My heart is breaking so bad right now, I just can't take anymore.

[William769]

My 90-Year-old Mother-in-law has been in a nursing home four years it was hard for her to go in, but she still has mobility and her mind. She has endured the last two months with stride with me going to the window & sitting with her.

Inside they were able to move around go listen to music, play bingo, visit with friends & go to the dining hall.

Well as of today, even that's all gone. All residents have been confined to thier rooms with all doors closed until further notice. Personal coming into the rooms all decked out in contamination wear, Gowns, masks, gloves & plastic face shields.

I have been on the phone the past hour trying to console her and I just can't get her to stop crying.

And she keeps saying to me I see on the TV where they are opening stuff up and they are treating us like prisoners.

I am going to have to cry myself to sleep tonight.

[Rae]

1. OMG, that's horrible!

Could she possibly live with you or other family until this is over? You said she's mobile, so is that a possibility?

[William769]

4. I have no authority to do anything

Her son, my life partner passed away in 2006. I have no legal standing.

[Rae]

13. I am so sorry.

I thank God every day my 85 year old mom has her own apartment and lives 5 minutes from me and my sister.

[SheltieLover]

14. Can she demand to live with you?

This is beyond awful!

[Crunchy Frog]

26. Does she have legal standing to make decisions for herself?

If she's still of sound mind, she should be able to make her own choices.

[lostnfound]

41. Somebody does?

I’m sorry you lost your partner.

[Frustratedlady]

2. Been in that situation prior to this pandemic and it is depressing.

Even though the home is nice and the people are helpful, it is much different than being in your own home. She will probably get used to it, but it still stings. Talking it out should help, but you have to remember all decisions are being made for her and she doesn't feel like she has any control anymore.

Good luck with your communication. It isn't easy, for sure.

[Newest Reality]

3. Awww.

I am so sorry. That is terrible. I hope it gets better.

Hang in there and do let the tears flow if you feel bad.

[hlthe2b]

5. I am so sorry. To have all ones faculties intact and living like that has to be so hard...

I know they are trying to do the best by all the residents but this is just tragic. Do you have any way to facetime or skype with her?

[William769]

9. Yes they are doing what's best for the residents but explaining that to her is the problem.

Not to my knowledge but I will call tomorrow & ask.

Thanks for that tip.

[handmade34]

6. I am so sorry

[smirkymonkey]

7. So sorry to hear that William. It must be very painful.

Talk about it as much as you can and, if you are so inclined, get your thoughts down on paper. It will give you some relief instead of keeping it all bottled up. I hope things improve for you and your mom.

[bluestarone]

8. So SAD for you and your family!

I know the helpless feeling you have! Please hang in there!!

[pnwest]

10. Oh no! Please take heart! My mother's facility has been

doing that for two weeks, and they’ve been SO great about going in everyone’s rooms entertaining then multiple times a day, offering to help us FaceTime as often as we want, doing their absolute best to keep everyone from being lonely. And the measures are working, there’s been a few cases of Covid, but they’ve worked hard to keep the spread down. It seems awful, but they’re working hard to make it as good as it can be. If it keeps her safe and healthy it will be worth it. Don’t cry, try to think of the trade off - her continued health.

[William769]

12. Sorry but I believe you missed my post completely.

[tanyev]

11. I'm so sorry.

Mom died in 2018 and spent the last few months in a nursing home. Hardly a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about how hard it would have been for her to go through this without any visitors or confined to her room.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

20. I know. It's a very very bad time to be very ill or elderly

[sheshe2]

15. Love to you and your MIL.

Breaks my heart Bill, she is aware and knows exactly what is going on. This makes it harder for her.

We are lucky mom is here with us, hard work...yet she is here.

[William769]

17. Thank you my dear.

Your soothing words always seem to help.

[madaboutharry]

16. I am so sorry.

All you can do is tell her every day how much you love her.

[alwaysinasnit]

18. FWIW

[Karadeniz]

19. You were communicating with her through a window. Can they move her to a room where you

Can place a chair outside her window? If they have a heart, they should try to accommodate. I'm sorry this has happened.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

21. I am sure it is very scary for her...but it is actually the safest approach. The opposite is that

They are careless. So maybe dwelling on that might help?

What's seen on TV and what's happening all around us is absurd. And it is criminal negligence from the top down.

Went to look up those CDC guidelines for reopening America...NADA. then I read that trump fucking trashed the guidelines. WTF. This is murder to me.

