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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDisclosing the fallout over my wife: Re - Her Green Card
I know this is personal, and I shouldn't disclose this, but I will here because I am no longer running for office and I will return to China on May 27th.
November I broke. Since her second rejection and Mark Kelly's office pretty much ignoring me since doing the bare minimum to help me and the fact I look at the same white walls all day alone and isolated, I put myself in a mental health clinic where I stayed for eight days.
On a tangent, mental health clinics are anything but. There is no real therapy. It's run and operated with prison ideas and prison mentality, even using prison language and tactics. People are there to deal with illness and are treated with doing nothing, mindless busy-work, and "lights out" mentalities. But that's beside the point.
I was diagnosed with bi-polar two, BPD, and PTSD. They also ran bloodworking and found I was diabetic with blood sugar high enough to cause a stroke. They doped me up on so much medication I was a walking zombie there. I met the doctor 15 minutes a day at most.
This process broke me completely. Between my wife's tears, an unsympathetic community where I work, and an indifferent attitude from people I reached out to help an American citizen reunite with his wife, my world fell apart. I lasted 16 months before I had my breakdown. And it was a complete nervous breakdown.
I cannot stress enough that we all need to work to end this legal immigration nightmare. No American citizen should ever allow their government from separating Americans from their families.
Mental health is not a "get help" solution. You always take two steps forward and one step back. I may be cleared to work, but it's always there. The eye is always watching and waiting to manifest. The medication is only there to treat symptoms.
If I had a true support network, maybe the eye wouldn't have taken me over. But no one cared, and few did anything to help or understand. It has left a very, very sour taste in my mouth.
My wife, bless her, told me she wants to continue, but wants to go through the process when I am there with her. So it isn't dead, it's on hold. But after all of this, my view, albeit very cynical, of my country and its principles have been shattered. And once glass is shattered, you can fix it, but it's always broken.
Sad thing is, the US government doesn't care about any of us, unless you are famous, wealthy, powerful, or influential. Being a struggling writer with an ex-manager/producer in Hollywood running your name through the mud because I got tired of his lies, abuses, and threats. . .as well as a low level teacher that no one listens to, especially people in power (don't get me started on teacher accountability when there is little administrator accountability and no student accountability) who dictate to me what to do and what to teach, including proposing rules to gag me if I teach history or government that may offend people (yes, I am a social studies teacher), I know the US government (and the state government as well) doesn't care what I say.
We have an legal immigration system that makes bringing families here as costly, cumbersome, and soul destroying as possible. I know. It broke me completely.
Coventina
(27,120 posts)I wish you all the best, in whatever form that takes for you.
I agree completely that our immigration system is broken and as a result breaking people and families.
Our "mental health" "system" is also a tragedy. (I was going to say "joke" but it's not funny).
The game is so rigged against us, it's hard for me to have any hope.
I hope that things will be better for you when you are able to reunite with your wife.
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)Im so sorry for your situation and I truly wish you happiness - whatever that takes.
Without trying to minimize your own personal situation, please know that a lot of us are breaking and/or broken for various reasons and situations right now. We are all under stress like weve not seen before. Again, I realize that every situation is different and I dont mean to trivialize yours.
I do want that explanation, however, to simply mean that we all need to try hard to be good to one another and to help when and where we can. I have nothing to offer you for help other than best wishes and a virtual hug. But know that those wishes and that hug are sincere.
Please take care of yourself.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,693 posts)hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)It truly just sucks royally. Theres a lot of talk about mental health. But nothing ever actually gets done.
XanaDUer2
(10,680 posts)And, yeah, lots of talk, talk, talk. Like homelessness. Lots of talk. My city was working to end homelessness in ten years...20 years ago. Same old shit
AZLD4Candidate
(5,693 posts)I began feeling worse mentally and emotionally there. There is so much boredom.
It is not therapeutic.
ARPad95
(1,671 posts)Memory Clouds: Good Grief Bad Grief by Conrad Reeder c. 2017
A year after the untimely death of 8-time GRAMMY winner Engineer/Producer Roger S. Nichols (Steely Dan, John Denver), his grieving widow, singer/songwriter Conrad Reeder, experienced a vision dream about sitting on a ledge, contemplating a jump into the abyss. The lucid dream triggered memories, good and bad, and reignited a passionate desire in Reeder to write her way back to life.
I purchased Conrad Reeder's book 2.5 years ago when I researched her husband, Roger S. Nichols, and wanted to know more about him. I didn't start reading it until this past week after I had a particularly difficult night not sleeping/emotionally distraught over things that happened to me that never should have happened except for the incompetence and carelessness of individuals and an organization that definitely should know better and couldn't care less.
At any rate, I was scrolling through my family's history FB page to calm myself down and stopped at Steely Dan's Making of Aja documentary I had shared with my cousins because Roger S. Nichols was our 4th cousin (our most recent common ancestor was a Revolutionary War veteran) and was the album's Executive Engineer:
(Roger appears the first time at ~16:00 minute mark)
Watching the documentary and listening to Steely Dan's music was so calming and soothing. I decided to pickup Conrad Reeder's book and really read it this time. The love she had and still has for Roger is beautiful and he was an exceptional, down-to-earth man who died too young. Conrad Reeder is very insightful, descriptive and has led a well-read (16-page bibliography included) and very interesting life. I'm only on Chapter 2.
