"Sadly, Mr. Lupner was born without a spine."
Those of us who remember the early days of SNL will recall the pitiable Edna Lupner, who frequently lamented the untimely passing of her husband – who, she often tearfully explained, had been born without a spine.
Imagine her shock when she recently learned that her husband was not dead after all, but had abandoned Edna and their daughter, Lisa, after which he dyed his hair, changed his name, and moved to another state – where he eventually ran for office as a Republican and was elected to congress.
Upon hearing the news, a shocked Mrs. Lupner determined to find her faithless spouse, and confront him with his cowardly behaviour. However, after perusing hundreds of photos and hours of video footage of sitting GOP senators and congressmen, Mrs. Lupner was unable to positively identify the allegedly-dead Mr. Lupner.
“It’s impossible to figure out which one he is,” she said, “being that all of the Republicans I’ve seen have the same affliction, having themselves been born as spineless as my husband.”
Todd de la Muca, husband of the Lupners’ daughter, has offered a reward for any information leading to the identification of his father-in-law, stating, “I don’t care if he can’t stand up on his own. I’ll give him some noogies he’ll never forget.”
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Just for reference: