I need some advice?

[imanamerican63]

My mother who just turned 85 last year, scared the the bujeezes out of me tonight! Went to bed around 10:30 and had been sleeping for about an hour or so when she opens my door and asked where my sister’s grandson was? I asked her “what was going on”? She said “she could find him” and “he stays on weekends”. I told her that she was dreaming. She closed my door and before I could get out of bed to check on her, she was back in bed and sound asleep.

I am very worried about her wellbeing now. This is 1st time that I’ve seen her do this. Now, I’m wide awake, wondering what do? Any ideas?

I am gone on the road a lot and leave out Wednesday, but I don’t know if I would make things worse by retiring to take of her. I have two sisters who live here in town and a couple of nieces and nephews, but to get to help is like, well it won’t happen. The rest of my family lives out of states and it is left to me to be her caretaker.

[Hekate]

1. Try this group

https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1274

Quite a few of our members are family caretakers, and are likely to have helpful and compassionate advice to share with you.

All the best to you and your mom. 💕

[Tetrachloride]

2. You might need motion sensors with alarm to your phone

Additional suggestions:

1. wall handles in bath / shower and toilet areas
2. lock the doors for unused areas, especially basement and garage
3. sooner or later, tell the neighbors.

My uncle escaped over 300 yards in countryside. fortunately on a road, not in the brush.

[homegirl]

4. There is cause for concern,

but, she may have been sleep walking.

Several useful suggestions have been posted. I would only add-an examination by her MD may establish her competency.

[Victor_c3]

12. Sleepwalking was my first thought too

I certainly don’t know anymore about the OP’s situation than was posted, but if out of nowhere someone did something bizarre like that around bedtime, that’d be my first thought.

Best wishes to the OP

[No Vested Interest]

3. If they will, get nieces and nephews to stay overnight while you're gone, and pay them.

If they're paid, they'll feel the obligation more than if they feel they're just unpaid babysitters.
You'll feel better having someone there at night, and won't worry as much as without the help, and be better prepared when you return from your trip.
Begin thinking through for a long-term solution.

[Doodley]

5. Check there isn't an immediate health crisis, such as dehydration, too much medication, TIA.

[Scrivener7]

7. My mother got UTIs a couple of times that made her behave really strangely when she was older. They

were easily treated and the symptoms resolved.

A checkup might tell you something.

[Hekate]

11. A nurse friend once told me: "Old ladies can get really squirrelly when they get dehydrated"...

We were talking about my mother at the time, but I filed it away for my own then-future old age, which is now upon me.

[FrankTC]

6. Situation Seems Ambiguous

People of any age can wake disoriented from a dream, so your mother's experience may not be a portent of impending incapacity. But in reality most people become less capable as they age. For most families there arises the question: Do we pull out all the stops to keep grandma/grandpa at home, or do we acquiesce and place them in a care facility of some type. I don't know what the answer will be in your situation. But you might have a family conference with your local sisters and relevant others to establish guidelines and way markers. Like, what steps to take now, what signs to be on the look-out for, what steps to take later if your mother's condition worsens. Some people overreact to a parents' decline and want to intervene before necessary, others underreact and seem taken by surprise at each step downward. Trying to keep everybody together can be difficult, and sometimes not possible. Having a process in place, knowing how decisions will be made, knowing who will be responsible for what -- all of that can help.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

8. Seek professional help. As others here have said....

That event could have been caused by many things and it's up to medical professionals to decide, which will give you peace of mind. Also, your doctor or her doctor should allow you a private consultation, should that be the route best for you.

It is however, up to you to do your best to provide for her physical safety, decent diet and hydration and things to help her enjoy life.

One of my best friends (RIP) ever was a caregiver for many years and now that I'm older, I'm grateful for the stories she shared with me about the trials of caring for her patients, as that's helping me take care of myself in my 70s.

Just curious - have you sat down with her and discussed this event in a non-judgmental way?

Best of luck. As one who traveled during much of my career, I can relate to your worries.

Hope you and your Mom have a peaceful Valentines Day!

KY.......

[imanamerican63]

9. Thank you for your responses.

I will keep close tab with my family and watch her carefully. We talked this morning about her dream and she does recall waking me up looking for my sister’s grandson. She did say she had other live like dreams in the past. She doesn’t sleep well at night, because she naps in the afternoon and is awake half the night some times. Again thank you each of you! I will keep you posted.

[LuckyCharms]

10. This may have been just a one off thing like

sleepwalking, not fully awake yet, etc. Or, it could be cause for concern.

If you have time before you leave, try to get an opinion from her primary care doctor, or at least make the doctor aware of the situation.

Do the best you can to rally the family together to see if you can create a schedule for each of them to check in on her. However, I know how that goes, and I agree with you that it probably won't happen. Maybe there are some of her neighbors that would be willing to help?

In the intermediate to longer term, it would be a good idea to have her medically evaluated, with you going with her to the appointment. At that point, you will have more information in order to make decisions about any potential care.

Also, if you cannot solve the problem of having someone check in on her on a regular basis, see if you can talk her into getting Meals on Wheels! I used to volunteer for them delivering meals. What's good about this is...at the very least, there is someone checking on her during the week.

I know what you are going through and for some reason, it is unfortunately common for one family member ending up bearing all of the responsibility for care. You are a good son/daughter to your mom. Hang in there and don't worry.

Also, you may want to see what social services may be available to help her and you.

Best wishes.