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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsTed Cruz Calls Obamacare a Democratic Plot to Keep People Alive So They Can Vote
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Outraged by the U.S. Supreme Courts decision to preserve Barack Obamas signature legislative achievement, Senator Ted Cruz called the Affordable Care Act a thinly veiled Democratic plot to keep people alive so they can vote.
A long time ago, Democrats figured out that live people were far more likely to vote than dead ones, Cruz charged. Make no mistake: the Affordable Care Act is a calculated scheme to increase the number of live people.
He went on, Democrats will stop at nothing to get people to vote. They will get them ballots. They will get them bottled water. And, yes, if necessary, they will keep them from dying of a preëxisting condition. It disgusts me.
Cruz added that, unlike Democrats, Republicans have no intention whatsoever of keeping people alive, and pointed to Texass new constitutional carry gun law as a shining example.
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ted-cruz-calls-obamacare-a-democratic-plot-to-keep-people-alive-so-they-can-vote
Photograph by Anna Moneymaker / Getty
SledDriver
(2,059 posts)Rhiannon12866
(205,664 posts)But he's so good because he comes so close to the truth.
Escurumbele
(3,401 posts)TheBlackAdder
(28,209 posts).
It shows just what kind of a hump he really is.
.
madashelltoo
(1,698 posts)Go fishing or whatever it is you do, Ted!
Escurumbele
(3,401 posts)but he never said those things. Borowitz is just so good that although it is satire, he always comes very close to the truth, he seems to have a knack for knowing how republicans think.
I think Cruz's hobby is to look at himself in a mirror, I have a feeling he doesn't do any sports, not even fishing.
malaise
(269,094 posts)Just the truth - satire or not
sheshe2
(83,816 posts)Hekate
(90,738 posts)We get way too many people failing to get the joke.
Rural_Progressive
(1,105 posts)SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)colorado_ufo
(5,737 posts)the later years.
How could anyone take this guy seriously?
Escurumbele
(3,401 posts)Read responses above yours. Borowitz is just a genius.
colorado_ufo
(5,737 posts)Yes, it is satire - love Borowitz and get his column in my email daily. I was just referring to the (very unappealing) picture of Cruz: I could imagine a digital progression of the Munster kid far into the future!
Traildogbob
(8,766 posts)He is grandpa. Spitting image.,
FakeNoose
(32,669 posts)lastlib
(23,253 posts)to give average people decent lives and democracy??
Escurumbele
(3,401 posts)Always check the stories, the sources as well. Doing that you would have realized that The Borowitz Report is satire, it is not true Ted Cruz said those things.
I know, I understand, being the story about Ted Cruz it is very credible he would say stuff like that, but not this time.
Borowitz is just an incredibly funny genius.
MissMillie
(38,568 posts).
mysteryowl
(7,390 posts)ananda
(28,868 posts)It does hit home.
Leith
(7,813 posts)I thought it was real.
It's a good one, very good.
flibbitygiblets
(7,220 posts)They're such a freaking parody of themselves, it's even hard for critical thinkers to tell truth from fiction sometimes.
GeoWilliam750
(2,522 posts)Snackshack
(2,541 posts)Even though the title of the post is clearly FUBAR I still have to open it just to make sure it is satire .phuck!!!!!!!
Duppers
(28,125 posts)niyad
(113,474 posts)betsuni
(25,560 posts)*wrong* people alive so they can vote.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)going.
Part of his genius is walking the fine line between reality and satire. It is absurd, but almost believable because of how insane the GOP has become.
Rhiannon12866
(205,664 posts)Since so many of his columns are so close to the truth...
smb
(3,473 posts)...the GQP has the dead vote locked up, so no wonder Cancun Cruz is concerned.
steventh
(2,143 posts)Thank you.
Martin Eden
(12,873 posts)It is essentially true.
patphil
(6,190 posts)And close enough to the truth to fool a lot of people here.
Hint: borowitz-report in the link.
Always check the link for things like the onion, or borowitz.
But then I could imagine Ted Cruz actually saying something like this.
Blue Owl
(50,448 posts)Maraya1969
(22,486 posts)if you labeled your OP that they were the authors. I end up clicking and then have to just leave because I never read it and I feel as if I have been tricked.
USALiberal
(10,877 posts)reACTIONary
(5,770 posts)USALiberal
(10,877 posts)IronLionZion
(45,469 posts)as the GOP tells their supporters complete falsehoods to keep them from living through a pandemic.