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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsAlexandra Petri: These New Vaccine Mutants Are Extremely Disappointing by Magneto
Link to tweet
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/06/11/magnetic-covid-vaccine-mutants-magneto-x-men/
I was thrilled when I heard that there was a whole class of people who had been recently endowed, they thought, by the coronavirus vaccine with magnetic powers they could not explain. Things stuck to them, they claimed, that had not stuck to them previously. Coins. Silverware. Even the occasional key which was so encouraging to me because keys are made of brass, and thus suggested a level of power and control that went beyond simple magnetism.
Sherri Tenpenny, an osteopath, testified in Ohio that, Im sure youve seen the pictures all over the Internet of people who have had these shots and now theyre magnetized. They can put a key on their forehead. It sticks. They can put spoons and forks all over them and they can stick. When I heard this, I was more excited than I have been in years. People who could control metal! Magnetic people! I felt full of hope for mutantkind. These new mutants were appearing in state legislature after state legislature, testifying to the development of these new powers, and I said to myself, Finally everything is coming up Magneto! I was so excited.
I put on my newest, most purple helmet and my best cape, and I manipulated the Earths magnetic field to fly myself to Ohio as fast as I could. I was so excited to recruit new members for the Brotherhood of Mutants and to stand together against the scourge of petty, small-minded humanity using our combined powers. We would start small with forks and cake servers and gradually work up until we were lifting cars. I would guide and teach them. Maybe among their number was an Omega Class mutant! The next time I wanted to move the Golden Gate Bridge, I would not be alone in the effort. I would have a whole army of comrades equipped with the same abilities.
And let me tell you, I was pretty let down.
I met the people who were saying that metal objects now stuck to them because of their vaccines and gave them a whole recruitment speech about how they were the next stage in evolution, but once I said the word evolution, they looked at me doubtfully. Then I asked them to show off their abilities, and I hate to say this but, have you ever been at a friends amateur magic show, where the magic show is not going quite as was hoped, and theres a lot of saying hold on and wait, hang on and sorry as they fail several times running to identify your card, and then a dead bird falls unprompted out of someones hat? Frankly, that would have been an improvement.
*snip*
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Alexandra Petri: These New Vaccine Mutants Are Extremely Disappointing by Magneto (Original Post)
Nevilledog
Jun 2021
OP
Pinback
(12,157 posts)1. Brilliant as always
Alexandra Petri is insanely hilarious. Love her writing.
Xoan
(25,321 posts)2. Why are 'libs' still rehashing this nonsense.