Anyone out there who's prepaid and planned their funeral services?

[raccoon]

Reason I ask is I’m thinking about it. To take that task off
Those left behind. In my case, a sister.

[spinbaby]

1. I have not

But my mother did and it made her passing easier.

[hauckeye]

2. My husband and I have purchased niches for our cremains

My ashes will be spending eternity in Manitowoc Wisconsin, my husbands hometown. 😄

[CTyankee]

3. My husband and my kids have been informed of my wishes.

I want to be cremated and my remains scattered wherever my son in law's boat (on Chappaquiddick Island) can take them to be caught in the whatever flows out to the Atlantic Ocean. I figure I'll end up somewhere on the Iberian Peninsula. Spain would be terrific.

This, of course, is fanciful. But then, why not?

[rampartc]

4. i did this soon after my cancer diagnosis

my wife heard me on the telephone and did the same. kept it simple and will save us from making decisions at the wrong time.

i had planned to pay cash but it can be structured as an insurance policy with monthly payments.

[Chainfire]

5. Ours are very simple, morgue to crematorium, no service.

A mortician's worst nightmare. Our children know and have no objections.

[Turin_C3PO]

7. My wishes are similar.

Except my family has permission to hold a small, private gathering at the house for a memorial if they choose to do so.

[Maxheader]

6. My attorney has those instructions...

She knows what to do...

[Butterflylady]

8. I told my kids that I signed a document to have my remains

Be given to a local teaching medical school. Hopefully very much needed doctors will learn from my body.

[secondwind]

9. My daughter knows that I want to be cremated.

I’ve not asked her what she’ll do with my ashes. I suspect she’ll put them in an urn. We have a mausoleum here in the Caribbean, it holds several coffins.... urns are on the altar.

[abqtommy]

10. I haven't. As the primary caregiver for my 38-year-old autistic son I've tried to involve him in a

support network with social activities that will support him when I'm dead. He resists all those efforts. Failing in
that I'm resigned to the fact that I cannot die. Problem solved. For now...

[hauckeye]

30. Same here

Our 30 year old autistic son can’t live on his own and will have to transition to a group home of some sort. He will be extremely resistant to this.

[Generic Brad]

11. I have advised my wife to use the cheapest available option

Money is for the living. You can't take it with you.

[thinkingagain]

27. That's originally what I told my family

However after my mother-in-law died and we looked for songs for her funeral and I came across one that had a glad trash bag and the curb in it.
I revised it a bit.

[Hortensis]

12. Nope. Both cremated clean and simple, ashes scattered wherever the first to go chose.

We're not religious, so a simple private gathering, assume at someone's home since neither of us are going to choose a favorite vacation spot.

Btw, GA law allows natural home burial (though not AR), so if they chose our kids could dig holes at the home of choice and drop us in, though individual counties can impose additional requirements. And I assume HOAs.

ADDENDUM: We're far from decrepit yet, so when I unexpectedly landed in the hospital with pneumonia last summer, I was surprised and amused to discover that our daughter had taken charge from Arkansas, issuing instructions six ways from Sunday. Didn't do a bad job, either. And she normally gets her way, so...whatever. When it comes down to it, whatever might float their boats too.

[Collimator]

13. My mother attended to the major details. . .

. . . Of my father's, my brother's and her own funeral sometime in the mid-1990's.

It was an incredible blessing when my brother, my father and my mother died in three consecutive years.

All we had to sort out were the wordings of the obituaries and choice of prayer cards. My mother was understandably distressed at losing her son and then her husband the following year. So, I am certain that she was glad to have dealt with the arrangements long before.

Setting aside the emotional benefits, there is no way we could have born the costs of those arrangements otherwise.

The only detail left to settle after my mother's death was the matter of the flowers. My brother looked startled next to me in the funeral director's office when I said no to the flower issue vis-a-vis the obituary. I told him that our mom had said to me numerous times that she wanted flowers while she was alive--not at her funeral. Happily, he accepted what I said to him. There were a couple of arrangements for the coffin, but instead our mother's notice asked for donations to the American Cancer Society, as she was a cancer survivor of nearly 50 years.

[bluedigger]

14. Not since I wrote "By law" on my will when I enlisted.

I did ask the cemetery caretaker for a nice spot with a view when I was forced to do community service for food stamps a few years ago. He's a fellow vet, so it's a done deal now.

[sinkingfeeling]

15. I have it written I wish to be cremated, my ashes mixed with those of

my beloved dogs and cats, and scattered in a remote space. No service if any kind.

P.S. I have two crypt spaces, purchased by my parents in 1975, in the Pyramid in Ft. Lauderdale/Davie, Fl. I have had them listed for sale for 2 years. They are valued at over $25,000, but will sell for much less.

