Everyone's talking about Gabby Petito. But they're having the wrong conversation, experts say.

[Jilly_in_VA]

Gabby Petito's father posted a photo of his daughter on Twitter Sunday night with the caption, “She touched the world."

It was not an overstatement. Petito's disappearance has captivated a public consumed by anguish for her family and anxious for answers in what has become a highly-publicized case. The 22-year-old vanished while on a cross-country expedition with her fiancé, Brian Laundrie, 23. Her family last heard from her on August 30th, two days before Laundrie returned home without her.

Police announced Sunday human remains believed to be Petito's were discovered in Wyoming. They have described Laundrie, who has now disappeared himself, as "a person of interest."

The Petito case has received overwhelming media attention and public scrutiny, but experts in gendered violence say coverage and conversation have lacked context on the broader dynamics that make violence against women a pervasive social problem.



https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2021/09/21/gabby-petito-brian-laundrie-and-tragedy-domestic-violence/5792811001/

[AZSkiffyGeek]

2. Because NO ONE loses their hair in their 20s

Or shaves their head because it is fashionable and easy to maintain during a pandemic.

[madaboutharry]

3. He is 23.

They went to high school together.

[sarisataka]

4. OFFS

THAT'S what you want to discuss, how old he looks?

[senseandsensibility]

6. Marginally better than discussing how she looks?

Maybe? Don't know what it is, but almost everyone wants to dance around the real issue here.

[sarisataka]

14. We have already discussed her appearance

At length.
And yes, we just seem to keep avoiding the actual issue.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

18. Where are you pulling this 37 from?

Just ignoring the reporting and making things up?

[Mariana]

112. So, why do you believe one but not the other?

Wouldn't it be better to wait and see which one turns out to be true?

[sarisataka]

24. It may be weird to you

But those are almost exactly the ages my wife and I were when we first went out. We were married a year later and have our 21st anniversary this week.

[sarisataka]

41. I never claimed it was the norm

I was countering that weird does not equal impossible nor remarkably unusual. Your hypothetical 55 and 40 year old were once 35 and 20, it depends when they met.

Now if he is 37 and they met in high school he was probably one of her teachers. That would be an important factor IMO but I think such a relationship would have been reported by now.

In any case it isn't important if he is 23, 37 or 73. What matters is they were in a relationship and by all appearances he is in some way responsible for her death.

[sarisataka]

83. You are very concerned about

The age difference between them. That is your prerogative.

However I would be very interested in a reply from you to this post- https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215879930#post55

TIA

[ARandomPerson]

119. He's 23.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/19/us/brian-laundrie-gabrielle-petito-fiance.html


Where are you getting 37 from?

[obamanut2012]

30. Come on, this is 100% disinformation -- he is 23

They went to HS together.

Just stop.

[Lancero]

58. Googled it, only found info pointing to him being 23.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/brian-laundrie-gabby-petito-missing-search-police-fbi/

The FBI was at the Laundrie residence in North Point on Friday "removing property to assist in locating Brian," the attorney for Laundrie's family said in a statement to CBS News. "Be advised that the whereabouts of Brian Laundrie are currently unknown," attorney Steven Bertolino said.

Police described 23-year-old Laundrie as a 5' 8'' white male with brown eyes and brown hair. He was last seen wearing a hiking bag with a waist strap.

[Lancero]

62. Funny, your own source contradicts itself.

Check the FAQ section at the end about Brian Laundrie, question 2. How old is he? 23 they admit.

Your source is intentionally trying to stir the pot for clicks.

Edit - Seriously, your 'sources' amount to sham Wordpress sites and news site that, for some reason, have to resort to using a disposable gmail address for official business.

[JanMichael]

84. Stupid AI bios. A computer just grab stuff from the internet and throws together mumbo jumbo

They just started a couple years ago don't believe everything you see on the internet.

Literally a computer grabs crap from the cloud and throws together a bio that may have some facts in it but generally it's garbled.

