I propose a new Texas vigilante law.
Anyone who suspects that a man is mistreating a woman (anything from sexual assault to psychological harassment) can call an anonymous tip line to report a violation of common decency.
If a court, properly appointed by Cecile Richards and Wendy Davis, finds the charges to be valid, the offender must pay the complainant $10K, plus attorney’s fees (all cases will be handled by NOW legal defense fund). In cases handled by private attorneys, said private attorneys will be entitled to collect legal fees, but an equal amount must be paid to Planned Parenthood.
When the court finds the offense to be particularly egregious to a woman or womankind, or if it is a repeat offense, a sliding scale of further punishment shall be established, ranging from a court order forbidding the offender from drinking beer and/or watching football ( terms ranging from 6 months to a lifetime ban) to castration with a dull spoon (the offender shall also bear all spoon-dulling costs).
Since the Texas governor, lieutenant governor, legislative members, and gubment officials will undoubtedly be the first to be brought before the court, a lottery will be established for those wishing to administer the dull spoon process.
Those wishing to file a complaint may do so at www. what an a**hole.gov.
Costs to the state shall be covered by taxes on mega-churches.
Did I forget any stereotypes? Oh yeah, line dancing.
Don’t crash the website, y’all.
I’m sure some will find this proposal to be a bit extreme, but I think it more reasonable than the current Texas law.