[LeftInTX]

16. I would think it would save alot of money, especially if you are planning to be buried

Purchasing a plot now will be much cheaper than an "emergency buy" after death.
However, I looked for plots and they were very expensive and eventually gave up.

[Binkie The Clown]

17. Yes. All set up and paid for12 years ago. nt

[panader0]

18. Wrap me in a sheet and put me on a cord of wood.

A keg of beer for the band buddies.
Nah, that's a waste of good firewood and the permits would be hard to get.
Cremation, cardboard box and scattered in a remote New Mexico town by my mom's ashes.

[brooklynite]

19. I'll be dead; why should I care?

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

22. If you'd ever had to handle the affairs of someone who has died, you would care.

"Why should I care?" is an expression of pure selfishness.

My brother died right after Christmas, and going through his small home has been a challenge.

Oh, and here's something else: He died in Arizona, and because his parents were both dead, he had no children and no spouse, all four of his surviving brothers and sisters had to sign off on the cremation. Fortunately we were all on the same page, but if one of us objected, I'm not sure what would have happened.

So you should care. And get stuff in writing.

I have updated my will twice in recent years. Both my son, who is my main inheritor, and my sister, have copies of all the relevant documents, including the Cremation Authorization. I have not prepaid anything, as I'm not sure I will remain in this part of the country for the rest of my life, and there will be more than adequate money to pay for it eventually.

[brooklynite]

33. "but if one of us objected, I'm not sure what would have happened."

There's the point. This issue isn't about what your brother wanted; it appears to be about what you and your siblings wanted FOR him. And that, again, is something I don't care about. Because I'll be dead. If anyone wants to do something to memorialize my passing, that's their choice, and is nothing I care about.

nb - My father passed away 10 years ago. My mother had his remains cremated and buried in Saratoga Springs. I've never been back to visit the burial site -- because remembering him doesn't require my staring at a plaque in the ground. Why people fixate on crypts, coffins, gravestones, urns etc. is beyond me.

[Renew Deal]

36. Because they want to feel that their time on earth was meaningful.

And they want to be remembered. It's an odd form of FOMO

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

37. Actually, it was what our brother wanted.

I'd had that conversation with him several years ago, and he was very specific about wanting to be cremated and where he wanted his ashes scattered.

Unless you are okay with your family not even claiming your body, you really should think about this. Your level of indifference makes me suggest, well I won't actual post what I want to say, since that would probably get me a time out if not an outright banning. But those who survive you WILL be stuck with making decisions and perhaps forking out money after you are gone.

Yes, it is true that any services of any kind are for the living, but again, unless the body remains unclaimed, someone has to do something. And it can be rather expensive, although cremation with no urn, just the ashes packed in a plastic bag, is relatively inexpensive. Scattering the ashes means no burial site, rather like burial at sea.

[brooklynite]

39. I care what people think of me now...

I could care less how they remember me when I'm gone. Nor do I care how my hollow shell of a body is disposed of.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

40. It will need to be disposed of some way.

It can't just be put out for the weekly trash pick up. You need to care enough not to make a huge amount of extra work for others.

[mercuryblues]

20. My Father did that

I made it easier for us kids after he died. 1 phone call set everything in motion. All we had to do was go to his home and get the clothes he wanted to be buried in.

I highly recommend it.

My Mom told us what she wanted. Cremation, buried next to her parents. We still had to find a crematorium and all of us kids agree on an urn. The costs had to come out of our pocket because her bank account was frozen. Social Security had just deposited a check and they wanted to make sure thet got the money back.

So yes, I highly recommend you plan and prepay for your funeral.

[MineralMan]

21. It's a very good idea to do that.

After both my parents died recently on the same day, my very first task was arranging things with a funeral home and with the cemetery where my father said they had two gravesites. It was far more complex a job than I expected. The funeral home would not pick up their bodies until I had made arrangements with them and had paid for those arrangements. Fortunately, I was able to do so, and my sister's husband kicked in half of the costs.

Then there was the cemetery. They couldn't find the records that my parents owned the gravesites. After a frantic run through a box of papers, I found the document that recorded the sale of the gravesites to them by someone else. I scanned as a pdf file and emailed it to them. Then, there was another bill from the cemetery to pay for two burials.

Had it been up to me, I would have chosen cremation, but my father was adamant about being buried, so I honored his wishes.

All of this happened on the same day they died. Fortunately, I knew all of the information that was needed, like my parents' parents names, including maiden names, where they were born, their birthdates, their SS numbers and more. I had created a text file with that information a couple of years ago, just in case.

I also needed an obituary for the funeral home to send to the local newspapers. I wrote that the next day in about three hours, had my wife proofread it, and sent it to them, along with a scan of their wedding photo from 1943. Note: The obituary was long, because it had to be. The total cost for it to appear in two local papers was over $700.