[Politicub]

78. Why are you pushing this lie? He is 23. There is no question about this.

This thread is exceptionally weird.

[Polybius]

39. It's more weird for a 22 year old to date a 37 year old

I don't blame any 37 year old if the opportunity exists.

[Polybius]

79. I'm in my 40's

The vast majority of pretty 22 year olds don't want me. But if one does, I would never pass up the opportunity. I like eye candy.

[Polybius]

91. I don't prefer 22, I prefer about 8 years older

Certainly not mid 40's however. I get along with everyone, so I can date younger and be fine.

[treestar]

107. HS teacher could be as little as 5 years older

Just out of college and the student a senior.

Marrying Newtie is weird no matter what your age.

[Treefrog]

104. They weren't that different in age at all.

Why are you pushing this?

[AZSkiffyGeek]

43. Except you're wrong and repeatedly posting false information

So again, I ask. Why are you pretending that baldness is rare at 23, and that high school classmates are 15 years apart?
Because the only thing I can conclude is that you are willfully posting false information or trolling.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

60. No.

You are the ONLY person saying he is 37. Is this some game for you? Just posting false information for lulz? Put up or shut up.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

71. See how simple that was?

Of course you didn't bother reading all the sites because the first two are self-referencing and filled with other false information. Heck one even says that people claiming his age are conspiracy theorists. So, rather than trust news reporting, you believe "Latestinbollywood.com"

[AZSkiffyGeek]

74. You can think all your want... You're still wrong

And weirdly invested in being wrong. I wonder why?

[Treefrog]

105. I know, weird, huh?

[treestar]

108. Nephew went bald quickly

Like his father. (And I thought it comes from your mother's side of the family). Both take the Telly Savalas approach, which seems to be the thing these days, much better than the combover or fringe. Just shave your head and be done with it!

[Treefrog]

103. Nope, they were sweethearts from an early age.

A friend of mine went bald before he was 30.

[Demsrule86]

114. He is 23...now you should stop.

'Gabby Petito's father, Joseph Petito, believes her fiance Brian Laundrie was involved in her disappearance and blames his parents for not doing more to help find his daughter. Gabby and Laundrie knew each other since high school and had been dating for two years when they got engaged and embarked on a life on the road'

'to People, Gabby and Brian met in high school. They both attended Bayport-Blue Point High School in Long Island. Gabby was a sophomore. Brian was a year older and a junior. They were quickly drawn to each other. But like any high school romance, they had their share of ups and downs.

Friends of the couple said they were frequently on-again-off-again. In 2016, Gabby and Brian took a break for several months before rekindling.'

https://outsider.com/news/trending/high-school-friend-speaks-gabby-petito-relationship-brian-laundrie/

[blueinredohio]

9. My grandson is 24 and bald on top.

Started losing his hair in high school.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

19. I knew people who were bald in high school

I'd recommend stopping digging before you make more of a fool of yourself.

[treestar]

109. It happens though

Doesn't mean those to whom it happened are any older than stated.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

44. Instead of focusing on his baldness, why not cite your source that he's 37?

[AZSkiffyGeek]

50. You're the one who's wrong

Prove it. I don't have time to waste on chasing bullshit from trolls.

[blueinredohio]

53. My oldest nephew also started losing hair in high school.

[tenderfoot]

10. There were a few guys in my high school that were balding at age 17...

some start earlier than others.

[Hekate]

89. Same in my high school, & one was my boyfriend...

I know they say the baldness gene comes from the mother’s side, but his dad looked like Mr Clean, and my BF was on his way with the receding hairline. At age 17.

[treestar]

110. There are occasionally people who go gray quickly too

I had a great uncle that was going gray in his 20s!

[tenderfoot]

116. I know a few people too

early 20s!

[Sympthsical]

20. They literally went to school together.

So that would be quite a ruse. Do his parents and police know?

