DATELINE: District of Trumpistan--- Organic farmers begin 2021 distraught by a totally
unforeseen complication in their plans for the coming year's crops: there is a very serious global shortage of "guano", the bat excrement scooped from primarily South American caves and used as fertilizer in the organic farming business.
"It ain't fair!" insisted Compton "Com" Poster, who specializes in organic arugula and squash blossoms on his 60 acre plot. "Twelve years now, I have been side-dressing my plans with that bat-sh-------er, "guano" from Peru. I used 15 - 20 tons each year and it was kinda my 'trade secret, you might say. I raised great produce and I got top price for it. This year, I place my usual order and 'Insane Guano'---that's the outfit I have always ordered from---they say MAYBE they can get me a ton or two SOMETIME!
According to those 'Insane' guys," Com continued, "all of the batsh--------uh---"guano" has been bought up by the Trump legal team and the GOP Senate caucus! They use it each time they file another election lawsuit or call a press conference! I'm tellin' ya---it ain't fair!"
So, this year's arugula will be less green and the squash blossoms much more expensive, but the Republican Trump justifications will be more----"fragrant".