When I was a child...
People would sometimes come up to my mother and ask her if she was the "Nanny" of her own children. While young, we were all towheaded and had a much lighter skin hue. I've spoken of this before on DU.
My mother was darker than Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.
Later, when I was engaged, my future husband's mother - a manipulative perpetual victim - wondered what our kids would look like. Even bothered by the fact any children could have brown eyes.
My own eyes are so dark brown they look black. A co-worker once asked to touch my hair. I gave her a look - because, seriously? I let her though. I was curious about her reaction. She said it was soft. Said she was surprised because it looked all wiry and coarse. Figures. My skin is white.
As a couple, we have chosen to live around and connect primarily with my family. For obvious reasons. My husband and I have managed to limit our contact with his family. His decision as well as mine.
I fully believe there was speculation from within the royal family about the skin hue of Harry and Meghan's children.
I know it happens.
It cuts deeper than a lot of people can realize. It's racism, yes - but saying it is doesn't really tell the story.
That speculation is a sign of rejection. Not just of you but any future children, grandchildren, etc.. It hits all the discordant notes that form white supremacy. And they are all discordant notes.
That you're less, inferior, and not even really human. As everything known about humans is only applied to white people under the white supremacy ideology. Same with white privilege - everything (socially/culturally/economically/even medicine) based on white skin means how things shape/affect those without white skin are ignored. That you aren't even a consideration if you don't have white skin.
That white is better than you and always will be. That acceptance only comes, and even then given only provisionally, based on the color of your skin. Even still, you know you'll be mocked and scorned behind your back. Never good enough. Never equal. Never really "one of them". You know your children will be treated differently.
And this kills you inside. Not the lack of the inclusion so much as to the reasons why. It's soul crushing.
I hated the people who asked my mother if she was my Nanny. They treated a woman I worshiped as less. They smiled glowingly at me - at first. They looked at me differently once my mother told them in no uncertain terms that she was not the Nanny and gave them the - fuck you for entertaining the thought - look she did so well. Then they saw me as less as well. You could see the change play across their face.
I am who I am today because of my mother. For good or for ill, she was my primary influence, shaping how I see the world - and people. I didn't always agree with her, and still don't, but her voice is always there.
Meghan Markle chose to protect her children. To protect herself and her children. Her husband has done the same. To protect his family.
Because that's what you do when someone wonders what "color" your children will be. Because if it matters to them they will make for damn sure it becomes an issue for your children. They have let you know exactly what they think of you and exactly how they will treat your children.
This isn't really about the monarchy. The UK monarchy can die out or not, I don't care.
It's about the damage racism causes. It's about the harm and the pain it causes. It's about understanding precisely why you would keep your children away from such a toxic environment.
Thanks for listening.
= new reply since forum marked as read
But my intentions are good.
of your grandma's story. I LOVE history. 
grandmother and my mother were born too. My Dad was born near Custer, in Montana
and while I wasn't born in Montana I've lived there as boy and man. I enjoy history and
especially the family kind! Now all Montana needs is people to match the mountains!
Oh yeah, my Mom's Dad was born in Montana but his parents moved from Canada to
The Flathead. I always think of it as home. My Dad's parent's were ethnic Brit and Dutch
and that explains why everybody in the world is related!
Nothing more boring than white bread.
Thanks for the insights that most never get to see.
mating sons to mothers for many generations. Yuck. 
mom is still married to dad. They both have successful careers and the 34 year old owns his own business. They're asking me what I need.
Lovely story!
We're still more like a savory stew. Downhome and best served with cornbread.
You have looked with unflinching eyes at your own history and have written this compelling post as a result.
It's superb and heartbreaking all at once.
speculation before the birth of a child.
In my family the question was always- red head or not.
I shared a good long laugh with an African American friend when she complained about straightening her hair. I responded with-"they have us both- I complain about curling mine and you complain about straightening yours."
I so wish I had time to type more, but you get the idea. Perhaps I'll be able to expand more later.
People say the most hurtful of things and it doesn't even register with them how painful - and stupid - it is what they say.
That's not an excuse for them. It is because of how they do think that they can say those things without one thought to what it says about them.
different races has a softening effect on the physical appearance in my opinion. That includes pasty white people like me. I never had kids but I used to think that if I had them with a black man they would be a nice tan.
Do you remember Mike and Molly with Melissa McCarthy? They were talking about getting in vitro or something like that where you can potentially choose how your baby would look, (?) Vince; Molly's stepfather came in with a roll of paint swatches to help pick out the baby's skin tone! It was actually hysterical - He suggested a type of caramel color if I remember correctly.
♥️
Still solid advice. People could learn a lot just by closing their mouths. I have to remind myself of that from time to time.
I completely agree about the damaged caused by SbE and how people don't really think about how it shaped their own thinking, as well as long term policy making - which caused damage from its inception and continues to cause damage in the here and now. The thinking lives on in one form or another.
Thank you, Warpy! Because the exchange has helped me to clarify some of my own thinking.
but for you...
It is a shame such ignorance is still so prevalent. I just listened to a book on witchcraft and another on conspiracies. Listening to the history, despite some marvelous advancements, we as a species seem easily frightened and prone to illogical and dangerous thinking. Some laugh at the "stupidity" and "simpleness" of Middle Age Europe and their witch hunts, or the various other "crackpot" ideas (phrenology, eugenics, etc.), but then we come to the 21st and we are confronted with the former president, Marjorie Taylor Greene, flat-Earthers, anti-vaxxers, and supremacists of all stripes.
And, just because,
Humans seem to go out of their way to give credence to their irrational fears and garner respect for their ignorance but when it comes to love for, and acceptance of, each other they build wall after wall.
This from the radiation though. The type of chemo I was on didn't cause the hair to fall out. Did make me sick though. For a short while, a Dr. Pepper Icee helped - until even those turned my stomach. Was a bad day the first time that happened. I went home and cried. After losing my taste for so many foods, to have something comforting ripped away from me. It was too much.
I can laugh about it now, but not at the time.
I'm glad you can laugh!
you’ve been my force as well.
You hit on a truth. It is a process - the unraveling of what we were taught, what we picked up, and what we saw that had an impact - whether we knew it or not - that shaped our thinking.
Each day, people have to make a conscious effort to challenge their preconceptions. To challenge what they believe and why.
Too look beyond what feels comfortable for what is right. What is truth.
We all, myself included, have to make that effort. Have to go through that process.