All that to say, you love your wife as much and home is where she is. Maybe Steely Dan's music and Conrad Reeder's book will keep your mind on the moment the two of you are happily reunited. Leave all that other crap behind.
hlthe2b
(102,283 posts)The broken immigration system is sadly emblematic of so much that is going wrong with the US and the erosion of democracy in recent decades and Biden can only chip away at it-- leading to demoralization for sooo many desperately needing IMMEDIATE reforms and solutions.
You are left to make a very difficult choice, but one that will reunite you with someone who loves you. That might well make all the difference. I hope so. Best of luck to you. I hope you will (and are able to) keep us updated.
LoisB
(7,206 posts)immigration nightmare for over two years.
questionseverything
(9,655 posts)Hopefully things will get better
chowder66
(9,070 posts)help and am glad that you will be able to see your wife soon. I wish the best for you as you pave your way through this.
Behind the Aegis
(53,959 posts)This is so discouraging on so many levels. I wish there was some I could do to help. I have tried to think of possible solutions or directions to try, but not having any experience in the area of immigration, I can only sheepishly offer my sympathies.
panader0
(25,816 posts)You've decided not to run, that eases a lot of stress. You've decided to return to your wife,
that too will ease a lot of stress. Work on her immigration together and return when the time is
right. Stay away from the "mental health" places.
Be happy now.
zuul
(14,624 posts)Trueblue1968
(17,223 posts)I am so sorry for what you went through.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,693 posts)If I write it now, it will be way too angry and emotional.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)family will give you the comfort and support you need. Help them.
Offload all the problems you don't have the power to fix. Refuse to dwell on wrongs done to you; that's a poison hole. Stay away from negative influences on line and do not invite them to you.
While in China your wife can work on getting the documentation she needs from the Chinese government for her marriage to a U.S. citizen.
Plant a garden. Do other things you find make you happy.
Best wishes.
littlemissmartypants
(22,685 posts)1) If you don't already, exercise.
2) Take a look at your diet as it relates to the gut biome. There is some compelling research on the relationship between depression and an unhealthy gut. Much of the research cites the detrimental effects of a diet high in sugar as a disruptor of a healthy gut, too.
That's all I've got. It is certainly important to vent and to reach out but action conquers fear. So as hard as it may be right now, make yourself move with intent.
❤ pants
AZLD4Candidate
(5,693 posts)littlemissmartypants
(22,685 posts)What do you think about the gut biome thing?
shrike3
(3,609 posts)Reunite with your wife, simply be together before you start the process again. All the best.
And yes, mental health care in this country really isn't.
multigraincracker
(32,685 posts)I went in for week in 1990 and it turned my life around for the better.
Never give up and peace to you.
sinkingfeeling
(51,457 posts)KT2000
(20,581 posts)You may not want to hear this but what you have experienced is injustice. It does help to understand so many people go through this over any manner of things, not just immigration. It is a shattering experience, almost like when the legs of a table break - what you may have believed does not exist. That in itself throws everything out of whack - like 52 card pickup.
Know you are in good company. There are parents who are not able to get healthcare for their kids, there are injured workers who are fired for being injured and therefore unable to access healthcare until they spend themselves down into poverty, there are children of color who experience hatred from others for no reason other than their skin color, there are families whose neighborhoods are used as toxic waste dumps sanctioned by governments, etc. etc..
It hurts to learn justice is not a given, but rather a goal we have to keep working towards.
Peace to you as you continue your journey.
grantcart
(53,061 posts)While not disputing your struggle I had completely different experiences with my first and second marriages with foreign born wives. My daughter also has a foreign born spouse.
In all 3 cases processing for visa was very straightforward with only one problem. In one case the file was sent to an unknown office and they couldn't find it. I had duplicated every scrap of paper in the file and they accepted my copies as the file.
Best wishes as you move forward in the next chapter of your life.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)that it'd be extremely desirable to have whatever American healthcare, mental and physical, you do have active during and after your move. Both until you establish with Chinese healthcare and in case for any reason you need to return to America. Unexpected things do happen.
You'll want all your prescriptions active, filled, and with you, health documentation, and the numbers of professionals you can call for help or just advice in dealing with something. Also your wife should have all information and preferably duplicate medications.
Moving is of course stressful in itself. This is a way of keeping control in your hands.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,693 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)IbogaProject
(2,816 posts)Melatonin can lower the inflammation which is both a cause and effect of Diabetes. Checking your blood sugar and learning to eat slower metabolizing foods will be important.
Keep at the immigration issue, it will only take a single break for it to resolve.
Best wishes.
DetroitLegalBeagle
(1,923 posts)I wish I could offer some help, but immigration law is not an area I work in.
Also, your dealings with Sen Kelly's office isn't unique, I've heard from others that his office has been pretty useless in helping constituents. Two vets I know contacted his office for help and both were basically blown off after they were told the office would look into it. One wound up getting help through Sinema's office and the other went through his GOP Rep and the Rep actually personally called him to talk to him about his issue.