Something that happened today that might be useful if Trump still refuses to leave after January 20

[Tommy_Carcetti]

This morning I discovered we had a raccoon take up residence in an eave space in our roof. While I have nothing against raccoons in general and did not wish to see any harm come to the creature, I wasn't really a big fan of it becoming a permanent tenant there or-- even worse--making its way into our attic and wrecking havoc in there.

After attempting to shoo it away with a garden hose (which did absolutely nothing; honestly, I think it actually enjoyed it), I was forced to call in a professional to humanely extricate it from our roof.

When the guy from removal service arrived, I assumed he was simply going to set up a trap cage to which it could be lured in. However, instead what he did was get a long stick--about eight feet in length--and placed a rag on the end of it. In turn, the rag had been doused in a mysterious liquid. The removal service guy simply placed the stick in the general direction of the raccoon, and within about 10 seconds the raccoon had climbed out of the eaves space, made its way down the roof, jumped down and high tailed it in the direction of the neighbors (maybe to scout out their eaves space for a more comfortable habitat).

The removal guy then explained what was on the stick; it was the excretion fluid from a male raccoon, and our raccoon being a female (although thankfully with no kits in tow, which would have made the situation far more complicated), females apparently despise this male raccoon excretion fluid and want nothing to do with it.

Thus, if it comes noon on January 20th and Donald Trump has stubbornly refused to vacate the White House premises, I wholeheartedly endorse the tactic of shoving a stick in his face covered in raccoon excretion fluid in the hopes it might cause him to flee.

After all, it does seem to be a foolproof method of getting rid of unwanted squatting pests.

[northoftheborder]

1. Heh!

[Nevilledog]

2. This has potential......

Could make a mint off of a cologne meant to repel trumphumpers.

[MaryMagdaline]

3. Excellent plan!

[Midnight Writer]

4. I'll start collecting my excretion fluid immediately.

Do you think it would be OK to keep it in a coffee can?

[yonder]

7. I keep mine in the fridge.

[JHB]

5. I still contend that the most effective tool would be hundreds of bowls of mashed potatoes.

I mean, it's a similar concept and the goal of both would be to make him flee the premises of his own accord.

However, having a bowl of mashed potatoes dumped on his head and staring at the prospect of it being repeated for hours on end would get under his skin in a way that mere racoon piss would not.

(After all, some people say he has a thing for golden showers.)

[2naSalit]

33. L think you have something there!

Mashed potatoes might be his male raccoon excretion!

[lagomorph777]

50. Set them out on the South Lawn, along with buckets of fried chicken.

Lure him out into a giant cage.

[JHB]

51. No, I'm thinking of the story told by Mary Trump...

...where at an extended family dinner, Trump's mom recounted a time when the Trump kids were little, Donnie was being his usual persistently-unpleasant self picking on his brother, so the brother grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and dumped it over Donnie's head. And the whole family howled with laughter at the spud-covered brat.

Glancing over at Uncle Donald, Mary could tell he still seethed over the incident. He'd been humiliated by someone he thought inferior to him, and he never lets a slight go.

So those bowls aren't for his stomach. They're there to adorn his hairdo, and he'll know it the moment he sees the first one, much less the hundreds behind it.

If you want him to "self-deport" from the WH, make him choose whether to relive that moment over and over and over. He'll flee.

[MuseRider]

6. This has some possibilities!

We baited beaver from our pond with a different type of scent, trapped them in a cage and took them to a big lake with lots of beaver and streams that allowed them to be safe. I have used something like you are talking about for other things over the years but darned if I can remember, out here we get lots of pests. I was told that human urine kept out some kinds of critters from your garden. I enlisted my two little boys, then around 5-7 years old and they took care of that with gusto and enjoyment. We could all just volunteer to send jars of pee and have someone soak rags. It might take awhile but in summer it should start to really kick in.

[Midnight Writer]

8. They tried to get Trump out of a Russian hotel that way. Turned out he liked it.

[MuseRider]

10. Ha Ha Ha!

I bet he did.

[lunatica]

11. LOL!

[Niagara]

16. Hehehe!

[Dem_in_Nebr.]

21. That is DUZY Material!

I've wished for a way to rec individual posts in a thread.

[Bayard]

9. I'm thinking a giant rat sticky trap

Bait it with hamberder.

[lunatica]

12. He has a high intolerance level for blood

He’s said so himself. He once refused to help an old man who was bleeding while in some party or fund raiser or charity, or whatever function he used to crash just to stay relevant.

Put a rag on the end of a stick with fresh blood on it. That should do the trick.

