'It Would Be So Easy,'Think 79% Of People Holding Ladders For Loved Ones Putting Up Christmas Lights
PITTSBURGH—Unable to resist thinking about the rare opportunity that lay before them, 79% of Americans holding ladders while a loved one put up Christmas lights reportedly took a moment Wednesday to consider just how easy it would be.
“All it would take is one small push, and boom, it’s over, just like that,” thought nearly 8 in 10 spouses, children, and siblings, their grips tightening as they watched a family member take one foot off the ladder to reach a distant hook upon which to hang a strand of lights.
“People fall off ladders all the time, don’t they? No one would suspect a thing, probably not even [the loved one] in the few seconds it takes to hit the ground and draw those last, labored breaths.”
At press time, sources confirmed every American holding a ladder for a loved one had decided against going through with it after realizing they would then be tasked with putting up the rest of the lights by themselves.
https://www.theonion.com/it-would-be-so-easy-think-79-of-people-holding-ladd-1848140409
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