Passed Peacefully? My Ass!

[rustysgurl]

If I read one more obituary about a family friend, neighbor or former classmate dying of COVID that uses the phrase "So-and-so passed peacefully to Heaven ..." I may hit someone.

Dying from COVID is NOT a peaceful death. We've all read the descriptions written by ICU nurses and doctors. You have tubes in every orifice, oxygen being forced into lungs that don't work anymore. Your heart rate is erratic; o2 saturation plummets. Toxins build up in your body as your organs fail. You are (thankfully) sedated and unaware, but your family members hang on every ragged breath as they tell you goodbye over the phone/on a tablet. You are surrounded by the frustration and despair of those who worked so valiantly to keep you alive, despite your own ignorance and stubbornness.

Peaceful? What a crock.

*This rant was the result of reading the obituary of yet another classmate (the younger sister of an ex-boyfriend). I can only imagine his heartbreak -- he doted on her when they were kids. This is just so freaking needless, but that's what's happening in southern Missouri (near Springfield). The vaccination rates are still in the basement. One dose: 23.4%. Fully vaccinated: 20%. People are dropping like flies down there and I don't see it changing anytime soon.

[mackdaddy]

1. They put you into a Drug induced Coma so you don choke on the Intubation tube down your throat.

I suppose you could class that as "peaceful". But I don't see it that way...

Sorry about your friend's family members.

Somewhere along the line this seems a lot like suicide by COVID. We had a close family friend who committed suicide and it still disturbs me 40 years on.

[TheBlackAdder]

11. Don't forget the "Jesus called them up to heaven to sit by his side" line.

.



.

[NurseJackie]

14. "Having a Beer with Jesus."

[Peccadillo]

20. Or Meth with Mephistopheles

Mad Dog with Moloch

[The Unmitigated Gall]

27. Getting baked with Baal.

I’ll see myself out.

[calimary]

36. LOL!

[flying_wahini]

43. Yours is my favorite. UG

[NurseJackie]

16. "God needed another angel for his choir."

[TheBlackAdder]

25. Yep, over the centuries, the 50 Billion there aren't enough and one more is needed.

[Efilroft Sul]

40. I wish one obit would say, "The worms invited Cletus to be their dinner guest and he accepted."

[hlthe2b]

2. Ask any person who has worked with these patients. It is a horrible death.

On edit, this is a very well-written piece from the NYT if you can access the full opnion piece.

What You Should Know Before You Need a Ventilator

It breaks my heart that patients who will get sick enough to need them won’t know what desperate situations they face.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/04/opinion/coronavirus-ventilators.html

--snip--

Specially trained health care workers insert a 10-inch-long tube connected to a ventilator through the mouth and into the windpipe. The ventilator delivers more oxygen into the lungs at pressure high enough to open up the stiffened lungs.

It’s called life support for a reason; it buys us time. Ventilators keep oxygen going to the brain, the heart and the kidneys. All while we hope the infection will ease, and the lungs will begin to improve.
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Continue reading the main story

These machines can’t fix the terrible damage the virus is causing, and if the virus erupts, the lungs will get even stiffer, as hard as a stale marshmallow.

“I feel like I’m trying to ventilate bricks instead of lungs,” one intensive care unit doctor who has been treating Covid-19 patients told me.

The heart begins to struggle, begins to fail. Blood pressure readings plummet, a condition called shock. For some, the kidneys fail completely, which means a dialysis machine is also needed to survive.

Doctors are left with impossible choices. Too much oxygen poisons the air sacs, worsening the lung damage, but too little damages the brain and kidneys. Too much air pressure damages the lung, but too little means the oxygen can’t get in. Doctors try to optimize, to tweak.

Nobody can tolerate being ventilated like this without sedation. Covid-19 patients are put into a medically induced coma before being placed on a ventilator. They do not suffer, but they cannot talk to us and they cannot tell us how much of this care they want.

Eventually, all the efforts of health care workers may not be enough, and the body begins to collapse. No matter how loved, how vital or how needed a person is, even the most modern technology isn’t always enough. Death, while typically painless, is no less final.

