Trump Offers to Buy Robert E. Lee Statue for His Bedroom

[Zorro]

RICHMOND (The Borowitz Report)—After a statue of Robert E. Lee was removed from Richmond, Virginia, Donald J. Trump offered to buy the monument for his bedroom at Mar-a-Lago.

“It’s a beautiful statue of a beautiful man, and, quite frankly, there’s no one I’d rather wake up to every morning,” he said.

Stating that the removal of the statue “should never have been allowed to happen in this country,” Trump said that he had offered Virginia a statue of himself in return.

“I can’t think of a better person to take Robert E. Lee’s place than Trump,” he said. “I’ll even throw in free shipping, like that loser Bezos.”

Asked why he had decided to place the Civil War statue in his bedroom, Trump said that his wife, Melania, had asked him to put it someplace where she wouldn’t see it.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-offers-to-buy-robert-e-lee-statue-for-his-bedroom

[underpants]

1. Bazinga!!

💥

[Dustlawyer]

23. He wants to wake up every morning to the statue instead of Melanie because the statue is warmer.

[bluedevil4]

2. LOL

good one!

[Raster]

3. I would think that Melanomia would like the Lee statue in their bedroom...

...you know, a last ditch effort for a stiff man.

[NH Ethylene]

8. LOL! n/t

[leftieNanner]

16. I was thinking she had her eye on the horse

[Raster]

19. Well you know, feast or famine!

[Ilsa]

20. LOL!!!

I bet Borowitz thought of that, too, but knew it was a tad too far and inviting a lawsuit.

[niyad]

4. Had to look to see if it was Borowitz.

[exboyfil]

5. I can't understand why he doesn't put them

out in front of his properties? Him and the others that own large properties that think we are erasing history. Place it in front of his Washington, DC hotel. It wasn't like Lee actually ever made it there. This could be Lee's consolation prize.

[maddiemom]

39. Hah! Great idea.

[EYESORE 9001]

6. I know this is a work of fiction

Rump would never throw in anything for free - not even free shipping.

[Prof. Toru Tanaka]

7. They write these articles so well!

It is easy to imagine these quotes coming directly from the horse's ass (I mean mouth).

It is also easy to imagine Trump offering a statue of himself in trade. He is that arrogant and delusional.

And Melania's request gave me a great laugh!

Very well done, Borowitz!

[LiberalFighter]

9. I thought this was for real. LMAO

If it had been I would had set the price really high.

[Wounded Bear]

10. "Someplace where she wouldn't see it"...

somehow I don't think she had his bedroom in mind when she said that.

[Ilsa]

21. Bravo! nt

[lagomorph777]

11. That rusty, birdshit-covered statue of a monster is too pretty for Mar A Guano.

[dameatball]

12. As usual, he can't get anything into his bedroom without paying for it.

[tikka]

13. Great comment!

[dameatball]

24. Easy chuckle which led to wondering what Lee would think of Trump. Probably not much.

[Brother Buzz]

27. Totally DUzy worthy!

[MissMillie]

34. Well, at least the statue isn't

as cold as his wife.

[dameatball]

35. Ha! Yeah, she's a piece of work in her own way.

[tikka]

14. I can image him spray painting it gold.

[llashram]

15. well

Mein Kampf is on his night table so why not. Head nazi/racist of the GOP. WhyTF not...

[Escurumbele]

17. "Trump said that his wife, Melania, had asked him to put it someplace where she wouldn't see it."

What a great line, I could not stop laughing...Borowitz is a genius...

[The Unmitigated Gall]

18. Borowitz does raise an important point though...

Melt it the fuck down.

[Evolve Dammit]

22. You guys are killing me. It was cut up in pieces yesterday.

[JohnnyRingo]

25. Kudos Borowitz!

Well crafted.

[SergeStorms]

26. I knew it had to be Borowitz.

He telegraphed it in the headline. He's getting pretty sloppy with that. There was I time when my outrage wasn't quelled until I clicked on the link. Now I can tell just from reading the headline.

He's slipping, but that's alright. There's no one close to him in biting political satire.

[liberal_mama]

28. OMG, you got me! Knowing Trump's depravity, I thought it was true

So funny! It sure seems like something Trump would do. I was just about to send it to my sister when I saw it was Borowitz!

That part where he said about the free shipping, like Loser Bezos, lol. My mouth was hanging open in disgust.

[bucolic_frolic]

29. Hi Ho Silver! Giddyup Trigger!

If he hated soldiers who were captured, why does he like generals who were defeated?

[Wednesdays]

38. In his mind, and to the like-minded,

the defeat was only temporary.

[Bristlecone]

30. Lol!

[Traildogbob]

31. He only wants the horse

He need something to ride in that room. Melania is will take Lee and his constant stiff penis in HER bedroom.

[MurrayDelph]

32. Totally unbelievable

"Buy" implies he'd pay for it.

[keithbvadu2]

33. Who has less contact with Dotard anymore? Melania or Rudy?

Who has less contact with Dotard anymore? Melania or Rudy?

[lonely bird]

36. Hey!

Just make sure his check clears.

Yeah, I know it ain’t real but then neither is Trump’s “wealth”.

[jeffreyi]

37. He's going to need a whole case of gold glitter spray paint.

To match the decor.

[librechik]

40. So long, Melania! Nt