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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsIvanka Trump Beseeches American People: "I Can't Get a Job Anywhere Else"
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)In an attempt to humanize her fathers reëlection campaign, an emotional Ivanka Trump used her R.N.C. speech to reveal to the American people, I cant get a job anywhere else.
The past few years have been super rough for me, ever since my shoe company went south, she confided. I thought the shoes were pretty, and I was really surprised when no one wanted to wear them. Theyre all in storage at Mar-a-lago, and we cant give them away.
Speaking movingly of her father, Trump said, He gave me a job when no one else in the world would.
Expounding on her fathers benevolence, she added, And, while were on the subject of jobs, do you honestly think that anyone else in the world would hire Jared as a senior adviser? No way.
Capping her emotional pitch, Trump said, I am begging you, my fellow-Americans, to please give Jared and me four more years to get our shit figured out. After that, we swear well move out and look for real jobs.
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ivanka-trump-beseeches-american-people-i-cant-get-a-job-anywhere-else
greenjar_01
(6,477 posts)Oh, that's right....
brer cat
(24,577 posts)keithbvadu2
(36,829 posts)Ivanka has been doing OJT for a new career.
Chainfire
(17,549 posts)it would be the first honest job she ever had.
In It to Win It
(8,254 posts)You were guaranteed a job, income, and security from the day were born!
spooky3
(34,458 posts)satire and not a news report.
Rhiannon12866
(205,494 posts)I guess not everybody knows, especially with this one. And you're right, what he's saying is getting so close to reality that it's getting even harder to tell...
NCjack
(10,279 posts)other prisoners, cleaning and ironing Correction Officers' uniforms.
Praek3
(149 posts)Did she blow her job of giving daddy a stiffy?
Asking for a friend. 🕶
I_UndergroundPanther
(12,480 posts)Or a meat plant worker... Shut up invanka I don't care.
Xolodno
(6,395 posts)She's going to have to disavow everything.