Even among the Covid-19 patients who are ventilated and then discharged from the intensive care unit, some have died within days from heart damage.

[happybird]

34. Being in a medically induced coma isn't as peaceful as it sounds

A few years ago, my Mom was in one for nearly a month (COPD related). She had strange and often terrifying dreams and, when she was brought out of the sedation, had a very difficult time accepting that what she had dreamed did not actually happen. Among other things, she kept talking about a doctor named Michael who was trying to kill her. She was terrified. You could see the fear and panic in her eyes. She kept asking me to help her, to hide her, and to not let him back in the room. There was no doctor named Michael involved in her treatment at any point, or any staff members who fit her description of him (plus either Dad or I was there the entire time. We basically moved into the hospital for that month, one of us sleeping in a recliner in her room, the other on the pull out couch the ICU lounge).

Her time in the coma was one long nightmare, with occasional trips into a surreal, Dali-esque world.

That first week she was awake was rough (even though we were beyond thrilled she was awake). It was so bad, Dad and I were worried about brain damage. We spoke to the doctor and the nurses about it. Come to find out, PTSD is not uncommon among those who have been in a medically induced coma. The dreaming is that vivid and weird and often scary. I read one account of a woman who swore she had been kidnapped and locked in a trunk for 4 days. She had very detailed, specific memories of it. She had actually been in a medically induced coma for 4 days.

Thank goodness, Mom got better and better as time passed, both physically and mentally. After a month of being knocked out, she couldn’t even move her fingers or arms. She worked hard to regain her mobility and mental acuity. Now, she’s back to her old self.

We sometimes talk about her dreams and laugh at the weird or goofy ones. They are so specific, and her memories of them are still very, very clear. She doesn’t talk about the scary ones.

[milestogo]

3. I've always thought of suffocation as the worst death.

When I worked in a hospital the COPD patients were literally desperate for air and had to be in a sitting position to breathe. Life is just exhausting at that point.

[Aristus]

4. As long as I can remember, long before I got into medicine,

I have hated obituary euphemisms for "died". "Passed away, passed on, went home to glory, gone to be with Jesus/God/the angels, went to his rest", the hopelessly redneck "Gone Fishin'!" all of that.

Just put "died", for crying out loud...

If I get hit by a bus, I sure don't want someone saying that I "passed across peacefully"...

[Probatim]

5. I think the use of euphemisms is to ease the suffering of others.

When my dad died, the family used "died" with each other - and passed away with people outside the family. All you have to do is say "he died" to someone outside your circle and you can see how hard it lands on them.

[Aristus]

8. Working in primary care, I rarely have to break bad news to family members, thank goodness.

I can imagine feeling pretty silly if I had to say "I'm sorry. We did everything we could. He has passed peacefully over the bridge and has gone to his rest."

[bahboo]

6. I've always hated..."He's in a better place..."

no he's not....he's fucking dead!

[kiri]

12. I could not get her to say "he died"!

Completely agree. One Sunday early morning I got a phone call that "my brother had passed." He had been weak, but OK so this was unexpected. The caller from a hospital had a heavy accent, and I was not totally awake, and I could not really make it out. Passed kidney stones (which he had)? I asked.

No, passed, she mumbled. You mean he died? He's dead? She said, "passed away." Wait, you mean he's dead? I could not get her to say "died"!

Her evasiveness made the shock worse.

[Aristus]

15. I know they think it's a 'let them down gently' kind of thing.

But I think refusing to be straightforward about it is disrespectful.

[OrangeJoe]

31. He/she passed

While I agree that the idiotic "Jesus called him home" crap is frustrating the was a cultural reason behind your phone call. You indicated that the caller had a heavy accent. In many cultures (African & West Indian are the ones I know best from having lived and worked in both) it would be considered very rude to say "He/she died." We Americans are direct in our speech, other places not so much. She was not being evasive, she was trying to spare your feelings.

A parallel point. Many police and people in authority get mad at African Americans, especially youth, who will not look them in the eye thinking they are being evasive. Again it is a cultural constrict that says when you are being scolded or questioned by someone in authority it is rude or "cheeky" to look directly at them.