None of the things I had to do immediately were things I wanted to be doing that day. I was in Minnesota and my parents were in California, so everything had to be done by phone and via email. It was a severe test of my patience and ability to keep myself together, frankly.

So, if you can, plan those things in advance as much as possible, and make sure your next of kin folks have all the information readily at hand. That will save them time and stress at the moment they begin to grieve your death. Death is a complicated business for the survivors.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

23. Thank you for the specifics of what you had to do.

Even though you knew what they wanted and had all of the relevant information handy, as you've pointed out, it was more complicated that you'd expected. People have no idea until they have to go through it themselves.

[MineralMan]

25. Yes. And it happens immediately, really,

just at the time you are trying to process what happened. I was a little shocked at all of the things that had to be done immediately. Fortunately, because of their very advanced ages, I had thought somewhat and made some preparations earlier. But, the process was complicated and I wasn't in the mood for it. I managed to keep my cool and got it done, but it was very difficult, given the timing.

My instructions are very simple. My wife and sibling know them. Cremation, no ceremonies, and ashes scattered in the Mississippi river in St. Paul, MN. We prepaid our cremation costs a few years ago.

[MuseRider]

28. I went through that

with my mother, my grandmother and my brother. I was not yet 50 years old and had not one clue. My father died when I was 19 so I did not even remember all of that. It was awful and all in 2 years. ALL of it goes on for quite a while if things are not already spelled out in a will.

I was sorry to read that your parents had died so close to each other. Sometimes I think the process is a bit helpful but really, in the long run it was not at least for me.

Be at peace.

[malaise]

24. Ages ago

No service, body heading to the university for the students.

[MuseRider]

26. Nope

no funeral, no obituary just cremate me and scatter me on the farm with all the critters. We have one corner full of all the goats, horses, dogs and cats and that is where I want to be.

[Mariana]

29. My parents have done this.

Years ago they arranged and paid for cremation and transportation of their bodies, if necessary (they traveled a lot before Covid-19) and to be poured into the Gulf of Mexico. My sister and I have copies of the paperwork. They called it the Bake and Shake plan.

They didn't realize at the time they set it up that my dad's military service made them eligible for interment in a National Cemetery, so they've changed it and their cremains will go there.

[Arkansas Granny]

31. I haven't, but I should. The only expense will be for cremation.

My kids know about that have already decided to scatter my ashes at a campsite along the creek where we had a lot of good times when they were growing up. I'll leave it to them how they want to handle that or who they want to include.

At my insistence, there will be no religious service.

[onethatcares]

32. Neptune Society

paid in full over 5 years ago. I wanted a Viking funeral but all they offered was cremation.

Didn't want some ghoul coming around and trying to put me in a 6k or above casket. I haven't been an astronaut my entire life so why
would I want to take up space then?

[LovingA2andMI]

34. A Final Expense....

Policy is a Pre-Plan for Funeral Services. For a quote, feel free to request here.

[yewberry]

35. People's Memorial Association member here

This is specifically a WA non-profit organization but it has a reciprocal agreement with the national Funeral Consumers Alliance here.

They offer a variety of services and information but non-members can also download planning materials via https://peoplesmemorial.org/membership/membership_forms_1/.

It's a good idea to have a plan and a way to organize all your information. It will be less of a burden on loved ones.

[Mossfern]

38. I recently bought four burial plots (this is long for me)

I had romanticized my death by claiming that maybe I should be cremated and have my ashes part of the soil of a tree to be planted, I also looked at 'natural burials' and oohed and aahed over pretty wicker caskets and ribbons. I have been extremely close to death a couple of times in my life, so considering it is no longer a scary thing for me. My older sister just felt creepy and scared about making arrangements and my husband is avoidant as well.

So.... I took it upon myself to investigate costs. Just to get a ballpark figure, I called the cemetery where my parents and their families are buried. The sales person (let me tell you, they're like used car salesman) asked me where my family was - it was in the old part of the cemetery. There were four plots recently made available just across the walking path from my parents, because that family preferred the new mausoleum. I bought them after conferring with my friend who's the owner of the local funeral parlor, who told me they were a great price considering they included interment fees. ($5000 each!) He also said that it was amazing that I found spots so close to my family - it's just about impossible for that to happen - so I felt that it was fated.

It's funny, after all those lofty ideas about what I wanted, I ended up choosing a traditional Jewish cemetery. I think that being close to my family (both my mother's and father's) gave me comfort. There's one "unclaimed" grave site that I'll offer to my brother - if he declines then it will be up for grabs. If none of my family want it, then I will put in my will that it be donated.

Next, I'll talk to my friend about all the other particulars that will be needed.
My mom did that for me, and I'm doing it for my children.