Federal Reserve Funds $1.5 Trillion In Universal Bank Care
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In bold, decisive action this week, the Federal Reserve Bank authorized the injection of $1.5 trillion into the financial sector of the economy as part of the United States’ longstanding universal bank care program. President Trump signalled he was pleased with the decision, calling it “the kind of socialism rich folks can get behind.” Trump praised the Fed, who he has often lambasted for not cutting interest rates enough to his liking, for “taking care of the important people first and foremost.”
“I just think of all the testing kits and medicine we could afford with a trillion and a half bucks,” Trump told reporters from an Oval Office quarantine due to coronavirus concerns, “and I’m so glad we dumped it into the pockets of people who already have more than enough money. Imagine the kind of country we’d live in if we didn’t take care of the banks and the rich people who owned them! I shudder to think, really.”
The market’s reaction to the threat of a major pandemic outbreak of the novel coronavirus in the U.S. has been breathtaking, to say the least. All the stock exchanges saw multiple days of absolutely staggering losses beginning roughly two weeks ago. On Wednesday of this week, the Dow Jones suffered its largest single day slide since Black Monday, a day in 1987 that saw one of the worst crashes since the the Great Depression. The trillion and a half dollars in liquidity that the Fed just gave the banking industry is meant to help stave off any further lasting or lingering effects on the financial sector.
“Well, I think this is a bigly good thing, really. It’s like our socialist welfare program for the farmers,” Trump explained. “Yes, for years Republicans have argued we can’t afford big welfare programs because of how much they cost, but as far as I know, none of those programs involve Bank of America or Chase executives’ vacation properties. So I think the Fed did the right thing in making sure that the guys in the suits, you know, the real American wage earners, that they’re well taken care of and feel secure.”
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