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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Turd Reich Falls! (...Directly on the MyPillow Guy's Head, Apparently) (F/SC)
Figured Id give yall a little somethin to read while youre waiting for the clerk to restock the champagne shelf. (Yer own fault for waiting until the last minute, there was always gonna be a rush) Anyway, the end of Americas first openly fascist presidency is, in my humble opinion, pretty rad. Lets talk about it.
(If you want this post with color n news links, GIT IT: http://showercapblog.com/the-turd-reich-falls-directly-on-the-mypillow-guys-head-apparently/)
I know we were just laughing at Betsy DeVos and Elaine Chao, but theyve got nothin on HHS Secretary Alex Azar and his feeble stab at a Far Far Better Thing moment of his own. Shit, Mel Gibson might just need to make a movie about Alex, such was his valor in submitting that o-so-principled resignation, effective the day his enabling ass was getting fired anyway. What next? Will Ben Carson burst through the doors, twenty minutes into Joes first State of the Union, proclaiming hes Finally Had Enough of Donald Trumps Lies️?
Online misinformation about voter fraud in the 2020 election dropped 73% in the aftermath of Lil Donnie Two-Scoops social media ban, and I love everything about that sentence except the part where we gave that dime store dictator a platform to pour his poison into our ears, all goddamn day long, in the first place. Still, sure is fun watchin him shrink into nothingness without a stage to bellow from, innit?
Ive spent much of the past few days cackling to myself over the delectable catch-22 facing President Crotchrot in his upcoming second impeachment trial: nobody but Rudy Giuliani is dumb/crazy/treasonous enough to represent him legally, but Amerikkkas Mayor cant take the gig because hes a witness in the trial, having done his level best on January 6th to incite the assembled Loser Legion to seek trial by combat. (Golly, how does Wee Don keep getting into these WACKY predicaments?)
On the other hand, the argument could be made that the public is being cheated out of the spectacle of Trenchmouth McCousinfuckers planned defense, which was to involve proving his widely debunked litany of voter fraud lies, since that went so well the last time he tried it. Not that doing so would provide a legal justification for terrorist insurrection, of course. Like, if you incite a violent mob to storm an Arbys, the objective tastiness of the curly fries is not a valid excuse for bludgeoning the manager to death with a fire extinguisher. Am I going too fast for anyone?
Im pleased to report Im still sickened by the news of the pardon market thats sprung up in these lame duck days of the Turd Reich. Four years of flooding the zone with shit, you gaslighting bastards couldnt wear out my capacity for outrage at your shameless corruption, though nobody can say you didnt try really fucking hard. Anyway, youre about to find out its less fun begging for pardons than passing em out like candy.
Meanwhile, the federal prison system continues to swell with the ranks of the blockhead brigade that stormed the Capitol a few days back, in hopes of making Louie Gohmerts Dumbest Wish come true. That girl who stole Nancy Pelosis laptop with the intention of selling it to the Russians got arrested. Did I mention the mob contained a girl who stole Nancy Pelosis laptop with the intention of selling it to the Russians? I dont think I did. So, this girl stole Nancy Pelosis laptop, with the intention of selling it to the Russians, but now shes in jail, with all the other patriots.
Of course, now that most of the clowns have been rounded up, were starting to see arrests of the scarier, more organized militia types. And with rumors growing of lawmakers begging their Hemorrhoid Emperor for pardons over their roles in this stupid, yes, but inescapably violent coup attempt, I dont think any of us have screamed our last WHAT THE LIVING FUCK at a breaking news push notification, yknow?
I always knew Lindsey Graham would go down groveling, and hoo boy, he did not disappoint. Bet he sneaks into Melanias luggage and winds up curled in front of the fireplace down at Marm-a-Lago, hoping everybody just assumes someone else invited him.
I see the Taintmaggot Administration chose their final Martin Luther King Jr. Day in office to release one last wheezing asparagus fart of institutional white supremacy, unveiling the so-called 1776 Report, a Stephen Miller shitfit poorly disguised as a rebuttal to the New York Times 1619 Project. Complied by a particularly subpar gaggle of Trumpist mediocrities who, like the Fates of yore, share a single brain cell which they pass between themselves, the report serves, at the very least, as a tidy little debunking of the very notion of white supremacy, because if this tripe is the best yall can come up with...yikes.
Here in the midst of one of the pandemics worst stretches yet, Hairplug Himmler actually tried to lift Covid-related travel bans. Now, theres no possible logical reason to do this, unless you happened to be a vengeance-crazed septuagenarian toddler looking to add a few final turds to the gargantuan dookie mound youre already leaving for the next guy, an unlikely scenario, yes, but surely weve all been trapped in Shitty Wonderland long enough to expect this sort of thing by now.
Honestly, it seems the lone remaining conservative value (outside of bigotry, of course) is spite. Whether sneaking unqualified loyalist hacks into the federal bureaucracy or implementing mischievous little last-minute regulations, you certainly cant accuse Team Skidmark of passing up any opportunities for pettiness; I suppose you have to do something to fill the hours youre not spending fighting the damn coronavirus, right?
We learned freshman Congressfreak Marjorie Taylor Greenes devotion to wackadoo wingnut conspiracy trash runs even deeper than previously known; she claims the Parkland shooting was a false flag, perpetrated by the insidious likes of Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton, to prevent Real Muricans like Marjorie from pouring meth and gunpowder on their morning bowl of Cocoa Puffs. If Kevin McCarthy really wants to keep this skeevy creep in his caucus, give her committee assignments and such, I say PROCEED.
