Help! I Can't Believe My Son's Friend Fed Him Indian Food Without Calling Me First.

[brooklynite]

Slate

(Dear Prudie column)

Q. Inappropriate food: My son, “Chris,” is 9. A few weeks ago, we decided to open our bubble to include the family of “Neil,” Chris’s best friend. Both of Neil’s parents are doctors, so this seemed like a safe decision. Both parents were born and raised in India. We let Chris have dinner at their place the other night since both boys were having a great time together. When we came to pick up Chris, Neil’s mom recounted to me how much chicken curry and lentils and vegetables Chris ate. I couldn’t believe that they served my son spicy curries without even calling to ask us if that would be OK! I was taken aback and gently mentioned that spicy foods can be hard on small tummies, but it didn’t seem to register. Thankfully Chris didn’t get sick. My wife says to drop it because any conversation will look racial in nature and to only let the boys play at our place. Please help.


A: At the risk of taking the bait, you must realize that millions of people (presumably both of Neil’s parents, not to mention Neil himself) regularly eat lentils and vegetables as children in perfect safety. There’s something so grotesque about the infantilizing language of “gently informing someone”—especially when that someone is “two doctors”—about “small tummies,” coupled with the racist horror that your 9-year-old ate and enjoyed a few servings of chicken curry, one of the world’s most popular and adaptable dishes. Not all curries are spicy, and not all spices pack heat; your son ate a meal he enjoyed (one you didn’t have to prepare or clean up after ) and continued to enjoy good health for the rest of the evening. Neil’s parents didn’t take him to a ghost pepper festival and turn him loose. Your kid was not endangered by chicken curry, and your problem is not one that Neil’s parents can fix for you. Take your wife’s advice and let this go.

Taco Tuesday?

[hlthe2b]

1. That piece is just dripping with racism and ignorance.

A daily reminder of how embarrassing and depressing it increasingly has become to be an American.

[Ohiogal]

2. Agree 100% hithe2b

That guy sounds like a real asshole

[Zoonart]

4. Indeed... just WOW.

[beachbumbob]

3. over protective and naive parents. Pretty common. I got chewed out by my son

for allowing my grandson to try some hot sauce on a pizza, for almost the same reason. I laughed, as I remind him how did he come to love hot sauce on pizza.

[2naSalit]

42. Or ask him how he managed to

survive and have children having you as a parent.

[bluedye33139]

5. I used to be addicted to that column. I would read and comment every week

I stopped reading for a couple months to break my addiction, and I still go back once in awhile to look.

Good Lord, this is a terrible letter!

[JHB]

6. "Ok everyone, you have your assignments, now fan out...

Curry carts on the left side of the street, gyro-mobiles on the right, and taco trucks on every corner."

[OneGrassRoot]

17. LOL n/t

[2naSalit]

43. Yes!

Great idea, that food is hard to find in some places!

[tanyev]

7. Unless the kid has food allergies, the curry is a non-issue.

And if he had serious food allergies, the parents shouldn't have 'opened their bubble' without discussing all of that first. But that's the problem with bubbles. It doesn't take many people before the total number of people everyone is interacting with is far too many to trust.

[genxlib]

8. I spent most of my daughter's childhood

Trying to get her to eat spicier food (including Indian) so that we could bring it back into our eating rotation.

Most of our meals got so bland while we were trying to find the Venn Diagram sweet spot that suited the whole family.

[genxlib]

9. Oh, and yeah

That guy is a racist, xenophobic asshole.

[panader0]

10. Oh boy, do I love curry.

Spicy Mexican food, hot Terlingua chili, and Chinese with hot mustard.
Jeannie laughs because the hot stuff makes me sweat. It drips off my nose. I use the napkin on my head.

[luvs2sing]

11. My parents were overprotective, but..

my best childhood friends had mothers who were Japanese, German, Swedish, Italian, and Filipino. And, yes, I had plenty of meals at their houses. Aside from the red cabbage and disgusting city chicken, I learned to like a whole lot of things I never dreamed of.

[Codeine]

12. Imagine believing those letters are real. nt

[WhiskeyGrinder]

21. .

