Study Finds American Women Delaying Motherhood Because The Whole Thing Blows

[nycbos]

Last edited Sun Jun 20, 2021, 10:07 PM - Edit history (1)

ANN ARBOR, MI—Having determined through empirical research that childrearing is bullshit and totally not worth it, a study published Friday by sociologists at the University of Michigan found that a growing number of American women are delaying motherhood because the whole thing blows. “Our research indicates that women have put off having children until much later in life due to the fact that it’s completely exhausting, prohibitively expensive, and almost everything about it fucking sucks,” said study co-author Lorraine Moens, explaining that the moment a woman becomes pregnant, unfamiliar hormones begin to hijack her body; then giving birth is absolute hell; and once the baby is born, the mother barely sleeps for months. “Even after children are old enough to take care of their basic bodily functions, our study found a parent still spends half her day either driving them somewhere, buying them stuff, or arguing with them about some unbelievably stupid, boring crap. Most women, it turns out, just don’t want to deal with that shit. According to the data, medical bills for pregnancy and childbirth alone run Americans at least five figures, and then of course they’re lucky if their income covers day-care costs.


https://www.theonion.com/study-finds-american-women-delaying-motherhood-because-1847112786?fbclid=IwAR2nE6JdQGUAaTVQ7RCZSo9DK2toK6kHCfMH2mNjaTyscJXTgcuyMdlQNyU

Since you can't read the newspaper these days without a hyperventilating article about women having fewer kids like there is something wrong with them I thought I should share this.

[WarGamer]

1. Has anyone ever though of a DU subforum for "satire"?

just curious.

[Drum]

19. I like this line of inquiry

I’d welcome that subforum

[Renew Deal]

41. A child forum?

[MineralMan]

48. Why would that be needed?

Satire has been a legitimate way of poking at things for a very, very long time. Why shouldn't it appear here in General Discussion? If you see "The Onion" or "Borowitz" in the link, you should know it's satire. You can skip it if you don't like satire.

As a DUer, I sometimes post satire in GD myself, satires I write myself. I signal them by using the word "BROKEN:" in the title. I also signal it within the post, and at the end, with this .

Satires have changed things. They make people think. Some people are fooled by a well-written satire. That just shows that the satirist is good at that form of commentary.

[Treefrog]

57. Why?

Kind of defeats the purpose of satire.

[WarGamer]

63. I always think of satire as a joke...

You know... "Knock, Knock..."

Just thought keeping all that stuff together might be more logical.

I could be WRONG, of course!!

[2naSalit]

2. Funny...

That's exactly why I never had kids.

[Hugh_Lebowski]

6. I really think we need a 'high five' emoji-thing here ...

But in the meantime I'll improvise ...

[Scrivener7]

10. Me too!

I love kids, but when it came to having one... well, the whole thing blows!

[happybird]

14. Same here. n/t.

[soldierant]

37. Me too.

Well, that nd endometriosis. and fear of producing a moster with all of my and my husband's genetic defects. And then my mother very much did not want me too. I guess it was really overdetermined.

[betsuni]

45. I didn't want kids and everyone said, "Oh, when you fall in love you'll want them."

No, having children and falling in love with someone have nothing to do with one another.

[csziggy]

64. Yeah, I never wanted children and was lucky to find a man who didn't care

I freaked out my mother in law one holiday when our niece offered to let me hold one of her infant children -she'd had twins. I have never held a child under the age of two years old, never changed a diaper. I will be happy to live out the rest of my life upholding that statement.

I have no maternal instinct for human babies. Show me a horse foal, I'm in love, but human babies do not bring out any warmth in me, only panic if someone wants me to be responsible for them.

[Solly Mack]

3. That's funny.

Seriously funny serious.

[Deuxcents]

4. Awww. The Onion

And yet I can get it. Women have put off having kids until later or. never. Our choice.

[smirkymonkey]

5. I loved this!

I thought about posting it in the lounge, but I thought it might offend some people, so I just sent it to a few friends that I knew would love it.

I thought it was hilarious!

[CousinIT]

7. The reality is, it pretty much does....

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/birth-rate-american-mothers/2021/06/14/045c4684-c950-11eb-81b1-34796c7393af_story.html

[raccoon]

39. Great article. Thanks for posting the link. Nt

[smirkymonkey]

50. Great article!

Notice that there is no comment section. I'm sure it would have been interesting if there had been!

