If a friend threatens you during a political discussion do you forgive him?

[Cary]

1. The man is stupid and has some issues;

2. The man is a far right wing Evangelical Christian but will not admit it and claims to be a "messianic Jew;"

3. The man did not think of apologizing but appealed to me by saying he forgives people because some people have issues (which he clearly has);

4. I get whataboutism from him, when he managed to get around my blocks I told him that he threatened me and that was the reason why I blocked him, to which his first response was "you threaten."

The threat was to the effect of "Let's take this debate to the next level, I will destroy you." I have no idea what he thinks he can do but that is irrelevant. No friend of mine threatens me. Ever.

As an aside:

I have a hard time justifying this friendship because of his idiotic soft racism and stupidity alone. This however us the perfect justification for dumping him.

Oldest friend though. It isn't easy yet I feel better without.

35 votes, 1 pass | Time left: Unlimited
	Friendship over
	34 (97%)
	Give him more opportunities to abuse me.
	1 (3%)
	1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[maxsolomon]

1. He isn't your friend.

He's a child.

[Cary]

5. Children can be friends too.

I agree but there is merit to the Christian turn the other cheek thing, which is what he suggested to me.

I'm not Christian.

Thank you for the input and for listening.

[leftieNanner]

22. Yes, but

That also requires taking responsibility for your transgressions. He must have forgotten that part.

[Cary]

49. Indeed

[Proud Liberal Dem]

2. I don't know exactly what kind of "threats" you're talking about specifically

But, to me, threats seem like they should be a deal-breaker in terms of friendship.

[Caliman73]

3. Sounds like you've already made your choice.

Based on how you asked the questions, it seems you are looking for validation rather than a response. For me, I have family that have fundamentally different views on politics than I do. I was raised in a culture that values family immensely so it is a challenge though I do not really communicate frequently with those in my family who hold those opposite views. As far as "friends" though, we are friends with people who add value to our lives and to whose life we add value. If you find that this guy adds no value to your life then it is probably the right decision to disengage.

[Cary]

6. Not so much validation as much as discussion

I wrestle with this.

[Caliman73]

14. Well, then you have to think of it in terms of what this person adds versus what they take from you.

the length of time you have been friends is important but what is more important is who much can you trust that this person genuinely cares about you and would be there for you.

"destroying you" in a debate is aggressive, but is it really a threat? like to your body or mind?

If it is a pattern of inflammatory language and you dread speaking to this person, then like you said, you may be better off not communicating.

It would be a pretty easy justification. "Look, we've been friends a long time and we've disagreed on things, but this is about fundamental values and it sounds like ours have become incompatible. You are never going to change my mind and I am obviously not going to change yours so it is better that we stop talking to each other."

[FM123]

4. Put your friend in time out. Then walk away.

You don't have to decide if you want to forgive him or dump him right now. You can revisit the idea of friendship in a year or two, if you want. I suspect a lot of these far right kooks are "under the influence" right now but might sober up when life under trump gets painful enough. Maybe.

[mitch96]

19. "Put your friend in time out. Then walk away."

I did that with a long time friend.. When we were young we were against the war and pretty much liberal. He got draft number came up but chose the Navy and after his enlistment he "saw the light" and became a staunch conservative. That was ok by me but I had to end it after he would not quit his nonstop talking about how repukes and neocons were the only way to go. I told him we could still be friends if he would just SHUT UP about politics.. Haven't heard from him since.
Sad, we were good friends with lots of great history...
m

[FM123]

29. Yes, it really is sad.

I suspect that there are so very many stories like yours (and the OP) out there. The repugs & trumpsters have really brainwashed so many of those we knew and loved...

[Floyd R. Turbo]

7. Fortunately I have no friends like that!

[Cary]

11. Fortunate indeed.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

16. Yep! I divorced myself from every puke I knew during the Bush years! ✌🏻

[brooklynite]

8. Define "threaten"

[Cary]

10. 4th paragraph from the bottom

When I quoted him he said "that doesn't sound like me."

[brooklynite]

20. Still don't see the threat

[Polybius]

66. "Let's take this debate to the next level, I will destroy you."

Sounds to me like he challenged him to a fight.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

9. We keep a lot of old friendships on life support when we should really just let them go.

[Bradshaw3]

32. I read something recently that makes me agree

It said that friendships have a natural cycle like most everything else. I always thought you were friends - at some level - for life. But maybe it's not a bad thing that friendships kind of run their course.

[Aristus]

12. With a profile like that, all I can say is I'm surprised you haven't thrown him out a window

long since.

Get rid of him. He is not worthy of the friendship of any decent human being.

[Cary]

17. 40% of the electorate

So it is hard to write them all off. Isn't it?

We need to be engaged. Don't we?

[Aristus]

42. We do, sure. But so do they.

They seem more interesting in pissing on the process than participating in it.

If I have to listen to one more shit-for-brains ne'er-do-well tell me he voted for Trump in order to "shake things up"...

