What the heck would a Republican apology sound like anyhow? Anyone ever heard one?

[Generic Other]

Sounds like Nixon gave a halfhearted one...

"Some people say I didn't handle it properly and they're right. I screwed it up. Mea culpa. But let's get on to my achievements. You'll be here in the year 2000 and we'll see how I'm regarded then."

Mitt Romney’s campaign autobiography:

No Apology: The Case for American Greatness.

A Republican apology machine:
http://www.dccc.org/content/sorry

Things they should apologize for but haven't:

Lying our way into Iraq because of nonexistent “weapons of mass destruction”
Mishandling two wars into bloody quagmires
Presiding over the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil in our history
Guantánamo Bay
Extraordinary rendition
The Patriot Act
Helping bring the world financial system to its knees
Wiping out the Clinton surplus and running up record budget deficits
Leaving millions of homeowners underwater
Deep-sixing the American economy
Deregulating every industry in sight
Doing nothing about global warming, except to hasten it

http://harpers.org/archive/2012/08/hbc-90008806

What they flat out refuse to apologize for:

Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus told CBN chief political correspondent David Brody that the Republican Party will not apologize for being a solid pro-life party. (Christian Coalition website I won't bother linking to)...

Seems Democrats do most of the apologizing. My favorite:

California Democratic Party Chair John Burton issued this statement:
“To correct press reports of my recent comments about Republican lies, I did not call Republicans Nazis nor would I ever. In fact, I didn’t even use the word.
“If Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, or the Republicans are insulted by my describing their campaign tactic as the big lie – I most humbly apologize to them or anyone who might have been offended by that comment.”

http://blog.sfgate.com/nov05election/2012/09/03/ca-dem-chair-john-burton-compares-gop-to-nazi-goebbels-for-telling-the-big-lie-video/

Oh I see Karl Rove apologized to someone:

GOP strategist Karl Rove reportedly apologized to Rep. Todd Akin for making a joke suggesting the Missouri Senate candidate should be killed.

Ah an actual sincere (?) apology (took forever to find too):

A county Republican Party chairman in Vermont apologized Monday afternoon for a racist statement that had appeared on the county GOP's Facebook page.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/rutland-county-republicans-facebook-joke_n_1677453.html

[phantom power]

1. there was that guy who apologized for making Cheney shoot him in the face

[Generic Other]

4. "he's still waiting for Dick Cheney to say he's sorry"

Despite his scars, Whittington bears no ill will toward Cheney. He calls him "a very capable and honorable man" and adds, "He's said some very kind things to me."

But did Cheney ever say in private what he didn't say in public? Did he ever apologize?

Whittington, who has been talking about his life and career for hours, suddenly draws silent.

"I'm not going to go into that," he says sharply after a short pause.

Harry Whittington is too gracious to say it out loud, but he doesn't dispute the notion, either.

Nearly five years on, he's still waiting for Dick Cheney to say he's sorry.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2010/10/14/130566386/cheney-didn-t-apologize-to-man-he-shot

[Bluenorthwest]

2. Republicans don't apologize, they just claim to be Independents for a while...

or that's how the regular street level dealers in Republicanism operate.

[DefenseLawyer]

3. "I'm sorry that you found my remarks offensive"

The non-apology apology is the closest they ever get, and that's only when they have no other options.

[Generic Other]

7. Like Akin's apology...pretty tepid stuff

"I used the wrong words in the wrong way, and for that I apologize," Akin said.

[fleur-de-lisa]

5. Jimmy Swaggart sobbing in front of his congregation

after being caught with a prostitute . . . 'I have sinned' . . . They usually only apologize when, and if, they get caught. What a disgrace!

[Generic Other]

9. I suppose he was a Republican

I thought he was Ass of God.

But the tearful "I have sinned..." approach is good. A bit like the TEPCO CEO in Fukushima bowing with his head touching the floor.

That's what I am talking! A for-real groveling apology!!

[FightForMichigan]

6. "Mistakes were made."

[Flashmann]

8. Republican apology sound like

Much like this,I suspect:

I'm sorry you caught on that I A:Am an asshat B:Am a liar and a thief. C:Sold my soul to the highest bidder. D:Am a spineless,warmongering,hypocritical piece of shit.E:Will consistently make the worst possible choice for the country,while screeching my patriotism.....

[Generic Other]

11. An alphabet list of regrets is NOT an apology!!!!

I think you have uncovered the true words they mutter under their breaths!

[randome]

10. It would sound like the angel Gabriel's horn.

And the world would fold in on itself and disappear.

[Generic Other]

12. Oh. My. God.

That is too too funny!

[fredamae]

13. GOP Apology goes like this

"Sorry 'bout that-But If You didn't do wha'cha done, I wouldn'ta had to do what I did"

[Generic Other]

14. The "you asked for it" apology?

They use that one a lot with women.

[fredamae]

15. Yep! Blame the victim. n/t

[lunatica]

16. "I'm sorry if you misunderstood..."

[Sophiegirl]

17. More like..

Damn, I'm sorry someone overheard me saying that! WHAT? Your telling me it was a press conference???

[Generic Other]

20. Oh yeah major league assholes with open mics aren't they?

hahaha

[ladjf]

18. Since the Republicans are certain that they are always right, there is no need for appoligies.

nt

[librechik]

19. "I'm sorry you assholes are so weak and unAmerican as to be offended by my sensible comments."

they sound sorta like that.

[RepublicansRZombies]

23. they would sound exactly like that!

n/t

[reflection]

21. I heard Bush apologize under duress

for the Chinese pilot who got killed when they captured our spy plane.

It sounded like he'd been made to pick his own switch off the tree and been swatted with it 100 times. Of course, this was after he sent in warships to demand the spy plane back and China reacted by laughing in his face. Then they sent it home in about 20 million Ziploc bags.

[RepublicansRZombies]

22. Do they really think God will forgive them for lying to cause the deaths of millions of innocents

They have stolen our treasury to give to the greedy and want to kill the needy....who ARE these 'people'

Whether or not these people ever apologize, I highly doubt that their God will forgive their greed, lies and murderous ways just cause they say 'oh sorry' on their death bed.

I don't actually think any one of them actually believes in an afterlife or they would seriously be rethinking their approach to politics.

I really don't think any form of apology can make up for the damage they have done. They are responsible for the deaths of millions and making miserable the lives of millions more. The depleted uranium that they left all over Iraq and elsewhere is causing the most heinous birth defects imaginable.

I don't think they can apologize because that would mean they had to look at themselves, and they would be in for a horrible surprise.

[Ikonoklast]

24. "Stop running your face into my fist!"

[Generic Other]

28. Wicked GOP

That sounds about right!!

[ThomThom]

25. "I'm not a crook"

[phasma ex machina]

26. Crickets. It sounds a lot like crickets. nt

[DCBob]

27. I am sorry you are an evil liberal...

but maybe some day you will repent and stop thinking and become a conservative.