Stray Doberman Accidentally Sworn In As President After Putting Paw On Inaugural Bible

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Letting out a loud, slobbery bark as onlookers gasped in horror, a stray Doberman pinscher who put his paw on the inaugural Bible was accidentally sworn in as president of the United States, government officials confirmed Wednesday.

The 98-pound short-haired canine, who bounded up the stage and sprinted straight past Secret Service, reportedly knocked over President-elect Joe Biden, licked his face, and then placed his right front paw directly onto the leather-bound volume at the exact moment Chief Justice John Roberts began to recite the oath of office.

According to sources, the scene that followed was one of great confusion, with aides informing a visibly dumbfounded Joe and Jill Biden that the Doberman, which clawed several pages out of the family’s heirloom Bible and then proceeded to lick his own groin, would begin his term immediately and serve for the next four years.

A White House spokesperson later told reporters that Ace, the nation’s 46th commander-in-chief, would soon take his first trip as president, a visit to Texas during which he is expected to urinate on the border wall.

https://politics.theonion.com/stray-doberman-accidentally-sworn-in-as-president-after-1846086877

Hey, it's a little bit of light humor for today...

[marylandblue]

1. At last, I can tell it's satire just from the title again.

[Wounded Bear]

2. He's not eligible, you have to be 35 years old...

[Stallion]

3. ...Beat me to it--Sorry Ace

[Wounded Bear]

5. GMTA...

[qazplm135]

8. in human years

or dog years?

Constitution does not make it explicit.

[Wounded Bear]

9. I knew someone would come up with that...

[Stallion]

12. This Scalia Doctrine SCOTUS Would apply a Strict Construction to the Term "Years"

sorry Ace

[Doreen]

11. If it is a 5 year old dog then he does qualify.

In dog years.

[demtenjeep]

4. President Biden would have been okay with it

He loves dogs

[SheltieLover]

6. Lol

Love it!

Gorgeous Dober kid!

[Hortensis]

7. Oh, poor guy. Four years out of practice creating his own ideas

and expected to just start producing.

[Ilsa]

10. If Biden wants to go all doberman on the GOP, I'm good with it!

LOL! I see Harry Reid! This must be photoshopped from the 2008 inauguration?

[lapucelle]

13. Obama Inauguration Speech Ruined By Incessant Jackhammering

1/21/09 7:30AM

WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama's Inauguration Day address—a speech that many believed would jumpstart the healing process of an ailing nation, foster hope and goodwill across the world, and serve as the ultimate stamp on the Democrat's historic win—was ruined Tuesday by nearly two hours of nonstop jackhammering.

According to D.C. officials, the jackhammering interrupted the landmark address on 30 separate occasions and came from the nearby U.S. Botanic Garden, where it was being used to break up pavement for a new Heroes of Horticulture exhibit.

snip================================================================================

Obama appeared most frustrated about halfway through the address when reverberations from the pneumatic drill set off several dozen nearby car alarms, drowning out the new president's attempt to describe his vision for America's future in a changing world.

"If the person currently operating the jackhammer can hear me, please stop," Obama said at approximately the eight-minute mark of his speech. "Seriously, please. Stop it now."

The unremitting pounding caused the first African-American president to sigh or roll his eyes a combined 17 times, most notably during an apparently eloquent passage conveying his "lifelong desire to [unify or commit] the United States to a [common goal, higher purpose, or challenge] by 2012."

During a particularly loud spell of thuds, Obama muttered, "Oh, come on."

snip================================================================================

At one point during the address, Obama stopped talking entirely and walked off the stage for nearly five minutes. When he returned, he asked the restless crowd for calm and understanding.

"Okay, so, it looks like they're not going to stop jackhammering. We're just going to have to keep going, I guess," Obama told the massive group, many of whom had already begun walking to their cars. "I'll try to speed through it."

snip===============================================================================

According to historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, one of the lasting images of the 2009 presidential inauguration will be Vice President Joe Biden, seated just 20 feet behind Obama, cupping his right ear in a desperate attempt to hear what the 44th president was saying.

snip================================================================================

"I wanted to leave the speech with a feeling that this man was a beacon of hope, that he was going to lead us out of the doldrums and into a bold new beginning," said Nathaniel Washburn, a 72-year-old African-American who brought his grandchildren to the inauguration. "But I couldn't hear a goddamn thing."

"I thought it was really, really cool," said Washburn's 7-year-old grandson, Gregory. "When I grow up, I want to be a jackhammer operator."

https://politics.theonion.com/obama-inauguration-speech-ruined-by-incessant-jackhamme-1819570496

[Doreen]

14. Good thing all dogs are Democrats.

Do a lot better than donny.