[mcar]

22. My SIL's father died last night of Covid

He had Parkinson's and was deteriorating. Covid has swept through the nursing home in the last week or so.

He was a lovely man and his family couldn't be with him when he died.

Bill, I am so sorry for what your MIL is going through. It is all so cruel.

[William769]

23. & my thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.

[mcar]

25. Thank you

I feel for my SIL and her family, and my niece and nephew. They all knew it was coming but the isolation... well, you know.

[True Blue American]

50. My thoughts are with you,mcar

Parkinson’s is a terrible disease. My DIL’s Father died from it. A successful,kind,loving man.

I feel for your family.

[mcar]

56. It is a terrible disease

He was quite a vigorous man, a retired small town police chief, very healthy. The toll Parkinson's took on him was just awful to watch.

[brer cat]

51. It is so sad when our loved ones die alone.

Thinking of you and your family.

[sheshe2]

57. I am so sorry for your families loss, mcar.

Love and hugs to you and yours.

[jmbar2]

24. What a blessing that she has you in her life.

{{{hugs}}} to you for your loving kindness, and sadness. I hope that a better solution can emerge soon.

[applegrove]

27. The executives are being extra safe. Better

a nursing home with vigilant policies during a coronavirus than not. As hard as it is, tell your mother-in-law the nursing home is doing it so she will be safe. That you love her. That you will talk to her on the phone for hours a day. My dad has been in lockdown meals in his room since they had 3 staff members test positive. Thankfully he tested negative. He is also somewhat oblivious. They tested the whole building. Think of all residents going down the elevator with staff to go to a window to wave to family. If your building has 180 people that is 400 people in the elevators in a few days. They think elevators are one of the main reasons NYCity got coronavirus so big. COVID-19 tiniest droplets stay suspended in the elevator air for more than a few minutes. And anybody who gets on is in that cloud of coronavirus. Cry with your mother-in-law and let out your fear and frustration. But she is luckier than most. She has you.

[William769]

28. Luckily, she is in a single-story building with four wings.

She is in a good nursing home (no covid-19 there yet as far as we know). The news is what's making it hard for me to explain things to her, but I try.

Thank you for your sweet words.

[applegrove]

33. I wish you all well. I know how hard it is to not be near your lived one in these times. nt

[warmfeet]

29. My mother-in-law is in a very similar situation.

She is in a long term care facility that has been in lock down since late March. We are not allowed to visit her and the residents are not allowed to interact in person. She has good days, she has bad days. We are allowed to drive by her window and wave. We can call her and talk to her. This will be a defining time in the next century. We have no choice but to endure the best we can. The meaning of "the best we can" has changed a great deal.

I am sorry for those who are suffering.

[pnwmom]

30. I am so sorry, William! I've thought so many times of how terrible

this would have been for my mom, who had moderate dementia and spent some time in a nursing home. It was a good place and she was happy there, but that was because she stayed connected with our family, and she eventually died surrounded by family. She would have been fighting a separation like this tooth and nail.

I KNOW this isn't a substitute for human contact, but is there any chance of getting an iPad to her, so she could have FaceTime conversations with you and other family members?

[cp]

31. Sending love

[mopinko]

32. cry with her. that's all we got at this point.

but it sure aint nuthin.

[Resist160]

34. My husband is going throught the same thing.

I know what you are going through. My husband's brother is in assisted living & he has been confined for 2 weeks now. The facility serves him his meals in his room. He could walk out in the hall but no one else can be around. When the weather is nice they come & ask him if he wants to go for a walk around the building. They take his temperature daily. My husband said he can see him brother going down hill.

[DemoTex]

35. Same at my 97 y/o mother-in-law's facility.

And a 97 year old friend of hers died yesterday .. from COVID-19.

[murielm99]

36. I am so sorry, William.

I wish there was something I could do. We are all so helpless now. The heartless monsters running our country has brought this on all our families.

[greatauntoftriplets]

37. OMG, I am so sorry to heat that.

And, of course, they can't tell her (or you) when these extreme restrictions are likely to be lifted. Have they said that there is Covid 19 in the nursing home? Good for you for going to visit through the window. It certainly helps both of you get through this.

[nitpicker]

38. I know someone living with their mother

And working to keep the mom housebound.

The issue is:

Available data from state websites (depending on how they choose to present the data, not all separate the 80+ or 85+ people out from the 65-79 group) suggest that if those much older people get noticeable CV, roughly half of them go into hospital and half of those don't make it out alive. The range of data publicly available suggests for those reported as having CV, the death rate could be as low as 10% or as high as 30% plus. ((Someone is going to have to analyse UT data to determine if doctors were determined to blame comorbid conditions for deaths, or if it genuinely shows the effects of most eschewing ABC ((alcohol, baccy and caffeine)) and/or having lots of family to take care of the elderly so they aren't in group care settings.))