People do go bald very young, just like they can go fully gray by their early twenties. Hell, Anderson Cooper has had that hair as long as I’ve been aware of him.

[obamanut2012]

31. JFC stop it

[AZSkiffyGeek]

45. Because you are making shit up

[AZSkiffyGeek]

52. Why wait?

Because you can't bother to cite your source?

[Demsrule86]

115. No there isn't; I posted the information. He was a year older than her...and they went to the same

High School.

[GoCubsGo]

35. My brother started losing his hair at 17.

He was almost that bald when he was 23. The same with my cousin. I also know people who were entirely gray by the time they hit 30.

[GoCubsGo]

40. Not as rare as you believe. nt

[GoCubsGo]

61. I'm not he one making claims that it's rare.

It's up to you to back up your claims.

[GoCubsGo]

67. A blog?

That's your evidence? LOL! Go find someone else to troll.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

81. Not just a blog...

A blog for company that sells electric razors specifically design for shaving your head to bald men.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

87. Skullshaver isn't "healthline" and that is what you posted and I referred to...

Well, get your trolling in while you can...

[treestar]

111. I can't help but giggle

not picking on you in particular, but we are all doing it, me too.

The article was about having the wrong conversation about it.



Little did they know we could find an even more irrelevant conversation!

[PSPS]

56. This low poster is a troll. Just ignore/alert him.

[Lancero]

66. Frankly, with all the times they've brought up baldness...

I'm surprised that they haven't started dropping adverts for anti-hairloss products.

[GoCubsGo]

68. Excellent advice.

So much for emptying out my "ignore" list, but oh well.

[Treefrog]

106. ...

[Renew Deal]

122. I agree

This is a poor attempt at trolling. Not sure why people are falling for it. Alert and move on.

[USALiberal]

77. WTF, are you serious? Nt

[LeftInTX]

82. My son looks a bit like him. He has trichotillomania

So, son shaved his head when he was young. My son is 35 and goes between letting his hair grow and shaving it. The hair pulling did lead to premature balding too. Shaving is one way of keeping trichotillomania under control.

This guy has some kind of anxiety disorder, so maybe he has trichotillomania.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/trichotillomania/symptoms-causes/syc-20355188

Not defending the guy at all, but he's 23.

Andre Agassi is only 26 here. My dad was balding in his early 20's. Armenians like my dad and Agassi tend to bald young, but have abundant facial hair.

[senseandsensibility]

5. I addressed this topic in an OP yesterday,

but I don't know if I was as clear as this article. I agree completely that no one. least of all the corporate media, wants to have this discussion.

[maxsolomon]

7. Since this is 1 of 2 points multiple DU posts have been hammering in the last week,

the other being "you only care because she's pretty and blonde", I'd say we're not all having the wrong conversation.

[viva la]

8. These angry young men are scary

It's like there's no ordinary boundary when they get angry-- they'll just do what no one could imagine they'd do. There's something very wrong with a group of men-- and because this is so unpredictable, you just can't tell which one will "blow" and when.

I don't think we women can really have much effect on this. I think men need to recognize the toxic element and acknowledge it, and maybe there's some cultural way they can stop the "femicide."

[AZSkiffyGeek]

21. Where are you getting 37 from?

Just because you think he's older because he's bald doesn't mean jack. His age is widely reported yet you don't seem to care and keep insisting he's older.
Sources or shut up.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

42. Why should I google the age

You're the one insisting everyone else is wrong. Back up your claims or shut up.

[Lancero]

72. Their 'sources' are wordpress sites, and a news website that for some reason...

Has to resort to using a gmail address for official correspondence.

A gmail address that returns some, uh, interesting google results. Including, but not limited to, questions about dating apps, questions after how you make friends, and questions about how to tell if someone is transgender.

[tenderfoot]

98. LULZ

[viva la]

22. I thought they were in high school together?

Maybe I read that wrong.

Anyway, I'm at the age where 37 seems like dewy youth!