[raging moderate]

13. I saw a 1930 movie in which spaghetti supposedly gave kids tummyaches.

A few hundred years ago, Anglo-Saxon immigrants to America thought tomatoes were poisonous. These people had never heard of these foods, so were scared of them. That was perhaps understandable, back in those insular times. How wonderful this century has been for the exposure to different types of food!

[GulfCoast66]

14. Spicy food hard on small tummies?

I grew up in Louisiana. As long as I can remember I’ve been putting Tabasco in my gumbo, etouffe and most things I ate. Even in the far distance when I had a small tummy.

The problem here is racism, not spicy food.

[maxrandb]

20. True. I love spicy food. In Lemoore CA there's a great Mexican Restaurant called Beto's

across from Lemoore High School. Burritos the size of your head, and one of the few places I could get shredded beef.

So, I ordered my burrito and the guy at the window asked me if I wanted "the Chili's" on it. I asked if it was spicy and the guy said; "it's like ketchup to me".

Damn it was good, but IT WAS NOT LIKE KETCHUP to me.

[GulfCoast66]

22. Yeah, the wife and I eat our food very spicy

When we have people over for dinner we usually have to make adjustments in my cooking.

Ironically our friends who like spicy food seem to get invited over more often.

[hunter]

15. Next time the kid is not going to tell his parents what he ate.

The fun really starts when he's a teen and he's not telling his parents where he's going.

[OregonBlue]

16. We're not racist. We allow are son to have a friend who's parents are foreigners.

[Ohiogal]

26. LOL

That popped out for me, too

[leftyladyfrommo]

18. My mom never paid any attention to what we ate at

the neighbor's houses. It would never occurred to her.

She was just glad to have us out of the house. Just be home by dark.

[obamanut2012]

69. No proof the parent in this is a mom

[FM123]

19. Just wow.

Where to begin.....

[Mossfern]

23. We gave our son Indian food

when he was about 2 years old - he loved it!
When he was younger and still in a walker, I put a bit of chili on the tray - he scooped it up and ate it with relish.
I guess that's what happens when it's kid number three - you lose a lot of the anxiety of parenting.

The question in the OP BTW seems like a troll.

[eppur_se_muova]

48. Wouldn't relish on chili taste a bit odd ? nt

[Mossfern]

57. Ha!

I just had a feeling that someone would say that.
Thanks for validating my intuition.

[3catwoman3]

24. This is not satire?

As has been so often observed by other DUers, it is hard to tell these days.

[Codeine]

72. Those letters are fake.

But a certain sort of person loves to be manipulated, so. . .

[TreasonousBastard]

25. Please don't call this "racist". It's screwed up, but this Indian family is one of the...

first ones allowed in the bubble, which seems like the antithesis of racism.

"Racist" has become a catchall term for damn near anything we don't like, which ultimately reduces recognizing the rel problems of real racism.

[hlthe2b]

28. It is racist.

[TreasonousBastard]

29. Bullshit! They specifically said they allowed this Indian family into their bubble. They distrust...

EVERYONE.

Even their own "type."

[hlthe2b]

51. So, you'd argue a black physician "allowed into the bubble" is not a victim of racism

when they are stopped for "driving while black?"

You know NOTHING about the Indian experience nor of India--the most ethnically diverse country on earth-- I would bet. I'd bet you don't even know the incredible variation of people in what equates to more than 2000 distinct ethnic groups with an associated wide range in skin color. Not to mention the wide range of religions, one of which (the Sikhs) have routinely been confused for Muslim/Arabs and been the target of anti-Muslim violence.

You are so wrong.

[TreasonousBastard]

55. Huh? The black doctor stopped by a cop was not stopped by the bubble owner...

and is therefor the non-est of non sequiturs.

I know very little about India,except maybe that its hatred of Islam created East and West Pakistan, now Pakistan and Bangladesh. And their treatment of Kashmir is not to be admired. The concept of castes is revolting, even thought it is now officially over with. Just officially, though. They are now producing Jaguar cars, but don't have enough bathrooms to go around. A nation of extraordinary contrasts

A quick check shows 22 "official" languages, with hundreds, or maybe thousands, of lesser ones and dialects.

I am familiar with a number of Indian communities here and in NJ where Indian politics was never discussed-- probably because it is so complicated and always leads to argument. And, there is that "you wouldn't understand" attitude.

But the question here is how is a family that admits it lives in a bubble allowing this Indian family into that bubble racist?

