Trump Files Lawsuit After Finishing New York Times Story He Started in 2018
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump filed a hundred-million-dollar lawsuit after finishing a New York Times story that he started reading in 2018, the former President has confirmed.
“When I started reading the story three years ago, I saw my name in the headline and it made me happy,” Trump told reporters. “It said ‘Trump.’ I thought, This is probably going to be a good story.”
As he continued reading the story in 2019, he said, “It still didn’t seem so bad to me. I spent that year reading three or four paragraphs, and I didn’t really get the entire gist of the article.”
In 2020, Trump said, “I was busy with the election, so I didn’t get to read as much of the article as I would’ve liked. I maybe got through five, six more sentences. It mentioned my name a lot. ‘Trump.’ Still seemed O.K.”
Though Trump was ultimately able to finish the Times article this week, he accused its authors of making it intentionally difficult for him to read.
“Those so-called writers used many, many long words that I didn’t know—and Jared didn’t, either,” he said. “We had to ask Ivanka what they meant, and, quite frankly, she had to look a lot of them up. And those jokers won the Pulitzer for this crap? That should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
Short article, no more at link: 
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-files-lawsuit-after-finishing-new-york-times-story-he-started-in-2018
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I have Mary Trump's book and she talked about this article - so I knew it was from 2018 and wondered why TFG was just getting around to reading it now. But she did say that it was a record long article at the time.
And if course he's lying, Mary Trump only provided her own documents which she got from her lawyer's office, she didn't have to somehow "steal" anything of her uncle's. The only thing I can figure is because his campaign "rallies" have become pointless, he's looking to grift money from somewhere else. 