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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsAmy Coney Barrett Supports Health Care Available in Year Constitution Was Written
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Claiming that she has been unfairly branded as anti-health care, Amy Coney Barrett testified that she strongly supports all medical treatments that were available in the year the United States Constitution was written.
Like her role model, Antonin Scalia, Barrett said that she considers herself a strict originalist and therefore advocates only the health-care practices that the Framers of the Constitution used in 1787.
For example, the best cure for headaches, fevers, and agues is arsenic, a wondrous elixir prescribed by many a Doctor of Physick, she said. Twill serve.
As for preëxisting conditions, Barrett said that she only acknowledges maladies that preëxisted the late eighteenth century, such as dropsy, Kings Evil, and scriveners palsy.
Finally, although Barrett did not reveal whether she would vote to strike down Obamacare, she said that the law should be rewritten so that its lowercase Ss look more like fs.
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/amy-coney-barrett-supports-health-care-available-in-year-constitution-was-written
Photograph by Erin Schaff / NYT / Bloomberg / Getty
scarletwoman
(31,893 posts)Funny as always!
burrowowl
(17,641 posts)Rhiannon12866
(205,470 posts)And, like all his satire, not all that far from the truth...
modrepub
(3,496 posts)because the conservatives are going to channel the spirits of our Founding Fathers! What a load of crap. Those folks can't tell you what they thought because they've been dead for over 200 years. This whole train of thought is just lazy jurisprudence in my opinion. You can't use logic from the horse and buggy era in the high tech world we live in today.
Rhiannon12866
(205,470 posts)I think he was on with Lawrence O'Donnell. It had to do with the Amendments and he said that the Founding Fathers were aware and considered that times would certainly change. He mentioned Thomas Jefferson specifically.
nuxvomica
(12,429 posts)We all know it's a scam, albeit a well-funded one. Thank you, Mr. Borowitz.
Yeehah
(4,588 posts)That was the original original.
dalton99a
(81,515 posts)No changes needed
The Constitution is a divine document