[PortTack]

8. Thx for posting...personally I don't blame any woman who thinks motherhood "blows."

It has its rewards, but it is an incredible amount of work. My parent’s families, both sides had 7 kids, and wasn’t uncommon for their generation. Built in day care, hand me downs, things weren’t as expensive. That’s just not the case anymore, everything falls to the mom, and hopefully the father....ugh

[Biophilic]

9. How can this possibly be the Onion? Everything it says is right on. nt

[Duppers]

31. Exactly what I was thinking!

It about covers it for me! 😂

Of course I was 40 when my son was born; I suffered with CFS/ME; & he was a brilliant ADHD child. Bad, bad mix!!

At his 1st Pediatric check at 1mo. his doc told me he was "strong-willed." Well, no "diaper content"!

No help from his dad either. So, yes, it was very very difficult....but worth it!

[soldierant]

38. If women were able to be completely hnest with themselves, and with survey takers,

this is the survey thay would be produced. Unfortunately, there are tremendous pressures on women not to be completely honest even with themselves.

[Klaralven]

11. What is amazing is that some women who have twins go on to have more babies!

Although it is often the twins that are the youngest siblings....

[mnhtnbb]

18. I have a high school friend

whose daughter had twins. My friend recently told me her daughter is expecting again and it's a second set of twins!!!!

[Klaralven]

21. If the first set of twins are fraternal, the chance that the next pregnancy will be twins increases

If your first set of twins are fraternal, then your odds of having fraternal twins again jump to 1 in 12. That is a big jump!

https://team-cartwright.com/odds-of-having-twins-after-twins-faq/

Double ovulation is hereditary. Actually, double ovulation is much more frequent than twins, but usually only one egg is fertilized and implants successfully.

[abqtommy]

12. I love The Onion. Please carry on.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

13. .I decided when I was a kid

I never wanted to be a parent.

So I am childfree.
Got my tubes tied as soon as possible.

[Dream Girl]

22. I felt the same. Never wanted kids or marriage but got pregnant in my late thirties.

It was life changing in both negative and positive ways. Expensive, exhausting, aggravating and fun. That baby boy is not a young man of 21. He’s the light of my life and I am so thankful I brought this beautiful, amazing person into the world. I truly could not imagine my life if I hadn’t had him. The love for a child is like no5hing else. I would give up my life for his in a heartbeat.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

25. My love for the cats

In my life are that deep.
I would die for my cat.
They helped me remember what love is growing up in an abusive home.
I haven't killed myself through all the mental illness I have because of them.

My cat Othello saved my life , literally.

Cats are my total love
My heart and soul are for the felines.

I don't really have any attachments to human babies,I try to avoid them. I just don't like kids. Wish them no harm.

But show me a kitten and I 'll sound like an adoring parent.

[Dream Girl]

30. I had to put my cat down during my 7th month of pregnancy. I was so devastated and was sobbing

On to from to my mom. She tried to comfort me, said why are you so upset, you’re going to have a baby in a few months? I said that nothing could replace my cat…it wouldn’t be the same. My mom thought I was nuts and she was right. A human infant in no way comparable to a cat. I still love that cat, but she couldn’tsmile, giggle, kiss me, hold my hand, she couldn’t tell me a little joke, learn to cook at my side, have a meaningful conversation or any of about a million other things. I have had two other cats since and also a dog, but nothing compares to the joys of loving and caring for a child. The joy is incomparable.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

51. I don't like kids

And having one would not be good for me or the kid.

That love of your kid applies to you. And that's you.

Loving my cat is comparable to loving a child to me.
Don't dismiss my love for my cat as if it's less than your love for your child.. Because I love him like you love your child.

Minimizing what I feel about my kitty is insulting. You have no idea about how deep my feelings are or thier intensity.

I don't like kids and of I got pregnant I would abort it right away,if I couldn't abort it I would go into foster care and if I couldn't do that I would kill myself.

I got my tubes tied at age 20.

My cat relates to me,yeah he can't talk like a human but he expresses himself very clearly. And he's the sweetest cat freind.

Like I said, I don't like being around kids. I avoid kids, like for instance at a restaurant I deliberately sit far as I can away from parents with kids.

Cats I can spend all day with.

[Vinca]

43. I think you just described me. Never wanted kids, but always had cats.

Now that we're older, though, and the current cat is getting on in years, we won't be having any more cats because there would be no one to take care of them if we die. That makes me sad, but it's life and you have to accept it. I donate to charities that take care of them, but I'm hesitant to volunteer there because I'd be upset I can't take them home. I'm trying to turn my mindset to a charity that takes in unwanted work horses. It's a given I can't take any of them home. LOL.

[womanofthehills]

46. Always wanted kids and cats

At one point I had one daughter and 10 cats.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

52. You could adopt an elderly cat

That could help that cat shaped hole in your heart

[Vinca]

54. True, but elderly cats need care if the owner dies, too.

Maybe I'll think about fostering or something.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

62. Excellent idea!

[GulfCoast66]

15. Thats great. We tried for kids. Did not work out and was painful at the time.

But no condolences needed. The wife and I are fine with how it worked out. We have meaningful lives and enjoy getting older together

Many of our friends with kids are still dealing with unbelievable Bullshit even with kids in their 20’s.