[flying_wahini]

13. Unfortunately, my sister shares her life with a redneck, alcoholic Republican.

He has been known to scream and get in your face and push a finger in your chest
after starting an argument. He rages frequently when drunk, which is every time we have any kind of family gathering. Did I mention he has a gun in his car?

I just dread the holidays.

[avebury]

31. While I am sure that you love your sister, why on earth would

you risk the safety of yourself and your family around him? You cannot control the choices of your sister and the rest of your family, you can only decide what is best for you and your family.

Given the climate we live in, should your BIL aggressively go after someone he might find himself on the other end of a gun as he gets shot because the other person fears for his/her life.

[flying_wahini]

37. The problem is that I want to see the rest of my family during the holidays.

But sadly, we may have other plans for the holidays this year.

[Downtown Hound]

15. I dropped one of my friends for making

A general threat to anyone who wants to take their guns away. It wasn't even directed at me personally. But I don't suffer fools. And I sure as hell don't take threats. Drop him. I don't mean to be alarmist, but you never know, especially these days, it could save your life.

[Doodley]

18. What is it that you want to achieve from this thread?

[Cary]

27. "Achieve?"

???

[dawg day]

21. Friendships fade. This one has imploded.

You don't need to make a big deal about it. Just detach.
There are friendships which are too upsetting and stressful. When I find myself dwelling on negative things a friend said, or I find I'm dreading being around that friend, I know it's probably time to let it go.

You don't owe anyone friendship, especially if it's bad for you.

I wonder if Trumpists ever realize that they're driving away their friends and loved ones-- or do they just blame "everyone out to get me."

[Cary]

23. Thanks. I did walk away.

Blocked him. He figured out away around my blocks and contacted me like nothing had happened.

[Maru Kitteh]

69. You have to get super-rude with these people. "I find your racism DEPLORABLE and no longer want you

to contact me in any way. I will consider it harrassment if you continue and report you to the appropriate authorities. There will be no second warning."

Click.

[Cary]

70. I unloaded on him

He can contact me any time he wants an ear full.

[Cary]

25. And that is a good question

[Cary]

28. Interesting how all the elements weave together..

Authoritarian cannot handle complexity, too stupid to discuss and lashes out, cannot admit fault, reduces all to his fundamentalist religious terms, cannot fathom that I don't adhere to his orthodoxies, whataboutism, ...

[Whiskeytide]

24. I tell my conservative friends that ...

... they need to be nice to me and remain civil, and that if they do, I’ll recommend them for a trustee position in the concentrations camps when we regain control of the government and round them all up.

[Cary]

26. Ha!

[Timewas]

30. Almost lifelong friend

Is all in for anything on the right and an avid trumpster....I really really hated having to finally give up and break the ties with him...BUT I also felt much better afterward...I would gladly welcome this friendship back but pretty doubtful..

[nocoincidences]

33. I recently blew up an online friendship

because I had the temerity to refer to his support of children being tortured at the border as Nazism, and that he was a just a "good German" for not speaking up about it.

Haven't missed our daily chats for over a month now.

That's how you know you have been hanging on to the 'ideal' of friendship for too long.

Give yourself awhile and notice if you actually miss anything about him.

[Cary]

44. Nope don't miss him

It was 6 months ago. I regret that I hesitated for a full 5 minutes to block him.

But he got around my blocks and contacted me.

[gratuitous]

34. It can be a tough call

Especially when it's a friend or acquaintance of long standing. But persistent truculence and sustained hostility aren't qualities I find very friendly. I think you have made the right decision to cut him out of your online life.

[Paladin]

35. Cut him loose. And please do so immediately.

Individuals with beliefs and manners like him need pay a severe penalty, and learn that their behavior carries a high price. Your termination of your friendship conveys the exact lesson he needs to learn. I know from personal experience that it's not easy, but it's the correct thing to do. Best of luck.

[Cary]

46. His consequences are irrelevant to me

If I had control I shake the man until the shattered pieces of his brain realigned to the point where logic and reason played a role in his life. Alas, I have no such power and if I tried I go to prison.

[Paladin]

48. Lose the friend, skip prison. It'll all work out. Best of luck. (nt)

[Cary]

50. Yep. Thanks.

[qazplm135]

36. I couldn't be friends with a conservative very easily

completely different moral and ethical paradigms.

So, if such a friendship occurs, it's probably already on shaky ground such that strike two is never going to happen.

[mitch96]

58. I couldn't be friends with a conservative very easily"

I have one long time friend who is conservative and a previous teabagger.. We get along great..
WE DON’T DISCUSS POLITICS!! Very rarely a comment comes out from him or me and we just roll our eyes and the other gets the point. Works for us..... I’ve known him since I was 5 years old!!!
M

[struggle4progress]

38. "Well! I know somebody who's not getting invited to the Revolution!"

[CTyankee]

39. "Get some help. Come back when you are better and we'll talk."

That's what I'd say. That "friend" is not right in the head. Needs help. If he gets it, maybe he'll get better and can be your friend again.

