Seeking advice: finally getting ready to cut loose

[cilla4progress]

a trumper friend.

We share one hobby: trail riding on our horses.

This morning she posted on FB something describing drumpf as god-fearing.

I have maintained all along that I would not succumb to division over politics. I believe she knows mine, and it NEVER COMES UP in conversation. If it ever does, one time, and I'm out. I will let her know it is a cult and his supporters are a danger to America, and are cultists.

Thoughts? Talk me down?

[Mister Ed]

1. I'd tell her that if anyone has reason to fear God, it's Trump.

Sucks to be him on Judgement Day.

[liberalla]

15. Use this cilla, it's great!! Seriously!

Not your complete message, but to deal with the god-fearing comment!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. This, definitely.

If you believe in God you might argue that Trump doesn't fear him nearly enough.

[Progressive Jones]

23. The entire concept of "god fearing" is hilarious to me. nt

[Aristus]

33. Yeah, it usually burbles forth from the same people who insist that you have to have

a "close, personal relationship with your Lord and Savior."

So which is it? Fear? Or close-and-personal?...

[MLAA]

2. Here's my opinion for what it's worth

Would you trail ride and avoid politics with Trump himself? I expect the answer is no effing way. Then why would you do so with someone who enabled him?

[ibegurpard]

3. It's up to you but

Remember that by maintaining this relationship you are not holding someone accountable who actually supports putting people in power who seek to HARM others. Those who say you cannot put politics above relationships are, in my opinion, coming from a position of extreme privilege where they are not on the front lines of these extreme policy positions and severely downplay the actual effect that politics have on our daily lives.

[The Wielding Truth]

4. I've had a friendship for over thirty years that I threatened to stop if they comtinued their praise

of Trump and they backed off any jokingly reversed their position so I wouldn't really know how they truly felt. I am sick of the Jonestown worship of this mob boss liar.

Just had a phone call from them which I did not answer.

I don't think that's too helpful but you know you aren't the only one in a spot between friendship and integrity.

[handmade34]

5. politics IS life itself

everything we do... the air we breathe, the food we eat, the laws we live by, our safety, how those around us are treated, etc. is ALL Politics... I could never tolerate abiding someone who supported trump... but hey, that's me and I feel really, really passionately about the life I live and how those around me are treated

[Rorey]

12. Right there with you

That's the way I feel too.

Who/what someone supports means something. It matters.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

6. You can unfollow without unfriending (or unfriend her if you don't feel like you want to do that)

Meaning that you can't see her posts and you can just maintain your mutual love of riding horses. Just set some IRL boundaries not to discuss politics and maybe the friendship can be salvaged if you can just keep it focused on that. If she insists on throwing it in your face, I'd just cut things off. Nobody's mental health is worth it. I have a seemingly opposite problem on my FB. I have lots of Trans friends and friends that are into Star Wars on FB and, while they're not Trumpers, are left-wing anarchists whom basically hate any politician who isn't Bernie and I have had to start unfollowing some of their pages recently just to avoid wanting to argue with them. If it's an occasional take I don't like, I just scroll on or hide but if I can enjoy other non-political things or talk about other things with them, I'll just try to keep conversations focused on those things and avoid the politics. You just have to balance your mental health with your desire to actually remain friends on social media with some people. Some people are worth it and some people aren't. It's just up to you to decide really. I also create lists on FB of people to discuss certain things like politics with only people I know aren't too far away from me politically, which helps cut down on the drama. Hope that helps.

[UTUSN]

7. There are more horses elsewhere.

That said, when somebody subscribes to a bad world view, there's no fixing it.

[MissB]

8. Just block her for 30 days.

You won’t see her feed.

I’d consider keeping Facebook and hobby folks separate. If she’s otherwise a friend, just do the 30 day block.

I have a couple of people that I do that with - really old friends, connected on Facebook and sometimes their support for Republicans makes me shudder. I block them for 30 days and then renew the block or not depending on what they are posting at that point.

You won’t see them in your news feed.

[easttexaslefty]

9. They are a cult

I cut all mine out

[Rorey]

10. My regrets about cutting some Magats out of my life are as follows:

[SWBTATTReg]

11. I have a trumper friend of mine (a doctor of all people) who asked me what I thought of rump,

and of course I told him that it was none of his business (it really isn't) and that I was too nice to really say what I thought of rump. He kept persisting and asking, so I finally relented, and told him what I truly thought of rump.