As we reflect on Tangerine Idi Amins legacy, here on the eve of his departure, I think its important to be truthful. Fair. Balanced. He may not have been any good at managing the economy, or negotiating international agreements, or creating jobs, or building walls, or running casinos, or convincing his own wife to share his bed, but you have to admit, he had a real talent for getting Americans killed. 400,000 Covid deaths in less than a year is, you must admit, an eye-popping achievement. Its a matter of perspective; he mayve been the American publics deadliest enemy in decades, but hes the best friend a novel coronavirus could hope for.
Of course, the lying lamestream media suppresses the voices of these patriotic viruses, which is certainly a better explanation for the last-minute plunge in Shart Garfunkels approval ratings than any intrinsic American distaste for the violent overturning of presidential elections by the dumbest white dudes in all creation.
While Im optimistic, we all know its far from certain the Velveeta Vulgarian will ever face justice for his many crimes, so, as a fallback plan, Im looking to harvest as much schadenfreuderrific glee as I can from the category 5 shitstorm bearing down on that MyPillow fellas pudding-filled head.
See, Mike Lindell threw his support, extremely publicly, behind a fascist coup...a week after it failed, and now he cant figure out why national retail chains no longer want to sell his Nazi loser pillows, because I guess you dont have to be Sun Tzu to make it big in the bedding game.
Even better, facing the same defamation lawsuit threats that have already sent multiple right-wing media outlets scrambling to issue obsequious retractions, Lindell defiantly, foolishly screeched COME AT ME BRO, and dude, worry not...they will. Coming in 2022: MyPillow, a subsidiary of the Dominion Voting Systems Corporation!
In short, like every single news cycle for the last four-plus years...shit be cray.
...but tonight, this river of monkey crap is washing right over me, because the next time we meet, Shower Captives, Joe Biden will be the President of the United States and Kamala Harris will be the Vice President of the United States, and I feel like Ive been camped outside Tower Records waiting for this particular album to drop for oh, about four motherfucking years, give or take a century.
After an emotional farewell speech in his home state of Delaware, Smilin Joe packed up and headed back to our poor, besieged capital, ready to take power, with an eye on healing, progress, and cleaning up the various mile-high shitpiles left by his disinterested predecessor.
Hell have help. Just in time, the Secretary of State in Georgia officially certified Ossoff n Warnocks Senate wins, (so the Georgia GOP can move on with planned voter suppression efforts, dont take your eyes off these fucks for a minute) so Mitch McConnells reign ends tomorrow as well. If one can overdose on glee, Im gonna.
Determined to go out like a loser, Donnie Dotard refuses to attend the inauguration, and he cant seem to give tickets away for his own going away party. And now begins the phase of his life where every knock on the door might just be law enforcement, come at last to take him away. Thatll be fun. For us, anyway.
Im sure theres plenty more last-minute fuckery out there, but yknow what? Tonight, lets forget all that crap and get good n fucked up on HOPE. I havent looked forward to a tomorrow like this in...some time, folks. Stay safe out there.
flying rabbit
(4,636 posts)MontanaMama
(23,337 posts)I cant believe we made it the whole 4 years.
Gothmog
(145,501 posts)NotASurfer
(2,153 posts)I feel like I have been running a marathon. And I'm out of shape, so my lungs are on fire and I can't feel my legs. Had to dodge murder hornets around mile 7, think I lost a shoe at mile 17, there was that stretch mile 23 and 24 where hundreds of monkeys - apparently having raided a two-ton dumpster full of rejected Taco Bell menu items - lined the trees on both sides of the route flinging poo from the high ground. Oh, and the cocaine hippos juuuuust before the finish line seemed so, dunno, 2020-worthy.
Now I can see the finish line. We're going to make it. And you know what? I think I'm getting my second wind.
Pachamama
(16,887 posts)OMFG I think this is the best description ever of how the last 4+ years have felt...
Its always that last 1000 feet....
Hugin
(33,194 posts)Anyway, all it took was 81,281,891 popular and 306 electoral votes. Three months of sheer terror. One failed coup (with Trump involved, 'failed' was almost assured, but, sadly people were injured and several did die) {NOTE: It can and has happened here.} So, let's say interdimensional travel isn't quite perfected, yet. Still, it's safer than many forms of public transportation... Statistically speaking. Just ask, Raymond. (Extra brownie points for getting the reference all you olds.)
Well... Uh... Here we are.
People, if you hadn't guessed it, I'm only really good in a crisis. It fits my instincts and my instincts are contrary to some of the things which are necessary for a smoothly running recovery. I'm told I take too many risks by people I have tremendous respect for in the long term. I also run on autotomy. You should see my grade school report cards. "Does not play well with others" is actually pre-printed underlined in red ink on the bottom of the form.
Yes, indeed there are crises needing my attention. Most notably COVID and the terrible Main Street economy. But, my intent on these is to go with the flow set by the new Biden/Harris administration. I'll still be around and reading most everything, but, I'm really needing some time for reflection and contemplation.
The biggest issue facing us is the 2022 Midterms! START ON THEM NOW!
I will continue to wear a damn mask and follow the existing or any additional guidelines which may be deemed necessary. Until I'm told by a recognized health authority that it's no longer required to protect myself and others. I will dutifully report for my vaccinations when it is my time to do so.
I hope everyone will do so, also.
Thanks for everything over the last million years, SC. I'm not sure I could have made it without the weekly nudge you invariably supplied.
Take care and stay safe.