[area51]

39. Welcome to DU, OrangeJoe.

[Delmette2.0]

13. I agree with you, Aristus.

I have several close family members that died close together. It was a difficult time , but I could never say anything other than the person died. We are born and we die. The important stuff is what we do in between.

[leftieNanner]

17. When my 94 year old father fell and broke his leg and his whole body began to fail

I had a conversation with his doctor in the hospital. I asked him what we could do. Can we put his leg in a cast? Surgery? (He did survive a hip replacement at 90). I was a little panicky. The doctor looked me straight in the eye and said. "Your father is dying." It was like a class of cold water in the face. It was the right thing to say. That evening, as I sat with Dad I started to compose his obituary. We were able to get him back home so he didn't have to die in the hospital, but I remember those real words the doctor said.

[Aristus]

18. As shocking as it was to you, he did the right thing, as you pointed out.

Anything that leaves room for hope in a patient who has none can cause the family members to make unwise decisions, and demand that the care team take measures that will prolong life only for a little longer, while causing the patient great suffering.

[leftieNanner]

21. Brought him home and gave him morphine under the tongue

He lived in a Senior Life Care facility with skilled nursing.

Both Mom and Dad made it VERY CLEAR that they wanted no extreme measures to be taken.

Take away my pain and let me go.

He had another three days with Mom and me and then he died.

Mom died a month later.

[mindfulNJ]

38. Wow...

My sisters and I had a similar moment with a doctor the day before my dad died. We were all in his hospital room and the doctor calmly said to all of us that there was nothing else that could be done and he would die. My dad looked at us all, half smiled and said "well I guess that's it then!". I still remember the shock going through my body when I heard those words...but it allowed us some acceptance of the inevitable. The next day my Dad did die a peaceful death with all of us around him because we had the time to let everyone know it was happening. I am really thankful for that.

[leftieNanner]

41. We had the same experience

Mom and I were holding his hands and then a nurse came into the room. We let go of him, broke the circle, and he was gone.

[StarfishSaver]

19. People say what makes them comfortable in a difficult situation

I try to respect that, even if it's not how I would ordinarily say things.

[TexasTowelie]

23. The term that I see since I'm helping my brother the CRT with administrative tasks is "expired."

That makes it sound like people have to have a license to live, or someone is keying the MM/YY date for a credit card when ordering online, or the milk went sour in the fridge. Just say dead or died.

[Aristus]

24. Exactly. 'Expired' is going too far in the other direction.

He wasn't a gallon of milk. He was a person. A person who died.

[Maraya1969]

29. My father's family would always say, "He's into real estate now"

I know - terrible joke but it always made me laugh.

[Aristus]

30. Isn't it odd that I consider humor a better means of coping with the death of a loved one

than saccharine platitudes?

I guess the reminder is in my sig line...

[Hekate]

33. That's exactly how my mother raised me, Aristus

So youmare not alone in this

[calimary]

37. That's gotta be one of the most creative ways to put it - EVER!

[Gruenemann]

44. A widowed friend of mine said, "He's gone to medical school"

because he donated his body...

[Ferrets are Cool]

7. Amen

[Blue Owl]

9. Softly and tenderly, Herman is calling...

[MissB]

10. My mother's husband passed peacefully not quite a week ago

He was intubated and sedated. He died immediately when they removed life support. He never regained consciousness. Covid is a beast of a disease but once you’re intubated there is a better chance of passing away peacefully.

[Crunchy Frog]

22. If they have enough sedative and morphine in them it is.

And families will tell themselves whatever they need to believe. Same as they've been doing all along throughout the pandemic.

[Evolve Dammit]

26. I hear you. How about some truth.

[TNNurse]

28. I believe if more people had included COVID in

the obituaries from the beginning, some people might have paid more attention.

[Ligyron]

32. Oh, but I was told hospitals list all deaths as Covid now.

That way it perpetuates this fake disease while getting millions and millions from the gubermint for just saying they died of this librul hoax.

Aren’t relatives great?

[phylny]

35. My father died in January (not of Covid) and my younger brother and I witnessed

his final two days. I did *not* write that he "died peacefully" in his obit because he really didn't.

[llashram]

42. amen