BREAKING NEWS: Trump somehow ends up getting banned from his own social media platform.
On the heels of receiving news that Facebook would continue to enforce its ban on him on their platform for the foreseeable future, former President Donald Trump learned of more bad news today: he had been banned from the messaging platform created exclusively for him on his own website.
Despite the fact that he was the only person authorized to actually post anything on the platform that had been titled "From the Desk of Donald J. Trump" (although users were invited to like his messages and share them to other social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter), Trump awoke this morning to find his posting privileges on the platform had been revoked without further notice.
According to a source close to the former President, the situation unfolded after Trump went on an overnight messaging spree attacking the platform's layout. Trump called the site's design "really, really ugly" and "a complete and total embarrassment," noting that now-defunct social networking site Myspace "does a much better job than this guy's website." Trump also criticized his site's header picture, claiming that the picture of him was "unflatering [sic]" and "didn't show 'enough' of my TRULY TREMENDOUS hair." Finally, Trump noted that, "The site claims to be From the DESK of Donald Trump. But where's the 'desk'? The beautiful, beautiful desk! A real trategy [sic]!"
After these comments were posted, the situation was reportedly referred to the website's owner, also Donald Trump. Trump reviewed the various posts, and after some deliberation announced to those closest to him, "I'm sorry, but we just can't let this guy continue to post on here all unhinged like this. Sure it all seems like silly stuff now, but if we let him go on forever, telling all these lies and stuff, it could get really dangerous for us."
"I mean, this guy could end up getting people killed!" Trump reportedly added.
Despite the fact that it had banning its only user, Trump's website itself will not be taken down. Rather, the site will continue to market various retail products to the public such as Trump branded hats, shirts, flags, beach towels, face masks, stuffed animals, beer kozies, fidget spinners, snuggie blankets, and ginsu knives. The site will also hawk the opportunity for Trump to send custom personalized messages that could be broadcast for birthday parties, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs, first communions, funerals and interventions. Similarly, the site will continue to solicit donations for what is only described as "The Rudy Giuliani Legal Defense Fund," although it was not specified whether monies raised for that fund are intended to pay to retain Rudy Giuliani to defend Trump in court for some unspecified legal proceeding, for Giuliani's own legal defense, or for both.
DETAILS AT ELEVEN.
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