To his credit he admitted that he liked the 2017 tax cut bill, but more importantly, he actually agreed w/ me that the idiot needs to shut his damn mouth, and get to work as a president should, instead of spending time watching the stupid tv and tweeting.

So maybe your friend, on FB, expressed her feelings, she more than likely knows that you know she has a FB presence, you do have the right to defend yourself. I'd be curious if she got any negative feedback from the FB world when she posted that idiotic comment that dump as 'god fearing'? rump doesn't even know that there is a 'god' anyways.

[cilla4progress]

13. Yes...it's my husband FB and I'm strictly forbidden

from engaging in politics there (though " liking" a pro-Biden post there this morning received his approval!).

I can avoid discussing it with her...it's just KNOWING where she stands.

We have a really good neighbor who is likewise a trumper. It's red where I live. At least I don't have to socialize with him.

I hate to be too much of a purist. Tends not to end well, if all we see is what divides - rather than unites - us.

[lettucebe]

14. Anyone that says "Happy Good Friday" is not a believer. Period

[liberalla]

17. Can't you find other people to trail ride with?

[cilla4progress]

22. No...they've all

aged out!

4 of us ride together, including my husband. We are "the remnants" of a 50 year+ trail riding group. The 4th is an R, but smarter, so I doubt she supports drumpf - I'm afraid to find out!

Anyway there does seem to be an unfortunate correlation in the horse world with right wing politics!

[Atticus]

18. I have disowned any former friends who support Trump. I refuse to associate with anyone

for any purpose who condones Trump's insanity.

The few relatives who are Trumpies are seen only at funerals and get only a "Yeah, I see your sorry ass!" nod. It feels "clean".

[TreasonousBastard]

19. That's it? A Facebook post? If you two get along on the horse trails, why let...

politics interfere?

Just avoid the topic in person. I know several Trumpers that I get along with fine in other ways. We just make sure the topic never comes up. Or try to.

It's easy to say in a safe space that all Trumpists are the scum of the earth and would be better off dead, but real life isn't so easy.

[cilla4progress]

26. Thanks

yeah, this has been my MO for the past 3+ years, but now? It's all too much! Evidence is rampant that his cult threatens our life and safety. Anyone who is still hanging on and doubling down to me is sickening.

She also posted a drone photo of Gov. Inslee‘s home to encourage a protest there about the stay home order. Idiot. She works in local government! Solid waste! Metaphor there...

[TreasonousBastard]

40. Got it. Sometimes it does get to be too much.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

20. What's your goal?

[cilla4progress]

27. Excellent question.

Guess I'm lacking clarity, is why I put it out there for your ideas.

I'll cogitate on that one.

[essaynnc]

21. God Fearing????

I do not understand how any of tRumps life choices, decisions, or morality could be considered "God Fearing" even a little tiny bit.

We all know his list of accomplishments (or lack thereof) and attitudes (a narcissistic egotist), which ones is she talking about? I think Jesus said something about Pharisees, Sadducee, rotting sepulchers, and being known by their works. Which works are those that she's referring to? Letting people die? Perhaps protecting the unborn fetuses or killing "the gays"?

I realize that this would be a lot to get into with her, but....SHE STARTED IT!

[3Hotdogs]

24. If you have an agreement to not discuss politics and she adheres to that,

I believe she is acting fairly.

I would not abandon a friend based on social posts. But that's me.

I have a friend and my uncle who are Trumpazoids. We just agreed not to discuss it. I told them, this is N.J. Given the political makeup of the state, whoever the dems nominate, will win. So it doesn't matter what you think or how you vote. So lets just drop it.

Things have been fine, ever since.

[cilla4progress]

29. Believe it or not -

not one word, so, no express agreement, per se.

Just how we've operated. She keeps pestering us to go for a socially distant ride during quarantine. What are the odds some aspect of politics doesn't come up? I want to have my response ready. Someting like, "I am choosing not to respond because my response would be very offensive and hurtful to you."?

Can't wait to erect my giant Joe for Pres sign, though!

[Submariner]

25. Just shoot her a couple of pictures and say "Yeah, I noticed"

[totodeinhere]

28. I try to keep politics out of my relationships with other people.

I have always felt that they are entitled to their opinions as much as I am entitled to mine. While I do have strong opinions, I do realize that the world does not revolve around me. So I live and let live.