[jcgoldie]

13. It won't work

It would have to be covered in fluid excreted by his own species... pretty sure none exist...

[jcgoldie]

15. Unless!

OMG!

[JHB]

46. Wrong species. Don't disparage orangutans

Given his habit of making loud vulgar noises, and pissing on anything he sees below him, his lineage is clear.

Howler Monkey.

[FailureToCommunicate]

14. Good idea, but the "excretion fluid" would have to be from some creature more vile than

Trump himself. I cannot think of any on God's green Earth more vile...

[patphil]

17. That's a great idea!

If they can't use that, Ammonia will do just a well.

Flush the Turd on January 20th!

[Revanchist]

18. This is Trump you're talking about

You need to tie a bundle of fresh broccoli to the stick. That will scare him away for sure 😜

[ffr]

19. Oh, I thought you were going to say, have him tarred and feathered.

That would work too.

[3catwoman3]

36. Oohhh, tar in that nasty hair of his is...

...something I would pay to see.

[flamin lib]

20. Naaa. Get the film crew from COPS and let the Secret Service do what they've wanted to do

for the last couple of years; cuff, shackle and drag his smarmy ass out of the People's House. Sell Pay per View and fund the Covid Recovery Plan.

I'd pay good money to see it, wouldn't you?

[leftieNanner]

35. Apparently some of the Secret Service agents actually LIKE him!

Which is why they are putting different agents in the Biden detail.

[jayschool2013]

22. The scent of the law

The stick of justice.

Those ought to do the trick.

I'd be more worried that he's going to high-tail it to another country from which he won't be extradited.

He's a coward, after all.

[niyad]

40. I know that most people want him in prison, but think about the savings to the taxpayers.

And, as an added bonus, repeated hints about the groups who are looking for him.

[Warpy]

23. Trash pandas have higher standards.

Butyric acid might work, if they could confine it to him and the carpeting he is expected to take with him when he leaves.

Personally, I'm still holding out for the hug-me jacket and refrigerator dolly. Bonus points if he goes into the dumpster near the WH service entrance.

[ShazzieB]

52. I second that motion.

I'm definitely in favor of the dolly and jacket, especially if it's accessorized with one one of those cute little Hannibal Lector masks!

[CanonRay]

24. I'm thinking a mirror, a cross, and maybe some garlic.

[soldierant]

30. You might also need strong sunlight. What's the weather report?

[3catwoman3]

39. And a stake, a nice sharp one, to...

...drive thru the heart (if he has one).

[Soxfan58]

25. One problem

Trump likes pee!

[TeamPooka]

26. Soak the rag in Russian hooker pee and Trump will stay forever.

[Mr. Evil]

27. Since he absolutely despises President Obama,

we should procure some 'excretion fluid' from him. That should definitely get the job done!

I know it's a stretch but, President Obama seems like a stand-up guy. I mean, if that's the only way to get rid of the White House pest, I'm sure he'd consider stepping up.

[AllaN01Bear]

28. del monte beef stew stinks to high heaven when opened .

[pansypoo53219]

29. feed him veggies + no ice cream.

[cp]

31. How about a dollar bill at the end of the stick?

[relayerbob]

32. Won't work

His own smells are far too strong to even notice

[bluescribbler]

34. You owe me a keyboard.

Seriously, this is t he funniest thing I've seen on the internet in too damn long.

[DallasNE]

37. Plan B

Should that not work do the same thing but this time make the excretion fluid come from an African-American. That would for sure send him hightailing it out of there. It might even cause him to head for his Turnberry club.

[niyad]

38. Menstrual blood.

[JudyM]

45. .

[AmericanCanuck]

41. I still prefer Forest Service Rangers

who would shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, check his vitals, weigh him, put a GPS collar on him and an ID tag on his foot -- then release him in some forest before the tranquilizer wears off.

[myohmy2]

42. wrong sex...?

...wrong species...?

...but not to worry, Grandma said she's willing to piss on a stick if it gets him out of the White House January 20th...

...seriously, Grammie said that...

...

[housecat]

43. lol worth a try

[CMYK]

44. Well writen

Good story, thanks!

[flibbitygiblets]

47. IDK this feels more satisfying

And we’d NEVER run out of volunteers!

[Smackdown2019]

48. Better idea, instead of a stick.

Have Joe the plumber shows up with a truck load of Skunks. Then have the Washington DC animal shelter deposit some dogs off. I sure there be some activity going on, QUICK!

[NNadir]

49. I kind of want him to be dragged out of the White House by...

The toupee and arrested for trespassing.