Of course, it COULD be that a lot more CV, even in this population, is being thought of as a "Really Bad Bug", but I wouldn't count on it.

[Cha]

39. I'm so Sorry for what you and your family are going

through, Bill!

And, all the other families

[TygrBright]

40. My 90-YO Mom is going through this, too.

And she's got memory issues, so it's a fresh pain every day.

She's so far away and there's so little I can do.

brokenheartedly,
Bright

[Ms. Toad]

42. Can you set her up with facetime, or zoom?

My 93 year old aunt is in a similar situation, any my spouse (and lots of other nieces and nephews) chat with her on facetime daily. It's not the same, but generally better than phone.

(It's pretty late in the game - but they really do need to minimize contact. My 88 year old parents have been on lockdown since the first week of March. The best you can do is try to minimize the social impact.)

[marlakay]

43. My mom has been mostly confined to her apt

For almost 2 months in her senior home. She is 92. We my two daughters and I do FB video chat every Sunday morning where we all do yoga together and mom just moves her arms and watches us then we have long chat.

I text her all week. She plays scrabble online a bunch of games with lots of relatives.

Her birthday was a few days ago. My older daughter is the one that lives closest to her 45 min, I am out of state. She wanted to visit but they haven't been allowing for last 2 months. So we put money together and got her beautiful flowers, chocolates and balloons. Her granddaughter n law sent her more flowers and a bear. Then they let my daughter visit with mask and taking her fever. Made my moms day!

My mom is on third floor so we couldn't go outside window. But she does have tiny balcony and can at least sit outside.

[pwb]

44. Satan himself is behind this.

Dying alone with love kept out is as cruel as it gets and that is how we are dying.

[DarthDem]

45. Oh, I Am So Very Sorry

I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and her.

[spooky3]

46. So sorry. My father has been essentially locked in his apartment for 6 weeks. It is very

hard for residents. But we have set him up on Zoom (as Ms. Toad suggested). Your MIL may be able to learn how to do this if you give her a set of steps to follow, and it really does help for them to be able to see family members and friends. It's no substitute for all of the activities' and social contacts' being restricted, but it is better than nothing.

Fortunately, relatives who live in the same town are taking him groceries and helping him in other ways - they aren't allowed to go in. Groceries have to be dropped off near the reception desk.

It's not only lonely for them, it is scary.

Despite these restrictions, a number of residents have come down with COVID, sadly. I'm sure that these restrictions have kept it from being even worse.

I hope that soon restrictions will be eased for her.

She is lucky to have a caring son-in-law.

[uppityperson]

48. That is heartbreaking and frightening

They are trying to keep her safe as the coronavirus must be in the facility. She'll be much safer than those going out in public without precautions. I know you know all this, hugs and love to you and your mom.

[True Blue American]

49. We have the same situation

In my family. My DIL’s Mother is in the same situation. She is 96, but over the years we have become really good friends. Have traveled together, always having big family get togethers at my Son and DIL’s House. It is so hard on all of us. Had a big party for her at the Retirement Center Clubhouse last year.

Now she is totally isolated.

My heart hurts for you but know they are keeping her safe.

[brer cat]

52. I'm so sorry, Bill.

For her to be cut off from all interaction with people must be devastating, and frightening to only see people in contamination gear.

Please take care of yourself and do what you can to comfort your MIL.

[AirmensMom]

53. I'm so sorry.

I wish I could heal your broken heart. And hers. OMG, to be in that situation ...

[Wawannabe]

54. ...

[Rene]

55. my son's mother in law..has just died in nursing home

She never had the virus....they don't have a single case of patient or staff having Covid19.
She died in confusion.....refusing to eat....because of the lack of visitors these last 4-5 weeks. She was all alone and noone could go in to see her. She refused to eat and has now passed away. and we cannot have any type of service.
These are the saddest days. She'd been a somewhat healthy 96 year old.
I'm so glad we had a wonderful Birthday Party for her three months ago... She was beaming, smiling all day long,...seeing all her family and friends at her daughter's home.

Rosemary is now with her Jim, in Heaven. Our Irish Lad and Lassie.

Her beaming smile lit up the room.

[Sophiegirl]

58. I'm so very sorry.

Your situation is heartbreaking.