No, this is not an Olive Garden joke.

[LuckyCharms]

Going from memory here, there were 3 alerts on my phone today. Not verbatim, but something like this:

1) If you dined at the Olive Garden on xx/xx/xx between the hours of xx:xx and xx:xx, please be advised that you should self-quarantine for 14 days due to a person testing positive.

2) If you attended Mass at xxxx Church on xxxx Street on xx/xx/xx (TWO Sundays ago!), be advised that you should self-quarantine for 14 days due to several people testing positive.

3) If you attended the large wedding this past weekend at xxxx Gardens, please be advised that you should self quarantine for 14 days due to several attendees testing positive.

Dumb fucks.

[TexasTowelie]

1. My brother received one of those "alleged" contract tracing messages

indicating that he may have been exposed to COVID-19 and that he has a small wiener.

My brother has been gazing at the Vienna sausages with a look of admiration...

[LuckyCharms]

2. These were alerts from my local CBS affiliate.

Sorry about your brother.

[TexasTowelie]

6. I'm eternally grateful

that it wasn't a hereditary condition from my father.

[LuckyCharms]

7. Size doesn't matter...

oh wait...

Yes it does.

[BamaRefugee]

3. How did you get the alerts? From government, or you have an app or what? Is it legit?

[LuckyCharms]

4. Local CBS TV affiliate.

I have their app. They send alerts for weather situations or anything newsworthy. If you follow the alert, you go to their website, which has more details on the story.

[JHB]

5. If you bombed the moon on xx/xx/xx between the hours of xx:xx and xx:xx...

...please be advised that you should self-quarantine for 14 days due to impending thread insanity.