Saturday's Tail Gate party went very bad..

[CTyankee]

Yale's opening game for the season, against Holy Cross. Our tailgate group eager to get the party on...good eats on a big grill, lots of sides and desserts and much to drink.

Then, one guest came, a verbal tussle and cops called...

A friend of ours, a Yalie (altho he didn't graduate from Yale), showed up after he had been banned two years earlier for his "bad behavior." He had shown up then glassy-eyed, with an unzipped fly and began sticking his fingers in the dips to taste them. We were horrified and he was asked to leave, which he did. It turns out he had not taken his medication for depression that morning.

So this year, he asked to be re-invited and said he was ON his meds. He apologized for his past behavior and asked to be allowed to attend and got permission, with the caveat "Take your meds." He arrived with two quiches to contribute to the food table and seemed perfectly normal.

But one lontime tailgater had not gotten the message of his re-invitation. She confronted him saying "What are YOU doing here!You are not welcome! Leave or I'm calling the cops!"

Before we knew it cops arrived. Our friend, nonplussed, had left. I spoke to the cops about our friend's kindness and his service to the community as a volunteer on the Homeless Commission. As he had left the party, there was no further issue with the police.

I had a lengthy conversation with him today. He was upset that he had followed the rules but was still "outlawed." He had not demonstrated any bad behavior but still was publicly humiliated. He said he was starting his own tailgate group.

Sad start to Yale's new fall season, which we all love.

[elleng]

1. Sorry, and I hope he is ok with the events

and returns some day.

[CTyankee]

2. He's a kind guy. when I was ill last year he drove me to my doctors' visits and helped me with

with errands when I was too exhausted with my husband's care to do. He was there for us. I told his tailgate detractor about this and she was unmoved.

what is the matter with people?

[elleng]

3. 'The matter with people' is often unknowable.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

4. The person you ned to have the conversation with

is the one who called the cops. She was out of line. Although it would have helped to have let everyone know that Yalie was invited this year.

[CTyankee]

7. Actually, we consulted with one of the tailgate "leaders" and he was fine with it.

this was a complete surprise to everyone around us.

I suspect that his objector had been drinking rather steadily. She has been known to indulge a bit more than most.

Our friend, my husband and I were not drinking alcohol. Hubby and I don't drink any more at all.

[trof]

5. I've enjoyed a couple of tail gates next to the Yale Bowl.

I was there for "The Game", the 100th.
Very elaborate 'do'.

[CTyankee]

8. What year was that? We've lived in New Haven for over 40 years...and we love the Bowl...

were there a couple of years ago when Paul McCartney and Malia Obama were both present. Paul has a grandson at Yale; Malia I believe was a freshman at Harvard.

The Game will be at the Bowl this year. Gonna be a big do as usual. Filets on the grill and lots of champagne. The following week will be Thanksgiving where we have to be in the company of my ex-husband, big Harvard guy. Pray Yale wins this year...

[trof]

10. Bush 1 was VP. We saw his limo and secret service entourage.

You could look up the year.
We drove from Merrimack, NH in a motor home I rented.
4 couples.
Nice to have your own loo.

[CTyankee]

19. The Port o potties this year are much better than in years past or god forbid, the women's

bathroom of the Bowl itself...NOT HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE! No bars to pull oneself off the toilet. Clean, but designed by men, for men.

[TidalWave46]

6. Sorry for the sad start. Difficult to read.

Some people I know have pretty bad days when they are on medication, and it can be frightening when they are off them. I try to stay a constant in their life no matter what has been said or done. Being so close to it is why I understand that “saving face” is often much easier than exposing one’s self to a new group.

[CTyankee]

9. IMO, he had done everything he should have done. It's the other party that was (probably, don't

know for sure) drinking.

What more could the guy do?

[Ligyron]

11. That really is a sad start but I guess it could have been worse.

I mean, Holy Cross could have won, right?

[CTyankee]

12. I don't think I mentioned that our friend is African American and the rest of the

tail gate membership, with only a very few exceptions, is white.

[Ligyron]

26. Oh, that's maybe a factor

although it shouldn't be.

[GulfCoast66]

13. My first thought was First World Problem.

But then read the medical issues and finally the potential racial issue.

But at the end of the day tailgate parties with lots of alcohol and little known folks are always a recipe for disaster.

But look on the bright side. I went to an SEC school(which I follow religiously). Down here it might have ended in a shooting! Ok I kid. Most folks are super nice.

