It's been 3 months since you have been gone....
Three months ago today, I lost you (Heidi) because you couldn't survive your stroke. I took care of you for all those years as you battled your brain tumor with love and affection. I took you to all your doctors appointments, all you surgery's and your gene therapy's because I loved you. For 17 years, I had hoped you would get better, but you just would get a reprieve, only to have your tumor come back and start the whole ordeal over and over again. You were a fighter, the biggest fighter I have ever known. I miss you deeply and think about you every day.
Since the day you left, I have had this feeling of being lost because I can no longer take care of you, I had no purpose. I went from a 24 hour care taker and husband to a man with no direction. I am getting better as my grief has subsided and the feeling of being lost is dwindling because I know that my purpose now is to survive this pain. I have found my purpose for the short term... take care of myself.
Hundreds of millions of people have experienced this very feelings this last year. They lost someone dear to them and are going through the very same thing I am going through. It makes me cry to know that they are feeling these feelings. I want to tell them, It will get better. The pain will subside, though it may never go away. Our loved ones may be gone, but as long as we hold them in our hears and minds, they will really never be gone.
Heidi, I will always miss you and love you with all my heart. I look forward to when we can be together again. Please tell all those that have passed before us, that we all miss them. Give your Mom and Dad a big hug for me and tell my sister I miss her too. RIP.
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Its obvious how much love you shared with each other, she'll always live in your heart.
We have a fairly active Bereavement Group at DU. You may be able to find some comfort there too.
❤
https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
"And of all these things ..."
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it's a real life changer when we lose someone we love
especially when we live with them
true love 
Heidi was truly blessed to have a man like you in her life & her cup ran over to have a soul who adored even her more as the 2 of you travelled through the trials that relapsing illness, supporting and walking with her hand in hand, carrying her when she could no longer walk. May you be blessed with the peace that you so deserve and safe journey home, Heidi. May God bless & keep you until you're reunited with her and all your loved ones who've gone before you. I have no doubt that they're waiting to be joyfully reunited with you again because you are indeed the type of soul that this world needs more of. This planet would be a completely different place if there were more like you. 