Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsA Message From The Terrible American Id
Know this one thing: Ill be back.https://thebanter.substack.com/p/a-message-from-the-terrible-american
You think you have me figured out, but youre not even close. You send pollsters to my owners phone and compile statistics on likely voters, but youve never bothered to interview me directly. Here I sit buried deep inside my host, yet I control both his life and yours. Of course, you know a little something about me. For instance, I dont wear a mask during a pandemic. Do you know what else I dont do? I dont wear a helmet when I ride my motorcycle. Like the mask, the helmet is a shackle that infringes upon my inalienable right to complete freedom and autonomy at all times. So-called law and public pressure only make me more resolute. But one day when I flip my Harley, my head hits a curb, and I lie comatose in an ICU on a ventilator paralyzed from the neck down, you will pay my multimillion dollar medical bills.
Hillary Clinton runs a paedophile ring. Running red lights and blowing by your four-cylinder Prius on a side street are what I call breathing. All rules are made to be broken, especially traffic rules. When my GPS gives me a 2.4 mile as-the-crow-flies distance between the beer distributor and the firing range, I am the crow. The notion of abiding countless lights, stop signs, and dainty turns at intersections is an insult to my God-given liberty. It is my innate righteous desire to drive my Ford F-250 straight over fences and through yards to negotiate the shortest distance between two points. Jews eat babies. Speaking of guns, Ive never seen anything I didnt want to shoot, preferably dozens of times.
Life for me is a game of Mortal Kombat with Nancy Pelosi in my crosshairs. I am Rambo without the remains of a conscience. Every shell not used is a deep wound to my pure spirit. Ideally I fire these rounds while riding helmetless through courtyards. Gravity is a hoax. As far as the environment is concerned, mine does not extend beyond the length of my arm. My bodily fluids are all precious, and so they may be ejected anytime, anywhere. In fact, nothing that emanates from me or from any product I might use must be restricted from waterways, airways, causeways or driveways. This is natural law. My never ending joyride over shrubsshouting, spewing, wind in my unprotected faceis an American prayer. The earth is flat.
There is no greater good. There is only my good, and I am insatiable. I was granted a presidenta viral shedding, pussy grabbing, fearmongering, threat issuing tower of a manwho outwardly embodies all that I am. He gives license to my basest urges and validates my deepest primal yearnings. I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. I am the walrus. Coo coo kachu. Now Im told evil, freedom hating forces of the ego and superego are poised to remove my president from his throne, leaving me to flounder alone in the primordial soup of my man cave as part of some inevitable psychopolitical correction. But as I shelter in place in my lair of crystal meth, paintball, and masturbation, know this one thing: Ill be back.
snip
InfoView thread info, including edit history
TrashPut this thread in your Trash Can (My DU » Trash Can)
BookmarkAdd this thread to your Bookmarks (My DU » Bookmarks)
3 replies, 492 views
ShareGet links to this post and/or share on social media
AlertAlert this post for a rule violation
PowersThere are no powers you can use on this post
EditCannot edit other people's posts
ReplyReply to this post
EditCannot edit other people's posts
Rec (5)
ReplyReply to this post
3 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
A Message From The Terrible American Id (Original Post)
Celerity
Oct 2020
OP
The Magistrate
(95,257 posts)1. Damn
That is quite a piece, Ma'am.
Thank you for sharing it.
kacekwl
(7,022 posts)2. As Mister Rogers said
Won't you be my neighbor ? They seem nice.
dweller
(23,682 posts)3. I wonder
If shes single ?!1!
✌🏻