My mom died last night.
She was the wind beneath my wings. She fought the psych system ,the school system to get me help for my illness. She came up every Saturday to see me all the years in the psych hospitals.
She never stopped caring.
She even helped me get part of my transition surgery done that has brought me peace inside.
She was my champion,my guardian
My advocate and she was so good to me through so much bad.
I am thankful to have had her by my side growing up.
I miss her so much,my whole body hurts today. One day when I was at her place before she moved to Virginia to live with her sister Loretta she suddenly one day got racked by a stroke. I caught it and I called the ambulance,and okayed the clot busting drugs that gave her the ability to be coherent
Fora little more time.
I saw her with my sisters taking the 8 hour drive to see her. She declined so fast in a short time she was dramatically changed in a few short months.
I will always be grateful to my sister as we saw her alive in December. Before she passed last night January 2nd..
This past August it was her 90th birthday My sisters and I took the long trip to Galax to celebrate. Mom was aware and engaged back than. We threw her a birthday bash. She was even featured in the local newspaper.
She had a great time, We took her outside in her wheelchair and celebrated she was so happy under the tree with her huge brimmed sun hat soaking up the sunshine and love.
Last time I saw her was this past December, She was so damaged by the aging process. All of it happened so fast it shattered my heart.
She began to have worse Parkinson's symptoms ,she struggled with it, She was diagnosed with Supra nuclear palsy.
It's a terrible uncommon neurological disease that causes her muscles to lock up and it interferes with swallowing and speech. She was basically locked inside her body wanting to talk but she couldn't..
Her muscles in her arms were locked in the mummy position with wrists crossed on her chest. Her hands looked like talons because of the locked muscles.
I was lucky to feed her breakfast one last time. Loretta told me she didn't let anyone feed her but me. After she ate I sat with her a long time,before we went back home the next morning.
I so miss her.
Mom,there are no words to say how much I love you. And I will love you forever.
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Deepest sympathy I_UndergroundPanther 
She stood by you and taught you well. When you are having trouble or doubt, just ask yourself, "What would Mom do?" She has given you everything you need to go forward.
No matter how long expected, the loss of a mother is a blow, the break of a link to our past. May your memories be a blessing.
Just know there are many of us here who share your pain. Many of us have had to walk down one or more of those paths too. So we have lots of pairs of shoulders for you to lean against.
So sorry for your loss. She sounds like a great lady and mother.
losing a parent, no matter how old we are. I am happy you got that last bit if time with her.
in this lovely tribute. I just know she loved you, too. My condolences. It's not at all easy, but it gets easier.
And a
for your mom. 
She loved you with all her heart, and that kind of love will never die.
for your loss, she lives in you.
You'll feel her with you at unexpected times, and you'll be comforted.
Remember that she will always be in your heart.
My dad died suddenly on a Friday night as well, many years ago. I hated Fridays for a long time. My mom died recently a couple of days before my birthday, and now I hate my birthday.
Hang in there...it doesn't ever leave you, but it does get better...the pain will become less sharp and the good memories will become more prominent. The first Christmas is the worst.
i'm sure you've heard this already but i'll still say it: "firsts" are always hard (first christmas, first new year's, first everything). and for many people (including me) the "seconds" still sucked. so did the "thirds" and "fourths" but not as much as the firsts and seconds.
this past holiday season (from halloween on) was the 11th year w/o my mom--and probably the first time i didn't cry or break down.
i remember i couldn't concentrate or focus either. i used to hear my mom's voice in my head telling me: "just go slow" and i'd slow down and take her advice. that seemed to help (even with goofy things like getting up from the kitchen chair so i wouldn't lose my balance or trip).
i remember getting some "bereavement" handouts from...? (a hospice worker? hospital social worker? who knows--someone gave me about ten pages stapled together) and my adult daughter would ask me if i'd read it yet (as if it would help, as if it could possibly take away my anguish). i couldn't. i couldn't read a damn thing about death & grief for about five months.(i couldn't read anything else either--i'd come on du and post in the bereavement group and that was about it.) i couldn't focus on what i was reading, couldn't follow it, and the small bit of what i did gleam from things pertaining to loss only made my pain worse.