Even if, as suspected, this entire story is a troll, the term "racism" involves superiority and exclusion, which is not happening here.

Again, this story is odd, but calling it "racist" trivializes the real and serious problems with racism we try to deal with. And never explicitly saying what is racist about being afraid of a kid eating curry.

[OregonBlue]

30. I can't believe you wrote that. The entire concept of allowing their son to have a friend who's

parents are from India and eat funny foods is racist.

[TreasonousBastard]

33. You forgot the "sarcasm" thingy.

[LAS14]

32. I agree. nt

[greenjar_01]

46. ROFL

[dmr]

36. Yup, totally agree

Using it as a catchall term ends up diluting the word. As you say it ultimately reduces its recognition of real racism -- which MUST be addressed.

I don't know about this father. This might have been racist, but I read it as a helicopter dad, one who is overprotective, or perhaps one who dislikes or had a "tummy" reaction to it, so he assigns his issue onto his son. Poor kid. Mom was right.

Always listen to mom.

[Blasphemer]

40. Having friends who are people of color does not preclude racism

Especially when we are talking about internalized racism and not just interpersonal prejudice. I'm not making a judgment either way about the potential racism in this case, but I don't think the "I have ______ friends" reasoning is especially persuasive. I've experienced racism from several white friends who've kept me in their social sphere/intimate circle.

[RhodeIslandOne]

52. It also doesn't preclude being overprotective and projecting about your kid's tastes

Dad's probably one of these guys who went to Taco Bell once and then has to sit on the john all night because he's a baby. So now he wants his son to only order his burgers with ketchup, mayo and maybe mustard if you "feel like taking a chance son, but don't say I didn't warn you!".

[Cracklin Charlie]

27. Probably the first vegetables the child ate that week.

My son had a friend come over once when he was about 10. They boy had never eaten a green bean. How does one get to be ten, and never eat a green bean?

He loved them, and ate many suppers with us over the years.

[Codeine]

34. Neither of my kids has ever had a green bean.

They eat plenty of veggies, but for whatever reason simply refuse to even try a green bean. Maddening. Happily they enjoy broccoli, spinach, carrots, and even Brussels Sprouts when properly prepared.

Now if I could only get the little buggers to eat olives or mushrooms. . .

[Luciferous]

39. My son has never eaten a green bean but that's because I hate them so I don't make them. His

favorite vegetables are spinach and asparagus, so I think he's good on the vegetable front...

[cbdo2007]

31. My young kids love spicy food and we make them various world foods all the time.

It is fun and they seem to like it!

[Codeine]

35. My kids adore spicy foods.

Me, not so much. Even pepperoncinis are well beyond my tolerance for spicy, and don’t even get me started on jalapeños. I always tell the guy at my preferred Indian place to go “white people spicy.”

[ProfessorGAC]

37. At Mexican Food Joints...

...I always order a side of jalapeños. Has to be over a dozen times I've been asked "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure!"
And, I'm a dark complected white guy. Especially in summer! So, I'm white, but not pinkl
I still get the question.

[Initech]

38. Man spicy curry sounds so good right now!

With some rice, pakora, samosas, lentils...

[Sanity Claws]

41. The letter is satire, isn't it?

Its use of the word "bubble" makes me think it isn't real.

[Codeine]

44. All those sorts of letters are fake.

They’re designed to draw eyes and spark conversations, thus clicks. Not so much satire as cynical manipulation, one that people literally trip all over themselves to buy into.

[RhodeIslandOne]

53. No, this is how overprotective parents talk.

They use passive aggressive buzzwords they gleaned from their office job to not seem like total assholes. They're "very concerned".

[Celerity]

60. the Susan Collins school of white fragility parenting

[RhodeIslandOne]

64. LOL

[Pobeka]

45. Little secret, if it was too spicey hot, the kid wouldn't have eaten it. n/t

[iamateacher]

47. Indian was and is

Our two son's favorite food. And anything spicy!

[AwakeAtLast]

49. Indian family gave a child food.

There, I fixed it.

[dreamland]

50. Even in liberal towns such as ours, kids are "sheltered"

A teacher asked if anyone in her middle school grade class tried sushi, only three hands were raised. Of those three hands, two were Asian. The rest of the class, consisted of Italian, Asian Indian, and Latin ancestry, made various disagreable noises at the thought of having raw fish. It's like the old song goes, "You've got to be carefully taught". How much these kids will miss in their own little bubbles built for them.

