A Flowchart for Choosing Your Religion 😆😄

[underpants]

[Goodheart]

1. Nice

[olegramps]

48. Does fascism qualify as a religion? Many Republicans swear that Trump is a God.

[wnylib]

57. No, but many RW religious people embrace fascism

because they like authoritarianism in religion and politics.

Many religious people on the left favor socialism.

Atheists fall into right and left divisions along the same spectrum, according to their preferences for or against authoritarianism.

[zanana1]

60. They embrace fascism if it oppresses other people.

They wouldn't be wild about it otherwise.

[doc03]

2. Where is the MAGA religion? nt

[localroger]

11. Under Are You Rich and Insane / YES, add...

How do you feel about Hamberders?

Meh... be a scientologist
I LOVE Hamberders -- be a MAGAt

[jmowreader]

27. That falls into the Single God category

1. How many gods do you want to worship?

if the answer is one...

2. What is the god's name?
if (a) Yahweh, then Judaism
if (b) Jesus, then Christianity
if (c) Donald Trump, then MAGA

[carpetbagger]

61. They want God to worship them, hence zero on the first q

[Mariana]

38. This chart predates MAGAism. It needs updating. nt.

[marybourg]

3. Jews love hummus, too!

[sakabatou]

9. For me, it depends on the flavor and what food is going to be used

[Harker]

18. So does this Buddhist.

Some things transcend religions.

[cos dem]

28. I'll second that!

I've had excellent falafel and hummus in a Jewish restaurant in Jerusalem.

[krispos42]

34. Should be alcohol, not hummus

[Happy Hoosier]

53. Yup!!!

When I visited Israel, every restaurant, Jew or Arab, had its own hummus recipe is was very proud of! And they were all delicious!

[Kaleva]

4. My love of bacon set me on the one, true path.

[myohmy2]

49. +1...

...

[Coventina]

5. What if I WISH for a black cat, but don't currently have one?

(I'm working on socializing the black feral that lives in my side yard).

[Harker]

20. Wishan? n/t

[yardwork]

45. If you're working on socializing a feral, you have a cat. Congratulations!

[demmiblue]

6. Lol!

[OhZone]

7. The Goddess of Discord actually produced this to throw everyone off!

Hail Eris!

Also Fnord.

[Wicked Blue]

8. No place for Unitarian Universalists?

hmph

[Hekate]

37. All hail to whom it may concern/ No creed or ism do we spurn...

My snarky not-UU cousin wrote that years ago, and I can’t remember the rest — but you know the tune.

[Wicked Blue]

41. lol

[wnylib]

58. Is that really a religion? The ones I know

are more like a social/political club.

[Wicked Blue]

71. I consider it a religion

https://www.uua.org/

[wnylib]

77. I know the UU history and

current description without checking your link. I was just commenting on the UU group in my area that I've been in community activities with and the Sunday morning get together that I attended in their building. Might be different in other places.

[stage left]

82. The question for potential UUs

Would be: Which coffee do you worship?

[Wicked Blue]

83. LOL

However, I'm an apostate UU -- I only drink tea

[El Supremo]

10. Do you like pasta?

Then you are a pastafarian.

[Xavier Breath]

14. May you be touched by his noodly appendage.

I was about to take three quick questions to being an atheist, but who knew food had such a bearing on this decision? Or, more specifically, that my disdain for bacon and love of hummus might lead me to Islam? Guess the wife and I need to have a talk.

[NotASurfer]

63. That flowchart resembles noodly appendages

FSM makes yet another appearance!

[11 Bravo]

12. Boring generic Christian, checking in.

[wnylib]

59. Social justice Christian here.

[Richard D]

13. Israeli Jews . . .

. . and most in this country love hummus!

[ShazzieB]

40. I don't) over hummus.

But I self-selected out before I got to that point!

[Skittles]

15. pretty much sums it up

[stage left]

16. What if

You have two black cats and a yellow dog.

[Harker]

21. You have it made. n/t

[ProfessorGAC]

17. I Dig It!

Funny stuff!

[dalton99a]

19. Kick

[Aussie105]

22. This is great!

Not only do I love flowcharts, it's resolved a life long religious confusion in me!

May the many headed animal deity I worship daily by not eating meat, bestow her blessings on you!

[aggiesal]

25. Here's a flow chart for you! ...

[electric_blue68]

30. 😄👍❤️

[Shermann]

33. More like a handyman flowchart

Engineering flowcharts are a BIT more complicated.

[yardwork]

46. I have a feeling that an engineer made this as a joke.

[DBoon]

74. do engineers have a sense of humor?

[electric_blue68]

79. The ones I know do

[BootinUp]

36. this flowchart has low reliability.nt

[aggiesal]

23. My favorites ...

To be a Mormon, you worship 1 God and are a naturally annoying person that loves bacon and thinks underwear is magical.
To be a Scientologist, you worship 1 God and are rich and insane. Maybe you're insanely rich and insane.
To be a Wiccan, you have to worship a ton of Gods, want to be reincarnated, while owning a black cat. Maybe reincarnated into a black cat. So maybe that black cat that you own, could be a relative!

