGTON—Criticizing the 19th-century writer as a “death-obsessed weirdo with very little literary talent,” President Trump doubled down on his attacks against the city of Baltimore Monday by tearing into Edgar Allan Poe during a rambling, three-hour press conference on the White House lawn. “This guy was a pathetic loser and boozehound who was too busy crying about his lost love to write any half-decent stories,” said Trump during an oftentimes discursive and meandering speech that mocked the “disgusting, cousin-marrying hack” for his “boring” short stories and poems. “Everyone says The Raven, okay? But a raven? Not very scary. Not scary at all. It’s just a dumb bird. Maybe if he had spent less time concerned about internal rhyme schemes and more time fixing the broken and crime-ridden city that he lived in, we wouldn’t have these problems in Baltimore right now—he’s a disgrace to the Whig Party. Not original. Not smart. And I know a lot of people who love detective fiction, and they all tell me Poe’s Dupin character was a disaster, just a complete disaster for the genre.” Media analysts noted that Trump’s attacks stand in stark contrast to his habit of routinely heaping praise on Romanticists associated with New York like Washington Irving and Herman Melville.

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-escalates-baltimore-attacks-with-rambling-3-hour-1836792672?utm_source=TheOnion_Daily_RSS&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=&utm_term=

[grumpyduck]

1. Oh, so now he's a literary critic?

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

44. I feel like I'm living in Bizzaroworld.

A world where the most ill-read and illiterate president is expounding on a great American author? This sounded like something Kellyanne would spoon feed him.

And a three hour open air press conference? Who does that? (Don't answer -- it's rhetorical.) I would have loved to have seen a reporter raise their hand and when called on say, "I've got to go to the bathroom. Are you planning on saying anything newsworthy in the next 10 minutes, or are you just going to continue ranting?"

[panader0]

2. Somehow I knew Poe would be dragged into this BS. Thanks onion.

[grumpyduck]

45. Oh, crap. :)

Gotta read those bylines. They got me this time.

[panader0]

46. Don't feel bad. Reality and satire have blended theses days.

Many OPs begin: "Not the Onion".....

[spin]

52. Sometimes with Trump the truth is stranger than sarcasm from the Onion. ...

So there is no reason to be embarrassed because you didn’t read the byline.

[sinkingfeeling]

3. Trump wouldn't have a clue to what Poe wrote let alone the

names of his characters. The Onion missed with this one.

[forgotmylogin]

41. Lub Dub, Orange M'F'er

"...tear up the planks! here, here! --It is the beating of his hideous heart!"

[ck4829]

48. Right

[lapucelle]

4. I have to learn to read the citation before I start texting.

With Trump, the Onion headlines look extremely plausible.

[pangaia]

5. shit shit shit shit

it took me 3-4 lines to realize.......

my god WHAT does that mean ???????????

that is scary as.... shit...

[Leith]

12. Don't feel bad

I read the whole OP, wondering who told hair furor about Edgar Allen Poe, and believed it. Then I saw the link to The Onion.

D'oh!

[pangaia]

18. LOL Whew.

Somebody dumber than me..
No just joking.....


Nut I AM glad somebody else got farther than I did...

[Leith]

22. Yeah, I'm laughing, too

I usually catch it much sooner.

It isn't us - it's the putrid lump in the White House.

[dixiegrrrrl]

17. I'm eating dinner while reading this, and spitting peas in my indignation....

and then I paused and thought.....and checked the by line.

got me again......

[pangaia]

19. that is really horrifying.. because that is becoming the new reality

[uponit7771]

30. +1

[dhill926]

6. I KNEW it haha....

orange shitstain would never read....

[Grasswire2]

7. honestly, you should put "onion" in the subject line. Please.

It's too possible for people to recognize it as satire.

[PA Democrat]

8. I almost believed this but then considered that Trump

most likely has no idea who Edgar Allan Poe was.