Had I had them I am convinced my dads method was best. Let them know from a young age we will give you everything you need till you are 18. Will pay your college if you go. After 18 or college you are on your own. And he meant every word of it. My sister and I have been independent and increasingly successful since college graduation. Because there was no other option.

I have good friends with 25 year olds living at home. Not Willing to leave the advantages of an upper middle class lifestyle to start poor like their dad did. And my wife and I for that matter. Even though they make enough for a modest apartment and car.

Not missing that drama.

[Dream Girl]

24. It is much more difficult for young people now. The cost of housing, student debt makes it much

tougher to start on the rung of adulthood. It’s no wonder so many young people have to live at home. Bu5 here’s a little known secret…lots of people actually enjoy their adult children around.

[GulfCoast66]

33. I just don't buy that anymore. Did until people I knew started having adult kids.

Almost without exception the kids of immigrants that work for me or with me are thriving. College grads or starting business or doing well working in them. And some few of the kids of people like me whose parents did not coddle them.

But these kids were not raised in an upper middle class lifestyle so being poor is nothing new for them. No cool IPhone or game system. No one paying the insurance on a car they can’t afford.

It took me 25 years to reach the lifestyle I had when I was unceremoniously, but lovingly kicked out of the nest. Lots of kids weigh the options and choose the opposite and their parents let them.

In Florida there are lots of options for an affordable education. And then you live poor for a decade or so like all of us did back in the early 80’s.

I’m not buying into to all these upper middle class people whining about their poor kids. Because they have to start out poor. Hell, they are 21. Of course they are poor. I lived with 3 roommates for 5 years till got enough to go on my own. With a college degree. 1987-1991.

One of my god kids is on the stick. He got an AA when he graduated high school. He will have an engineering degree at 20. He will do better than I did. Another godkid? Skipped college. Has a decent job. But spends all his money on a late model European sports car and it’s upgrades and court costs from tickets. How can he do this? He gets free housing and meals from his parents. In his defense is a decent kid and I love him like a son and he is getting his shit together. Starting to save and has a business plan that might works.

It’s not the kids off immigrants that are struggling that makes the news. It’s the kids of people like me. Upper middle class white folks who can’t stand the idea of their kids being poor for a while.

[ProfessorGAC]

58. Sounds Like Us

She miscarried three times.
First time, about 6 weeks after we knew she was pregnant. The second time 8 weeks.
Third time, when it got to 12 weeks we thought we were in the clear.
30 days later, completely unanticipated (even by the OBG) miscarriage. That's closing in on 5 months.
She didn't want to go through that again, so we consigned ourselves to the fact it was not going to happen.
At this stage in life, we have no regrets.

[JI7]

16. I would only want a kid if I could be with them most of the times

And I'm not in that position right now.

[AZLD4Candidate]

17. When we got married, I told my wife we would only have children until she was ready

She is now ready and has said we will only have one.

Anyone that wants to child-shame us (like my brother who tells me how I don't know what it's like to be a parent, except the fact that I am with children most of the year at least seven hours a day as a secondary teacher) can remove themselves from our life.

[Dream Girl]

26. It's different when they're your own. When you bring that tiny helpless baby home and witness every

Little miracle from that first smile,, step, concert, game, etc. You might feel directly. Having a kid was the joy a my life and I never thought I wanted them.

[AZLD4Candidate]

34. Considering teachers know more about a parent's children than most parents. . .

Please understand that we have all the responsibility and none of the rights. People complain about bad teachers all the time. Very little is said about bad parents.

On top of that, to most teacher, our students are our kids. When they leave your class each year for another teacher, you feel loss. When they graduate, you feel loss. When they come to you because they are afraid to tell their parents, a teacher BECOMES their parent.

No. . .it's not different. We just didn't give birth. We just take care of them seven hours a day and become their confidants, their counselors, and, many time, their parents.

[Dream Girl]

49. I never had teachers like that. Only had one in 10 years of public education who gave a shit

I attended all black inner city schools and most teachers black or white, were indifferent. I never had one who I considered a “parent”..

[AZLD4Candidate]

59. I teach on an native American reservation. Many of my students are McKinney-Vento

And alot are in group homes.

Just because yours were indifferent doesn't mean all are. So, because of your experience, all are like that?

Sorry for your experiences.