eventually i did begin reading. i found my greatest comfort in what i lovingly refer to as "woo woo" books (about spirits and communicating across the divide--but that was always a part of my family's belief system). i also read a lot of "regular" books on grief. those seemed to help a bit too.
i saw an author on tv a few weeks ago and just got the book from the library the other day: "finding meaning; the sixth stage of grief" by david kessler. (he did some work years ago with elisabeth kubler-ross.) anyway, it's not really a "woo woo" book (i didn't think it would be) and it's pretty good. you might have a look at it...when you're ready. just a suggestion.
take care.
That was his birthday.
I think the holidays bring all that bittersweet stuff to the fore. Every year, we can’t help reassess and think back.
I’m glad we have a place like this where we can all huddle together against the cold, and help each other stay warm.
You were lucky to have her and she was lucky to have you. It so sadly all goes by so fast... 
longer to let you all say goodbye.
It may be a small consolation for your loss... but after a great loss like she must have been...even a small consolation is a blessing.
I wish for you some rest, to be able to face the next few days.
But I agree with Karadeniz. She'll always be there for you. Watch and listen for the signs. Sending you love and hugs and strength as you move through the the sadness. Stay strong. Stay encouraged. ❤
Sending you much sympathy and cyber hugs.
My mother died a year, 2 days ago.
You sound like a wonderful person, I'm sure she was very proud of you (( ))
for all our loved ones who've passed ...
For your mom
My best to you in a difficult time. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful, wonderful person. RIP.
May she rest in eternal peace.
I know she will live on forever in your memories and in your heart.
Peace and strength to you too, my friend, at this most difficult time.
I'm happy you had a wonderful mom though.
May you find some peace during this trying time.
you were both so fortunate to have each other in this lifetime
your parting of ways is only temporary. you will find each other again.
I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to be with her at the end.
memories sustain you in the days ahead.
I know how you feel. I lost my mother to cancer December 29 1997, I miss her everyday.
Wish you the best.
.. it just changes form. She will live on in your heart and soul, and will remain with you. I am very sorry for your loss.
I too had a wonderful mother and know we both were very fortunate.
Your tribute to her and the thoughts and memories you share with us here are wonderful gifts.
Sounds like she really was the wind beneath your wings. It’s gratifying to know you had a mother like that. She was exactly what you needed.
My condolences to you and your family. May she rest in peace.
Even after so many years, my heart just aches for mine.
Sending you love
Your mom sounds like she was a truly amazing person.
It feels like someone has ripped off your arm and left an empty hole. I know. I remember. It will take a couple of years to be yourself again. In the meantime, stay busy.
Nice to know though that you were so loved, isn’t it? We were lucky.
And that your mom would let you feed her. A sweet communication and memory you'll always have.
Sending sympathy and love your way.
I beg you consider bookmarking this post. When my parents passed away, The DU threads, full of kindness and love, helped make those days less difficult, and in the years that followed, were a great source of comfort.
These people are wonderful. Keep this thread, and their love will shine light on your heart when you need it.
My Mom passed 21 years ago, and if's any consolation, I can still hear her voice in my head like she was still sitting next to me. Such memories are indelible.
Holidays are always the worse.
I've lost everyone now except my younger brother. One thing that might help you, is to start a journal/book with everything Mom....all your memories of her from your earliest age, conversations, quirks, arguments, jokes, trips together. Most of it will make you smile.
Lost my mother 2 years ago!
My deepest condolences. I understand the overwhelming despair and physical heartache. I felt it when my mom died and then again when my husband passed. In time, I received a welcomed numbness, then after many years, acceptance. The pain never really goes away, but I dream of both of them often and the dreams are so realistic and comforting, it helps a great deal.
Much love and peace to you.