[AZSkiffyGeek]

48. The troll is making things up

He has no sources, otherwise he'd post them.

[maxsolomon]

23. since male violence has been an issue for the entire history of homo sapiens,

and is normal in other ape species, i'm not sure it can be entirely eliminated. but it can be reduced - that takes empathy and self-control, two things we find very hard to value.

religion was one of the ways cultures have attempted to mitigate it. that approach has had... mixed results.

[viva la]

27. It isn't this prevalent in other countries...

There are always total sickos, serial murderers.
But this kind of situation where a man functions perfectly well in life, has friends and family, maintains jobs and relationships... then suddenly decides to kill... that's much more common now and here.

[maxsolomon]

97. what other countries are you talking about?

sweden? afghanistan? thailand?

"other countries" is a pretty big category, so i'd love to see the source of your assertion.

[viva la]

99. If you can name a country with as many 'femicides' as we have, have at it.

European nations, Canada, Japan (that is, our economic similars) do not have anywhere near our murder rate. For "domestic partner murders," I just checked the UK-- about 130 a year (100 women), and the pop is about 1/5th ours.

The US stat is about 2300 a year (domestic partners), 75% women.
So... it's about double the UK incidence (guesstimating).

That's less than I thought! One stat-- a gun in the home makes it 5 times more likely there will be a domestic murder.

I don't know how to categorize the big number of serial murderers-- were there always 50 or so a year and we just didn't hear about them? Or are there a lot more now with the bigger population and more rootless people?

[maxsolomon]

101. you said "other countries", meaning plural, implying all.

but now you're limiting it to our peers, and you've only cited britain, which i would expect to be less due to the lack of firearms, as you pointed out.

now you want me to do the research? no. just admit you were shooting from the hip. there are many more countries in the world with homicide rates that far exceed our own. no clue if that include femicide rates, but I presume it does.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate

[viva la]

102. Okay, many poor nations and nations in the middle of civil wars have horrific homicide rates.

We do usually measure ourselves up against our peers, because so many conditions are similar. It's always "The G7 countries" and "The EU, Canada, UK, and Japan" as the ones we compare ourselves too.

'other countries' is plural which implies 'more than one," not all. I certainly didn't mean that.
The gun thing, of course, is both cause and effect. That is, we have more homicides because there's a gun in half the households here-- unknown in most other peer nations-- but there's also something about the national character that causes us to have so many guns and have so little ability to control that even if the majority want greater controls.

I'm sure most of us agree that the abuse and murder of women is something very bad for our country and should be a point of discussion among men as well as women. We women talk about it- worry about it-- make a lot of life concessions to avoid it. I'm really not sure how many men are as concerned or think of it as a distinct problem. The men close to me react with fury, you know, "If any one would ever hurt you, I'd DESTROY them!" which doesn't actually address the problem because, I guess, I'd have to be hurt before they did anything!

What do you think would help? I wonder if men ever talk about it.

[viva la]

32. Yeah, I listen to the48 hours podcast,

And a whole lot of these killers are churchgoers, especially the women killers and middle aged men. They manage to convince themselves God wants them to be free.
The amazing ones are those who won't get divorced because of their religion, so have to murder instead.

[radius777]

121. +1. Humans are violent overall, especially men,

but women can be supportive of violence and cruelty done in their name as well.

But overall it is true that the male of the species evolved for proficiency in violence, for a variety of survival reasons (hunting, warfare, etc) and that hardwiring means that society should be organized in a way that better protects women and children from men.

[jalan48]

17. The media is unwilling to give the big picture and stays focused instead on snap shot in time

reporting. Climate change is another issue where the media loves to focus on the disaster and not the cause.

[Jilly_in_VA]

55. Can we PLEASE stay on the damn SUBJECT

which is intimate partner violence? I'm the OP so I think I have a right to ask that. Please take your sidebar conversations somewhere else. Thank you.