[Codeine]

54. Children will be fine never having eaten raw fish. nt

[spinbaby]

56. I can't believe they fed my child Indian food...

...without inviting me!

That’s what my reaction would have been.

[Oneironaut]

58. American food is kind of bland. Everything is "spicy" to us.

For instance, Sriracha is considered hot, but is more like ketchup, to be honest. On the other hand, everything is loaded with sugar / high fructose corn syrup. It’s really hard to find restaurants that aren’t afraid to use spice and heat. Even if you ask them to, they don’t trust you and make things bland. Thank you coming to my TED talk...

PS - A ghost pepper festival sounds awesome.

[Codeine]

73. It isn't like ketchup if you haven't developed a tolerance

for it by depleting the Substance P neurotransmitters that send pain signals to your brain. I enjoy heavily spiced foods with huge flavors, just not the hot variety. There’s a world of difference between “bland” and “hot”, but people tend to equate heat with flavor.

[LizBeth]

59. I never considered a parent upset with what I fed their kid and we were always doing different

stuff and letting kid's friends explore flavor often the kids never having tried the dish.

I would never consider that an issue, and it was never an issue. Maybe because I served that curry while white.

[LAS14]

61. Cultural appropriation!!!! nt

[LizBeth]

62. ;)

[csziggy]

63. On average Americans are incredibly ignorant about herbs and spices

And don't have a clue about them. I'm sensitive - not allergic - to hot peppers. Pretty much anything with a Scovill rating over zero will adversely affect me.

Never once has an restaurant in the US known what I meant by "hot" peppers or knew about the Scovill rating system. on the other hand, when traveling in the UK, if I mentioned a sensitivity, the waiters would send the chef out. Then the chef and I could have a consultation about what was safe for me to eat. I managed to try new foods (that I did not have to cook myself) without putting myself in danger of reactions.

On the other hand an Indian co-worker of my husband's had a dinner for her fellow workers and their SOs. Since I knew some Indian food uses hot peppers, I had my husband ask about what spices she planned to use. She didn't know the American/English names so she made a separate, un-seasoned dish for me. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, but was disappointed that I was not able to appreciate her native foods.

I like curry, but cannot use commercial spice mixes - I blend my own at home. Same for sausage - too many brands now include hot peppers in their spices and only label them as "other spices" in the ingredients list - so I make my own.

As for the kid in the letter - he probably ate a bunch because he had not had strong flavored foods before and finding food with intense spices was thrilling! I hope his parents' prejudices don't keep him from enjoying them in the future.

[Withywindle]

65. Probably the first decent meal that poor kid ever had in his life.

I shudder to think what his parents think is "safe" for "small tummies."

[Manifestor_of_Light]

66. I've had Indian food before. In New York City.

I didn't toss my cookies but I did have a slightly upset stomach and an after taste I didn't like. I have no idea which spices they were using, since I am not familiar with Indian cooking.

I am allergic to tomatoes and peppers of all kinds. Deadly nightshade allergy. I can't handle spicy food at all. First learned this in high school with pizza with bell peppers (and a bunch of other stuff, even sharks)on it. It decided to act like a TV show and make an "encore performance" technicolor belch.

I grew up on bland Tex-Mex, Monterey House, and where I live I can't find it(rural East Texas). Classic bland Tex-Mex does not have tomatoes or green chilies in it. I'm talking your basic beef or cheese or chicken enchilada plate, rice & beans. I also figured out eventually that I am a super taster and very picky about my food. The brown chili sauce is what they poured over the enchiladas.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about when I say "bland Tex-Mex"? The Casa Ole' chain has the bland stuff I love.

[Demovictory9]

67. age 9 and she's referring to "small tummies" like he is a toddler.

[obamanut2012]

68. The odds are it is a he, not a she

The author of that xenophobia screed mentions their wife. Could be a same sex couple, although the odds are opposite sex couple, so a he.

[Drahthaardogs]

70. Grown man using the word "tummy"

Lol.

This is not real.

[Dorian Gray]

71. NO!!!!

NOT.......... LENTILS!!!!!!! ::gasp::