Your team ever go to LSU(not my school) make sure you go. The tailgating is mind blowing and you be offered the best food you have ever had. Unless they think you might actually win, which is unlikely at LSU!

I hope it works out with your friend. Sounds like he needs a new environment. Glad he seems to be doing better.

[CTyankee]

18. FOOD! I'd love to go!

We often watch Big 10 games on TV. Spectacular half times. I don't watch the games but I watch half times...

[lunatica]

14. May I suggest something that might fix this?

Get your entire tailgate team together to discuss this situation. Your lady friend should be a part of it because she’s not guilty of any form of racism or general assholery. She expected he would act the same way and reacted to protect the group from another extremely embarrassing situation with him.

If it’s important enough then the group will come up with how to deal with it. They might decide to apologize and ask him back. He isn’t just a jerk. He has a physiological problem that requires medication. If you just let this go without doing something it will always bother you. It could be one of those things you regret for the rest of your life.

[CTyankee]

16. The antagonist in this tale is also one of the founders of this particular tail gate party.

I doubt she would allow this conversation to go on further.

He did consult with one of the other "founders" and had a frank discussion. So this was something the "leaders" had talked about in advance.

Sorry I forgot to mention our friend's race. This will have to be discussed in terms that include race. Plus, it seems crude in the context of the vaunted Ivy League. But now I see it is going to have to be considered.

[a la izquierda]

15. Sucks for the guy.

But I venture to say no one at that party has ever been to a Mountaineers tailgate party. The behavior can be shocking to say the least (and the behavior of the guy wouldn’t bat an eyelash).

[CTyankee]

17. There is always a small contingent of NH police at the Bowl for these events.

It's probably because of the possibility of trouble when people are drinking.

It's funny because the big 10 schools are often parodied by the regular performance of the ironically titled Yale Precision Marching Band, a group that parodies Big 10 school's half time bonanzas. These parodies are usually crude. By the time of The Game (with Harvard) the half time presentations tend to be a lot of fun.

The Game will be at Yale this year.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

20. Why the fuck did she call the cops? WTF?

There is a lot going on here.

[CTyankee]

21. From past experience, I know this woman is always a little drunk by the party's end.

She never forgave the incident when he was off his meds. Or maybe it's because he has brought a white woman as his date to the party in the past.

At any rate, she is one of the "founders" of the party, having a kid who was a Yalie. I don't know the rest of the story on her, but I am certain that race has played a part in it.

The majority of attendees are great. No axes to grind, no nasty remarks about anybody, just a relaxed bunch out for a good time on game day and folks rooting for Yale.

The Cornell game is next Saturday. I intend to avoid her at all costs. Maybe someone who knows her better can speak to her about the scene she has caused.

Stay tuned!

[lunatica]

27. You responded to my comment made earlier upthread

Now I understand much better what you’re group dynamics are. And it does look like racism has to be discussed (if there is even a discussion). At the very least it has the appearance of racism.

I'm glad The rest of the people are simply out to have a good time without judgement. That is critically important, especially now when racism is something that needs to be acknowledged confronted

I appreciate that you told us this story.

[CTyankee]

31. I'll be at the tailgate party for Saturday's game and will lreport back if there is any

feedback from other attendees.

[RobinA]

22. A Sad Example

of the current vogue of opening one's mouth before knowing the facts. The day hasn't started if you haven't gotten in someone's face about something these days.

[CTyankee]

23. Oh, I hope somebody has a word with her before next Saturday's game.

I don't think she made any friends with this stunt...

[GusBob]

24. Off topic but I was thinking about whilst reading this book

"the Game: Harvard, Yale and America in 1968" by George Howe Colt

Football and politics both

[CTyankee]

25. Oh, yes. I remember that game, married to a Harvard man then. Wasn't that the one that

Yale was supposed to win but ended in a tie?

[GusBob]

28. Spoiler alert

Yes Yale was up by a bunch with just over a minute to go and H came back to tie

Both teams were undefeated but Yale was supposed to win

But the book is more than football it is about the Politics of that generation

[CTyankee]

29. I have to get that book! I lived it and it will be interesting to relive it.

Was that the year that women were admitted to the Ivy League schools? I remember the Seven Sisters weren't admitting men at one point and then most of them started to admit them. Except for a couple. One was Mount Holyoke that my daughter attended and it's still all female.

[GusBob]

30. It was around that time

it is covered in the book along with black and Jewish enrollment and that of public school students