[Dream Girl]

60. I have a number of personal friends who are teachers, but they tend to be progressive and

Very dedicated. So no, I don’t believe all teachers are nont caring, it has probably change a lot since my time in public school. But it is a crime wat those teachers got away with when I was in school. I’m not talking about abuse, just extreme apathy. We knew as kids that they didn’t care about us and most were there for the paycheck and maybe summers off. They were just horrible. I decided to get out, so I enrolled in summer school the earn extra credit and graduate at age 16. I went away to college and did okay, but I had humongous gaps in my education. No foundation in literature, world history, the arts, nothing. It made everything much more difficult because I lacked foundational knowledge.

[Demobrat]

20. If not for the word blows

I wouldn’t have known it was satire.

I figured that out when I was nine. Swore never to have kids and didn’t.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

53. Same here

Swore to never have kids when I was a kid.
I'm not a fan of children .

[NickB79]

23. I had one, 11 yr ago

And that was plenty, even though I was the father and didn't have to deal with hormones or childbirth. But the lack of sleep, diapers, daycare, and the CONSTANT arguments now that she's a tween (oh my fucking God), I feel all of that bullshit.

But to this day I keep getting shit from all the guys at work that I need to have more. Fuck that noise.

[Warpy]

27. Just because you can doesn't mean you should, so I didn't.

Most of my friends had children and love them dearly but would agree wholeheartedly with this article. They love their kids, they just loathed being mothers.

If the hand wringers want to do something about it, they need to do things to support mothers. Most men won't like it, they'll prefer a punitive approach, especially if they're religious. However, it's long been proven that when you want more of something, you need to subsidize it. If you want less of it, you need to tax it or otherwise raise the costs. The cost to women in industrialized countries to reproduce is astronomical. It's no wonder more are saying to hell with the whole thing.

I think a careful reading of the real problem the complainers have with a falling birth rate is that it's a falling white birth rate. After all, places like Afghanistan and Mali are still producing zillions of babies. They're just the wrong color. Globally, there is certainly no shortage. Some nations will have a demographic nightmare unless they unbend and admit immigrants and allow them to become full citizens.

Whatever the plan, it's pretty clear that the old, punitive treatment of mothers is just no longer going to work.

[Mr.Bill]

28. I didn't plan it this way,

but I have no biological children. However, I married a woman I met at age 38 who had two grown children who are now in their early 50s. I have 6 step grandchildren, and step great grandchild number 5 is due in a month.

I have never changed a diaper.

[SunSeeker]

29. That is not satire. That is the truth. nt

[love_katz]

32. Exactly. Word.

[Bettie]

35. It is hard, it can be isolating

but, I have no regrets.

Well, I have one regret and that is my failure to properly advocate for myself in my first pregnancy, which ended in a crash c-section, with a half hour delay. My first child died during that c-section.

Now, I have three boys and neither of us can imagine life without them, crazy though it is some days.

If you don't want kids don't have them, but not every mother is miserable.

[peppertree]

36. Our friends in South Korea would agree...

[DFW]

40. Well, my half-American daughter delayed motherhood for a good reason

She waited until she found the man with whom she wanted to have children.

She found him, married him, and had her first child two months ago.

[betsuni]

42. Many Japanese women don't want children and the men in charge of everything

have no idea why. A big mystery. They think of women as baby making machines, not people.

[Maxheader]

44. An old piece of data...

I imagine the numbers vary from years gone by. Several in my family

chose not to have kids. You gotta respect that.

[SYFROYH]

47. I feel bad for parents who feel that "everything fuckin sucks" about having kids

My wife and I feel that having a child and raising him to be a kind and thoughtful teenager has been one of the best things in our lives.

Sure, exhausting, expensive, and difficult, but many important major accomplishments in life usually are.

[leftyladyfrommo]

55. Women who don't want children should be respected.

Look at all the awful mothers whose children are neglected and abused. There are lots of women who really should not have children.

[nitpicker]

56. This ignores the genetically different

When you are in your teens and get diagnosed, you do NOT want to have to haul children off to Rack and Grill (actuallly R&G orthopedics).

[panader0]

61. Some women shouldn't have children.

My children's mother left when the twins were in diapers, eldest daughter was three and
step son, her son, was 11. She said when she left "I don't want 'em, I only had 'cause you
wanted 'em."
So I was a single dad. The mother, at her mother's insistence, came back for her son 14 months
later. After a while she paid me child support. The two girls did college and are successful, one
of them gave me a granddaughter in 2020. Step son and I are close, he is Coast Guard, almost 20 years.
My own son just got his Green Beret.
I know the article is satire, I'm well aware of the Onion, but many of the comments here indicate that
quite a few people are less than enamored about having children. Yeah, it was pretty tough when
they were little, but they are the joy in my life, more than anything.