The latest conspiracy theory on AZ fraudit: they're searching for Bamboo

[Nevilledog]

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Tweet text:
Nick Martin
@nickmartin
LMAOOOOO WHAT

The latest conspiracy theory being chased by the sketchy "audit" of Arizona's 2020 election is that fraudulent ballots were supposedly smuggled in from China and therefore have bamboo in the paper.

THEY ARE CHECKING FOR BAMBOO IN THE BALLOTS.

Dennis Welch
@dennis_welch
John Brakey, an official helping oversee the audit of the 2020 Arizona election, says auditors are looking for bamboo fibers because of a baseless accusation that 40K ballots from Asia were smuggled here. #AzAuditPool
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[MineralMan]

1. So, I wonder how all those lawsuits that asshole mentions

turned out, you know. Did he win them? Why do I think that he did not? Did they get tossed out of court? Why do I think they did?

What a bunch of smelly crap!

[Jim__]

2. And if they don't find any? Do they admit they were wrong?

Or do they claim that the Chinese sent the fake ballots on western manufactured paper?

[Ocelot II]

3. SMH. They are really reaching, but I guess that's what conspiracy theorists do.

Some paper is made from bamboo (and it's a good thing, since bamboo is an easily-renewable natural resource). But China isn't by any means the only source of bamboo, and a lot of the paper itself is milled in the US. So even if they did discover that the paper ballots were made of bamboo, that fact wouldn't come anywhere close to proving that they originated in China.

[multigraincracker]

4. If the bamboo don't fit...

You must acquit

[AZLD4Candidate]

19. Unreal. These people actually think bamboo is found all over China

It isn't.

But stereotype dropping is found all over the Republican Party.

I know I am running for office, but this kind of bigotry drives me nuts, since I lived in China for 12 years, my wife is Chinese, I have a house there, and have more friends there than I can county.

[multigraincracker]

22. Great and I hope you run

for National Office some day so I can vote for ya.

[AZLD4Candidate]

25. My political ambitions are no higher than the House of Reps if elected

And either a consul or ambassador position in China as I have connections there and speak the language fluently.

[ProfessorGAC]

23. Besides, The Chinese Know How To...

...make paper without bamboo. For around 1,300 years, now.
My guess is that people in China wouldn't find bamboo in their paper!

[AZLD4Candidate]

24. No. My wife and I used standard paper when we wrote and printed.

China hasn't used parchment for anything in centuries.

But ain't stereotypes great?

[ProfessorGAC]

26. As I Recall...

...they started using what we call paper end of the 8th or early 9th century.
I started doing some historical searches on China when I started traveling there around 20 years ago. Just so I'd know some cool facts about their history.
I remember the "inventing paper" thing and always thought it was a pretty big deal.

[NCjack]

27. The Chinese master forgers are smart enough to use the paper used

by Arizona company that printed the original ballots. Those dummies examining the ballots should be looking for duck grease stains. All preprinted official paper documents in China have duck grease stains from the hands of the workers who were eating their meals while being forced to work at double time for 16 hours per day at half pay.

[AZLD4Candidate]

29. As I said to someone earlier

If they looked for 北京烤鸭, 新疆大盘鸡, or 小笼包 stains, they would be on to something. And the ballots would smell and taste good too.

Nothing works better than chutzpah, hubris, and ignorance mixed in with xenophobic stereotypes.

[JHB]

31. Or fortune cookie crumbs, because of course they're from China!

(Hint: No, they're not. Fortune cookies are an American thing.)

[diverdownjt]

20. If the bamboo is not real.....

then what's the deal?

[onethatcares]

34. pergo, they check them for pergo

flooring.

Imagine, if you will, the Democratic Party doing something as insane as this. The teevee barbies and kens would be going batshitfuckinginsane.

Please forgive me for using the word, "insane"

[Hugh_Lebowski]

5. What's even more disturbing is that anyone seriously thinks 40,000 ballots

could just be 'snuck in' and get counted, without anyone noticing.

There's what they call 'audits', you see, dipshits?

That cannot happen, basically.



Man ... these Big Lie Fans are freaking nuts.

[FSogol]

6. Wouldn't recycled paper almost always contain some bamboo chips? They should check it for atoms!

[Lancero]

7. They just need a electron microscope. Well, one not made in China...

Since those are all pre-programmed to ignore Chinese made ballots.

[exboyfil]

8. We need a creative film maker to a comedic documentary

in time for the 2024 election. Something that would push voters to conclude that the GOP is certifiable and vote accordingly.

[PCIntern]

9. From China huh?

Are the ballots in Column A or column B? Of COURSE it would be CHINA and 60 years ago it would’ve been from Russia. During the gulf war they could have checked for French (Freedom) Fries. My question is:who do we hate next?

[AZLD4Candidate]

17. China's a big country. There's no bamboo north of 黄河, which is most of the north China plain

and DongBei 东北.

Because, you know that Asian people are just covered in bamboo.

[NCjack]

32. This is the GOP doing the BIG STEAL.

[stillcool]

10. Why don't they just get new ballots?

fill them out the way they want, and call it the immaculate election.

[jmowreader]

11. Oh god...get the poll books

If the number of signatures or "voted by mail" notations in the poll books match the number of cast ballots, then it doesn't matter what fiber is in the ballot paper.

Sick thought though...what would they do if ballots with Trump votes on them contain bamboo?

[Solly Mack]

12. How are these people allowed out without supervision?

[panader0]

13. As you pointed out the other day, the same politicians that authorized this recount

are also on the ballot. Soooo stupid.
To most people, this is a joke.

[blueinredohio]

14. Why doesn't whoever can do something about this shit

just say STOP IT just fucking stop it!

[AZLD4Candidate]

15. You take a stick of bamboo, you take a stick of bamboo, you take a stick of bamboo

you throw it in the water.

[Xipe Totec]

16. Another Bamboozle. nt

[DanieRains]

18. My Cat Peed (by accident) On My Ballot I Want It Found

To make sure it is counted.

Ok?

Ok?

C'mon now.

Ok?

[mwooldri]

21. What's more plausible is that it's paper made by Koch industries.

Georgia Pacific make a lot of paper.

What conspiracy theory could we spin out of this? Ehehe lol...

[Deminpenn]

28. By the time these yahoos are done with the "audit",

all they'll have accomplished is to have debunked every crackpot election CT out there.

[onethatcares]

30. but is it

the "BigBamboo"?

Not sure the spelling is correct but hey, it's been 50 years...

[JHB]

33. Why does my brain want to twist this into "Werewolves of London" lyrics?

Bam-boooo
Fraud votes from China
Bam-booo...

[LetMyPeopleVote]

35. Rachel had fun laughing at these low IQ idiots