[leftstreet]

64. +1

I find these threads so bizarre

Always lots of subtle effort to derail from the subject of violence and assault in personal relationships

Good on you for hanging in there

[rurallib]

69. No kidding I came to read a discussion about violence against women

and instead found a discussion on balding in young men.
WTF people?

[AZSkiffyGeek]

75. Ah ha! Now I understand why the troll keeps derailing and posting false information

My apologies for feeding.

[GoCubsGo]

88. Same here.

And, in retrospect, who cares how old the alleged perpetrator is? Whether he's 23 or 37, it appears he is an abusive POS, regardless of how much hair he has on his head. That's the actual crux of the matter.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

90. I'd just like to see some means of taking out the trash

It's clear (now) why they're doing it, but how do you alert it?

[GoCubsGo]

93. See the blue bar at the bottom of every reply?

On the left side, you get four choices. One of them is "Alert Abuse." Click on it, and pick the most appropriate choice they give you. Or, just do like I did, and put them on ignore, which I should have done at the onset, rather than letting myself get sucked in.

[AZSkiffyGeek]

95. Unfortunately there isn't an alert for "Blatant Troll"

I don't like ignoring and the alerts I've sent have failed. So apparently some people here are okay with it...

[AZSkiffyGeek]

96. And I'm probably risking alerts here so I should probably just shut up about it...

[yonder]

76. Thank you! This totally jumped the tracks....

...and doubled down the embankment.

[Hugin]

117. Okay, here's a point I was unsuccessfully trying to make in a different...

over run thread.

Here's a systemic problem which was highlighted by this current case.

Apparently the police did separate the two 'of age' participants in the dispute. Which indicated they were aware of the great danger represented by the situation.

But, then what?

There is no mechanism to 1. deprogram the victim (Which, I DO believe was Gabby) 2. Actively keep the predatory instigator away from trying to regain control over the victim.

How would such a process work with two adults?

[smirkymonkey]

125. +1000

[DFW]

85. I haven't been talking about her once.

Violence against women is sort of like gun violence.

Every time something spectacularly awful happens, it ignites all sorts of discussions, and then it is put on the back burner until next time.

There is ALWAYS a next time, too, isn't there?

[gldstwmn]

100. Always.

The female park ranger said she tried to have a heart to heart with her. Maybe we should teach children how to see the signs of domestic abuse and sociopathy in school.

[Jilly_in_VA]

123. Very good point

We should also have talks with their PARENTS about dating violence, and about teaching consent. That was done in my grandchildren's middle school with some success. Not all the parents attended, but my daughter did (her husband was in Puerto Rico helping clean up after Maria, but that's a whole other story) and she said it was good.

[womanofthehills]

113. It's very sad to see thread takeovers like this

It brings the whole site down. Jilly posts a very serious topic and all hell brakes lose about hair?????

[StarfishSaver]

118. Disgusting

And not, I suspect, unintentional.

[Demovictory9]

120. THIS!

Experts say the bodycam footage is rife with red flags. Laundrie appears calm, laughing and bonding with officers, despite initially speeding away from them. One seems to intimate he understands Laundrie because he's been married for several years. Laundrie calls Petito "crazy," but says he cares about her anyway.

Petito's demeanor was markedly different. An officer said when he tried to talk to her she was hyperventilating. Petito said Laundrie grabbed her face and officers are heard discussing how a witness said they saw him shove her. Petito tells officers she hit Laundrie.

"Their response to law enforcement is typical. She is very upset and blaming herself while he is calm and also blaming her," said Ruth Glenn, president of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

One officer asks Petito, "Is he usually pretty patient with you?" Officers eventually decide Petito was the aggressor.

[Nixie]

124. +1, exactly. My only comment on this case is that the LEO

who initially pulled them over and made first contact can be heard in the beginning of the recording of his stop noticing that the van hit a curb and trying to determine why that happened. That set up the whole stop from there, with the obvious implication being that there was some type movement in the van indicating a scuffle of some sort, and he was trying to pin that down.