[Blaukraut]

13. Yup, that's what tipped me off to this being satire. Everything else totally believable n/t

[ck4829]

49. Yep

[no_hypocrisy]

9. Poe is buried in a graveyard in Baltimore, behind The World Famous Lexington Market.

And the grave is markedly sunken.

[smirkymonkey]

10. I knew this was going to be the Onion.

Because Trump would have no idea who Edgar Allan Poe actually was.

[yonder]

11. I was halfway through it and came across "internal rhyme schemes". WTF?

I thought no way tRump could come up with that and then looked at the link. Ah Ha, the Onion. It's sad really that an outlandish story like this can be mistaken for the truth and another example of how far we've fallen with our expectations of the highest office in the land.

[ck4829]

50. The office of president has become a shadow of itself

[Maraya1969]

14. Oh damn! Can you please also alert to the word, "Parody" when you post stuff like this please?

I don't like being taken for a ride.

[Tipperary]

20. You actually thought rump would even know who Edgar Allen Poe was?

Yikes.

[LuvNewcastle]

31. Yeah, as soon as I saw Edgar Allen Poe and Trump in the same sentence,

I said "Onion!"

[redstateblues]

15. MAGA Ravens fans won't like that

[JaneQPublic]

16. The list of great Baltimore writers is long

Trump has lots of insults yet to hurl.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Writers_from_Baltimore

[BlueStater]

21. This time I knew it was the Onion.

No way in hell Mango Manboobs knows anything about Poe.

[BigmanPigman]

23. I thought of The Tell Tale Heart...

" 'The Tell-Tale Heart" is a first-person narrative of an unnamed narrator, who insists that he is sane, but is suffering from a disease (nervousness) which causes "over-acuteness of the senses". Due to the ambiguity surrounding the identity of the story's narrator, the narrator's gender is uncertain."

"He is insists he is sane"...now that is the Racist Rapist right there.

[Collimator]

24. It took me a second to question the providence of the story.

I bought into it for a few lines, but then the ???? started in the thought bubble over my head when I realized the unlikelyhood of Trump ever reading Poe.

[zentrum]

25. LOL

[patphil]

26. I knew it wasn't real, Trump couldn't read a pamphlet, let alone a novel.

[dflprincess]

27. It had me believing it until my reason kicked in and

I realized no way Trump has ever read a single word Poe wrote....Then I saw The Onion link and my suspicions were confirmed.

[demigoddess]

28. I thought he might have know about Edgar Allen Poe by watching old movies!!

it is possible. but never by reading the books.

[sakabatou]

29. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the truth from satire

[Johnyawl]

32. HAHAHAHAHA I was reading it to my wife...

...when she said "That has to be the Onion!" I really fell for that one!

[Nasruddin]

33. Just raven mad he is

[Martin Eden]

34. As soon as "boozehound" and "lost love" were mentioned

I knew it was satire.

Trump is too ignorant to know that much about Poe.

[B Stieg]

35. And you know who Poe was pals with?

Yup. Frederick Douglass!
And, of course, A$AP Rocky...

[defacto7]

36. In the beginning of the first thing

lies the secondary cause of all things
with the germ of their inevitable annihilation.

E. A. Poe

Eat that you brainless shit of a president.

[Mme. Defarge]

37. I say, "Never more..."

[lunatica]

38. Shit! I think the Onion is just reporting what's really happening.

[jcgoldie]

40. Yeah its almost believable except one dead giveaway...

There's no way in hell illiterate dumbass Trump knows who Edgar Allen Poe is.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

42. Time to reconsider the 25th

[Eugene]

43. Whew!!! It's only The Onion, but MF45 dumped on George Washington,

so this is all too plausible.

[ck4829]

47. K&R

[DetlefK]

51. The saddest part is, that this kind of over-the-top satire has become believable.

Trump has killed comedy.

[Vinca]

53. This is the first time I knew it was the Onion without looking. There's no way Dear Leader

knows there is a Baltimore connection to Edgar Allan Poe. In fact, it's a good bet he thinks Poe is a real estate developer.