Empathy

[central scrutinizer]

Ms. Central Scrutinizer was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on April 15, 2016 and passed on March 1, 2017. I was her primary caregiver but lots of friends and family were there when I needed help.

There were many days when I was distracted. First by the overwhelming details of doctor visits, medications, hospice,... Later by overwhelming grief. I should not have been behind the wheel of a car or doing anything that may have impacted others. But I did. Was it any different than driving under the influence or texting or ... ? Luckily I didn't hurt anyone.

My epiphany: anybody you interact with, directly or indirectly, may be just like me at that time. Have empathy as your first response. Be kind, pay it forward and hope your seeds grow and bear fruit.

An example : I took my car in to the dealer for service. As I was driving away, the rear wheel fell off. The mechanic forgot to tighten the lug nuts. I could have screamed and yelled, but instead pleaded with the service manager not to fire the mechanic. Maybe she/he had personal problems. I don't know what happened but asking for the mechanic's head wouldn't have helped me.

My message: be kind, help others whenever possible, be tolerant, be understanding, be a Democrat in action, not just online.

[Maeve]

1. There are many ways people deal with pain

Turning it into empathy is one of the most amazing and wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

And sympathies for your loss. Two years is a short time...and a lifetime.

[dewsgirl]

2. I am so sorry about your wife, I watched my dad die from

Pancreatic cancer. Such a cruel unrelenting disease.

[central scrutinizer]

3. Thank you

She was so strong. Woke up the day after the election and said, "I can deal with cancer in my body but not cancer in the country."

[malaise]

4. So sad

[dewsgirl]

5. ...

[George II]

6. Beautiful post...thanks.

[spanone]

7. K&R...

[erronis]

8. If I've learned anything in my few years, I've learned that we're all in this together

I do a bit of volunteering in my community, especially with older folks with very little resources.

After I get to know them, I learn that they have a past that is as rich, or richer, than mine.

Everyone has something to give. We just need to open our hearts and minds to listen.

[Collimator]

9. Thank your for your post.

And I am very sorry for your loss.

One of my philosophies in life is : When possible, lead with compassion. A shift in thinking may prove necessary after certain facts are known, but choose compassion whenever you have the choice.

[Mc Mike]

10. Thank you, central.

[roamer65]

11. My deepest sympathy.

I lost my mom in May due to cancer.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her.

Peace be with you.

[Karadeniz]

12. Thank you!❤ You're so right!

[grantcart]

13. I do not have the words to express my overwhelming admiration for your wisdom

I do not have the words to express my admiration for the many kindnesses you showed many people as you were experiencing stress and grief. I guess that there were many like the mechanic in your example who received your kindness.

I am guessing that MS. CS recognized and cherished the wisdom and kindness you shared.

I am 65. One day I hope to grow up and be like Mr. Central Scruitinizer.

Let me use the only word I know that expresses how I honor your inner spirit:

Namaste

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

14. Thank you for this story.

I have come to think that my purpose in this life is to be kind to others. I try to do it in small ways. The other day at the grocery store a woman was in one of those electric cart/wheelchair and was struggling to put a case of soda into the basket. I said, "May I help you?" and she looked at me in utter astonishment. I think she was used to people looking at her and assuming she was at fault for being overweight and so they never helped her. Well, I don't care exactly why she needs to use the electric cart/wheelchair, but I could see she was having trouble with the case of soda. It took me all of six seconds to get the case and put it where she wanted.

I know, this does not compare to caring for a spouse with end stage cancer, but I tell myself that the small things also matter.

People have been kind to me. A couple of years ago, after my son died, I was wanting to print up the obituary I'd written. I went to one of the office stores, and needed to fiddle with the exact formatting. The clerk helping me must have been reading it as we went through several versions. I kept on saying I expected to pay for the wrong ones. When we got it right and he printed up the five copies I needed, he then said, "There's no charge for this." I went to my car and wept for five minutes. That simple act of kindness was incredible, and I have no words to express how much it mattered. It wasn't the money, because the cost was probably no more than a couple of dollars. It was that he figured out the obituary was for someone close to me, and he felt I shouldn't have to pay for it.

I try to pay it forward whenever I can.

[MLAA]

15. Thank you for the reminder and thank you for sharing. 🥰

[gademocrat7]

16. Condolences on the loss of your beloved wife.

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

[Danmel]

17. I'm very sorry to hear about your wife

It is very painful to watch someone you love suffer and feel helpless.
About 25 years ago we went to a local diner with our then 2 year old daughter and my husband's grandfather who had advanced Parkinson's and had difficulty eating.
Our waitress was very patient and kind with our toddler and helped my husband's grandfather with his food, assisted him without being condescending or t treating him like a cripple.
After we paid for our meal, I told the owner of the diner how wonderful and kind she was to us.
We were in the parking lot getting everyone into the car when she came running over to us, crying and thanked us because her boss had been ready to fire her (someone had complained) and what we said saved her job.
You never know when some kindness you extend can really make a difference for someone. It isn't hard, it doesn't cost anything. Just do it.

[locks]

18. Today is the birthday

of my dear daughter who died two years ago. I am happy that it is Dia de los Muertos and All Saints Day, the day we remember and celebrate the beloved ones no longer with us. We did not lose them; they live on in our hearts. I wish I could personally thank all the wonderful DU'ers and their comments she enjoyed every day.