[Turin_C3PO]

40. Is it a friendship that stretches back to childhood?

If so, maybe take a break then resume contact when Trump is out of office. If it’s a more recent friendship, I’d just cut ties altogether.

[lunatica]

41. Friends are as friends do

Consider the quality of your friendship to the people you call friends.

Have you ever said something that you later apologized for? Or did you let it slide because you think any friend of yours should do that rather than apologize.

Did this friend of yours show a side of themself that they kept normally hidden from view? In that case are they sincerely your friend?

If you hold yourself accountable for what you do or don’t do then shouldn’t you hold everyone accountable for the same things?

Was your friend reacting to something specific you said at that moment that would warrant such a threat, or is it your opinion in general that he’s reacting to?

[RandiFan1290]

43. I don't associate with racists. nt

[lpbk2713]

45. I try to keep my distance from willfully ignorant people.

Especially the transparent bible thumper types.

[Cary]

47. He is a crypto thumper

He has a degree in "Jewish Studies" from Moody Bible. WTF?

Look at the curriculum. How to relate to Jewish people and their culture? How to "plant 'messianic' synagogues in Jewish communities?"

I hate these people.

[sandensea]

51. My experience is that, in those cases, the friendship is over either way

And as always, anyone who resorts to insults or threats in what should be an amiable discussion, is the immediate loser.

It's his way of admitting that you were right - and that he ran out of arguments.

But then, he is a Republican. Other than ad hominem attacks, name-calling, and facile whataboutisms, they usually have nothing.

[Cary]

55. We cannot know what he thinks

My narrative on that is that his thinking is not linear, like yours or mine. He is given "truth" from FoxNews and such and God only knows what he is told by his "Messianic Jew" nutbars.

He has issues. He was put into a special school when we were kids. He is unable to process.

[sandensea]

59. He's brainwashed alright

The struggle is real.

[Cary]

60. Being a decent human being I feel sorry him

He means well, at least in my narrative.

[sandensea]

61. I'm sure he does. That makes the brainwashing that much sadder

A lot of these people seem to think that if minorities could be swept out, that if women could be put 'in their place', and that if dissent could be quashed, America would be - wait for it - "great again."

That's the Powell memo in action: radicalize as many voters as possible so much, that even minor reforms would be impossible.

You're a brave guy to put up with your friend so well. All the Best!

[Cary]

62. Yep, the Powell memo

Done my share with this particular puke. It's over but lots of good thoughts here.

[TheRealNorth]

52. If he doesn't apologize...

Game over

[secondwind]

53. I just had to block my favorite brother-in-law.

He’s been sending FB crap on Messenger (4 just this morning), and emails that are so absurd I wonder about his mental state. Rabidly anti-Muslim, immigrants, gays, abortion etc. Had enough.

[Cary]

57. I understand

Ugh

[LiberalFighter]

54. There are different levels of so called friends.

You can go from lover to enemy and everything in between.

[DFW]

56. Though I have no such friends

Two things that would be deal breakers for me: violence and the threat thereof.

Let me preface that by saying that I have at least one friend who is so far to the right, if you read his website, you can't decide if he needs to be locked up or just dispatched by lethal injection. He never advocates violence directly, although you get the distinct impression that if it were up to him to have women burned at the stake for having had an abortion, he wouldn't hesitate to give the order. But confoundingly, he is sincerely charming in person, and while he sticks to his positions, he is never uncivil when in enemy territory (e.g. my presence). He, himself, will state that he knows "when to leave his guns at the door." Call him evil, warped (and I do), whatever, but he is highly intelligent, and will actually listen to you (before telling you why you are a libbrul soshalist etc).

But violence? That is the Rubicon for me.

[ooky]

63. I refuse to remain friends with anyone who supports this evilness and this

utter nonsense about walls and the like. I only had one friend who did this and I dumped his ass. I can't be in the same room with someone like that and just ignore the elephant. He may be talking about something and I'm just sitting there thinking this is someone who is okay with taking small children from their mothers and caging them. I just don't respect anyone who has these values. It makes my skin crawl to have them around me.

[smirkymonkey]

64. Cut the cord.

Nobody needs that kind of aggravation in their life. I can't tell you how much more peaceful my life is now that I no longer associate with people who are hostile or who create unnecessary drama. Once these people are out of your life, you begin to realize how much of a drain they were on your mental health and general sense of well-being.

[Cary]

65. Cognitive dissonance

Just being around their stupidity, even if they aren't mouthing it, is taxing.

[RobinA]

67. What I Would

have to consider is not the fact that he threatened me, I'd probably just laugh. I'd be more upset that a supposed friend wants to destroy me. I mean, what the hell?

[Cary]

68. Yes, that's the threat.

[backscatter712]

71. Cut him off. He's a fucking piece of shit.

I don't tolerate fundies or MAGAchuds in my life. I've cut off childhood friends because of their toxic shit.

Would you be friends with a Nazi? Because that's what you would be doing if you're friends with a Trump supporter.