[Wounded Bear]

24. K & R...nt

[DFW]

26. That's me and my flowchart. That's me when I'm not quite choosing my religion

Oh no. I read too much.
I haven't read enough......

[reACTIONary]

29. Hah! nt

[Pobeka]

32. Two thumbs up! n/t

[SergeStorms]

31. I know a shit ton.....

(shit ton = 2 metric tonnes) of annoying generic christians.

Just sayin'.

[Orangepeel]

43. I guess they work at it instead of coming by it naturally

I think that some people have to practice being as annoying as they are!

[Blaukraut]

35. No god, love bacon and hummus, and have a black cat.

There need to be a few more avenues for folks like me.

[MichaelSoE]

39. Pastafarianism for true believers

https://vimeo.com/31543194

[lindysalsagal]

62. Bless us. Go in piece.

[Celerity]

42. none

[Johnny2X2X]

47. The reality is there is no choosing

Religion is forced on most humans before they have the senses to make choices or decisions around it. Your family forces their religion on you as a child.

[Happy Hoosier]

54. Well, I did...

I was raised in a church-going family. I realized that religion was nonsense in my 20’s and have never looked back.

[OriginalGeek]

72. Mostly me too except

Until I came to that realization I was all in on fundamentalist baptist god.


It's probably good luck my mom and stepfather were so far right wing crazy religious conservatives as it helped me notice that other people were normal.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

50. How do I get to "Unitarian Universalism"?

Or, is that just "lapsed atheist"?

[FakeNoose]

51. Wow this is great!

... And it's guaranteed to offend just about everyone.

Thanks for not personally embarrassing the Pope on this chart. He gets enough ridicule already.

[underpants]

52. The good creek willing and the Lord don't rise

That’s my saying but it hasn’t caught on....yet.

[Martin Eden]

55. The flow chart is DEEPLY FLAWED !!!

Nowhere in that chart is a path to the One. True. Religion.

It is, of course, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[keithbvadu2]

56. Even within the single religion of Christianity, there are multiple paths.

Even within the single religion of Christianity, there are multiple paths.

Each denomination is the the sole, one, true faith.

All of the others are heretics.

[SunSeeker]

64. LOL

[IrishEyes]

65. Well. it looks like I'm a Wiccan.

My adorable little black cat approves.

[Haggard Celine]

68. Me too.

I've also got a black cat. He stays outside most of the time, but I think I'd better bring him in for Halloween. I've heard that people take black cats and sacrifice them for ceremonies. I don't know if that's true or if it's some sort of satanic panic. I do know, however, that the local humane society is very careful about who they allow to adopt any black cat because of abuse cases.

[electric_blue68]

80. Keep your handsome boy inside for Halloween...

I don't know about th sacrifice stuff but I've heard some are deliberately injured on Halloween.

[Haggard Celine]

81. Will do! Thanks for the reply.

I worry about him sometimes when he's out there. He's a very gentle, loving cat, and it worries me that he might be too friendly to someone who comes up into the yard. He stays in the yard, doesn't venture out into the neighborhood, though.

I kept him inside for a long time after I got him, but it got to where he would run outside when I opened the door. I've seen him out there running around and chasing squirrels. He just likes to run around and play, I guess.

But he comes in for a while every day and most of the time he lays down at my feet or in my lap. But after a while, he'll go stand at the door and I let him back outside. When he comes in today, I'll tell him he has to stay in for the night. He seems to know what I'm saying a lot of the time. I'll just let him back out Monday morning.

[Joinfortmill]

66. Lol

[Bleacher Creature]

67. My chart says atheist, but my stomach says Hindu. NT

[Martin68]

69. Not bad. Good way to make the point that very superficial differences distinguish many of these

beliefs, yet those differences can result in civil wars and persecution.

[Collimator]

70. Not A Single Question About Guns

And the love thereof. American religious options cannot be fully explored until firearms are included in the equation.

[hunter]

73. My religion is complicated. I won't go into all the gory details.

I will say that as a kid the Christmas holidays were a time of religious warfare in my family. None of the older people agreed when, if, or how the holiday should be celebrated and they were all quite willing to fight about it. Indeed they looked forward to these fights. I had only one grandparent who believed in the traditional U.S.A. Hallmark Coca Cola Christmas.

As a kid I was a Jehovah's Witness. Never said the flag salute. My mom had landed with the Witnesses after a depressingly common bad experience with the Catholic Church. Unfortunately my mom couldn't stay out of politics, which the Witnesses shun people for, so we became Quakers when I was in the fifth grade. Still no flag salute.

These days I'm some sort of Social Justice Catholic heretic, which makes me far more dangerous than any simple atheist in the eyes of conservative Catholics. I'll confess I enjoy that notoriety. Hunter is going to hell.

As a little unborn soul in heaven I don't remember choosing the family or the community I'd be born into, but I always try to make the best of it.

[electric_blue68]

78. I'm a spiritual person (not an aetheist). This is though...

...is very funny 😄