[cilla4progress]

34. Thanks for your

thoughtful reply!

[Drahthaardogs]

30. Post a Dunning Kruger Effect Video

And let it talk for you

[TreadSoftly]

31. In the same boat (or horse trailer)

Got similar here. Friends for 20 years, but now we work together, voluntarily. I still really like her. When politics comes up, I mildly say let's put that aside. Seems to work. I want to demonstrate that we Democrats are interested in working together in future, so building trust is a good thing when this nightmare is over. We remain respectful and good friends.

On the other hand, there are the trail rides. Who do the horses look up to as the herd leader? If she or her horse, you might consider getting another partner if you do not trust her judgement. Horses and trail rides can create dangerous situations and "relying on G-d" or politicians is not helpful!

[morillon]

32. Each person has their own way of dealing with this stuff, but...

I'm cutting people loose.

What finally broke it for me was realizing that continuing to maintain a relationship with these people was allowing them to think, "Well, she still talks to me, so I must've not gone too far yet." I was enabling them.

I think not disavowing Trump by now -- with all that we know, with people dying unnecessarily due to his sheer negligence -- is such a profound moral failing that I not only CAN cut them loose, but MUST. Staying shackled to them was poisoning me.

There's an argument to be made that people should still stay connected, we shouldn't let politics tear us apart, etc. I get it. But to me, this isn't just politics. It's life and death now, and they're choosing to continue supporting someone whose policies and actions are quite literally killing people.

I feel a sense of regret that I was too lazy or cowardly to deliver milder social consequences in the past, so that they could have a chance to change course before things got so bad. My failure there means only tougher measures are left to me.

[cilla4progress]

35. Interesting.

Thank you!

Maybe I can start by modifying our friendship, downsizing it, as it were.

I must say, I was tickled when her son started dating a Latina here last year. Needless to say, she's quite racist! And longtime pot smoker pre-legal weed.

Go figure. She's always been a bit of a trainwreck. Kids, too.

[Laelth]

36. Let it go. Win gracefully.

Let her come around in her own time.

That's my gut--for what it's worth.



-Laelth

[randr]

37. Very appropriate

Leave the door open if she comes to her senses

[Hortensis]

38. Agree with keeping the connection. You've come this far

through the worst of it when she was so happy at how well things were going.

If people like her are now especially angry and acting out, is that so surprising? She's been encouraged by bad leaders to become a very bad version of her political self, and now not just her leader but her self image and belief system are under severe attack.

The worst of this should eventually pass. If it does, in future having you for a friend may well help her become the person she was supposed to be. She knows how to behave to be accepted. Step by step? Service to your country?

[cilla4progress]

39. You guys are great.

Thanks for all the diverse and helpful views!!

[KY_EnviroGuy]

41. Historians please correct me if I'm wrong but seems I've read numerous reports....

that most of the world's most ruthless and brutal dictators, criminals, war lords and autocrats claimed to be god-fearing or at least religious to some degree. If so, that certainly would neuter the value of any statement of that nature by any person that tries to rule with an iron fist and most certainly by those like Trump that have a criminal, mob-boss style history.

If one accepts the most basic historical tenants of Christianity, then humility jumps right out as a foundation stone and tRump has absolutely zero humility in his character.

Beyond that, if you desire to maintain the friendship you may need to make it clear that you want no discussion of politics in any form or fashion while you're together as a group because of the known corrosive effects on healthy relationships and that you don't want to worsen the already horrible divisions in our society.

KY..........

[zackymilly]

42. Tell her to ride off into the sunset, pardner. n/t

[lillypaddle]

43. No attempt to talk you down. Fucking DO it.

Someone who STILL supports trump is a fucking moron, and you don't need her in your life.

And so you know, I have kicked my own sister, who is a fucking moron, to the curb. I've had it with these people. They have destroyed our country.

[LuckyCharms]

44. Cut her loose, explain why, and move on.

I've cut so many people out of my life over this issue that I've lost count.

However, you may think differently than I do. You may feel that she has good traits that override this issue. If that's the case, then I would put more thought into my decision.

Personally however, I attempt to have no relationships at all with Trumpers.

Make the decision that feels right to you, and best of luck whatever you decide.