My cousin is dying and I don't know how to feel.

[Coventina]

Not from COVID - she's dying from heart failure.
Her heart rate is down to 25 beats per minute, and there's nothing they can do.

Why am I not sure how to feel?

I could go into a long family history, but the short version is:

We've been very close over the years, but recently drifted somewhat apart. Not through animosity, just life stuff.

But then, last Christmas we got the nastiest, ugliest "Christmas Letter" from her and her husband about how Trump had been swindled and the COVID (Sorry, "China Virus&quot was an evil plot to make Trump look bad and get Biden elected.

I vowed, based on that letter, to cut off all contact with them. (And I hadn't had any, and still don't).

I got this news today from my dad, who is upset. I didn't really say anything except to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation.

Why does TFG still manage to wreak so much harm? He's poisoned this whole country, and our most intimate relationships.

It's unreal.

[samnsara]

1. dont feel bad for her but offer condolescenses to any kids ( if they are normal)

..I have 2 sisters that..if I got that news about them....i wouldnt even blink an eye.

[Ilsa]

2. Try to ignore the politics right now.

Your heart needs time to grieve, and I doubt politics will be a focus at her memorial. I'm sorry you're going through this double hurt because of TFG.

[Elessar Zappa]

3. I stopped talking to my Aunt,

who has become a radical, evangelical, white supremacist who worships Trump. I was fairly close to her but no more. So I understand where you’re coming from.

[gratuitous]

4. Cut yourself some slack

It sounds to me like you're doing it just right. Don't bad-mouth your cousin. Yeah, it's too bad she's dying, and you feel sorry for her and her grieving family. Let others express the depth of their feelings. In time to come you may have other feelings that you can share with other family members. Let the situation mellow.

[hlthe2b]

5. Being agnostic, I feel weird even considering what waits for Trump given his innumerable

assaults on decency and culpability for so much devastation and death. But somehow, someway, maybe he actually will be held accountable--if not in life than in some other realm.

As to your cousin, I can absolutely understand the mixed feelings. Pity her, but I hope you don't absorb any guilt. Yes, she fell victim to the cult, but unless she was of severe mental incapacitation, the responsibility falls to her.

Heart failure and pulmonary edema is horrendous. Hopefully, she is being given sufficient opioid relief to render the last minutes or hours less painful.

May you be at peace. And your cousin as well.

[peacefreak2.0]

6. These times have fb&;@ed with all sorts of relationships.

Something similar happened to me. I try to remember who she is at her core. We are all melting down one way or another.

[Javaman]

7. I don't talk to my sister any longer.

she dove head first down the qanon antivaxx bullshit. And she's a double cancer surviver.

she's long had a history of mental illness, but this finally pushed her beyond the point of no return.

she's completely unhinged.

And once upon a time, she was a brilliant person. graduated Suma Cum Laud from Iona university majoring in English.

now she only writes in tired right wing sound bytes as if she lost all ability to think for herself.

it's a cult.

you may want to check out qanon casualties on reddit. It's a great place to share and get support from people who have lost people to this cult.

https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/

[Skittles]

8. reach out to her

you'll ponder it for the rest of your life if youdon't

[Me.]

9. Feel What You Feel

it's there

[sanatanadharma]

10. Compassion can be blunt

Everyone dies
Grief is normal
Sadness is expected
We are not obliged to be social in grief
The dead can no longer push our buttons
The living are liberated

[Corgigal]

11. Sounds like she gonna pass from natural cause,

maybe she hasn’t been getting enough oxygen into her brain for awhile. Nothing you can do, remember some of the good times. Be good to yourself.

[ProfessorGAC]

12. Tough Spot

But, they fired the first shot.
Don't beat yourself up.

[snowybirdie]

13. I'm so very sorry

Embrace your cousin, love her, mourn her. Don't let that asshole color the way you feel about your lifelong loved ones! You win, not him.

[Drunken Irishman]

14. I think you mourn what could have been as opposed to what was.

[CentralMass]

15. Some times you need to look at what matters in life. There is a time to forgive.

[Blue Owl]

16. It's OK to have mixed feelings

Life is complicated -- and we can only really make decisions for ourselves...

[struggle4progress]

17. Be not too hard

[Coventina]

18. A heartfelt thanks to all of you!!!

Today is a day when I love all of you just a little extra!!

[totodeinhere]

19. I am so sorry I and I hope that your sister can recover even though the news may seem bleak

right now. I have a friend whose doctor gave him six months to live in 2003. Well he is alive and well today and the brail tumor he had is gone. There is always hope.